Signs You Might Be Depressed

Depression and mental illnesses do not manifest in a way that is easily understood from the outside. There are many instances where we’re already at that stage without any noticeable symptoms.

In fact, university studies mention that most depressed patients don’t initially seek medical help for depression. Most people think they have something wrong physically and later find out the root cause was mental. This is called “masked depression.”

Consider that you might be depressed if you notice the following signs:

・You Repeatedly Make Mistakes You Never Used To Make

When we’re depressed our attention scatters, leading us to make more mistakes to perform badly. It can be small mistakes from misspelling to missing details or big mistakes like sending the wrong email to a client or forgetting an important appointment.

These mistakes can bleed into our personal life as well. Even when someone points out the mistake, we oftentimes don’t have the capacity to process what’s pointed out. Eventually, this leads to a path of more mental hardships.

・You’ve Noticed A Change In The Amount of Food You Eat

A university study indicates that when we’re depressed, we tend to overeat or crave sweets. This means that there is a correlation between the amount we eat and our mental state. There’s no doubt we need food to live, but overeating is an unhealthy habit. Weight gain and physical difficulties that come with it can become additional stress if we’re not careful enough.

・You Have Less Communication with Co-Workers

When work gets to us, we naturally distance ourselves from it and communicate less with co-workers. Even if you are an extrovert, if you find yourself being less communicative, declining work-related social engagements, it could be because you’re depressed.

5 Ways To Relieve Stress When You Feel Depressed

If you notice the signs of stress or depression, it’s best to get rid of them as early as possible. Stress coping methods differ for each person, but if you’re unsure of where to start from, below are some methods you can try.

1. Find a Hobby to Enjoy on Your Own

If work is bringing you down, allocate time for hobbies where you can completely distance yourself from the difficulties at work. It can be an outdoor or indoor activity, but ideally, it should be an enjoyable activity that is easy to incorporate into your routines.

If you don’t have any hobbies like that, we recommend books and movies. “Cry sessions” through reading books and watching movies, are known to be healthy for our mental wellbeing. Comedic movies can make us laugh and bring down our stress hormone levels. A dive into an enjoyable world will help us feel less stressed.

2. Get Enough Sleep

We all feel terrible after making big mistakes at work. If it’s a matter of our incapability, we can always take the time to grow and learn. If it’s because we’re mentally unwell, it’s solvable.

One of the most important activities for health is sleep. According to a university study, when people continue with 4-6 hours of sleep for 2 weeks, the brain function drops to as if it were pulling all-nighters for 1-2 days. In other words, unless we sleep for at least 7 hours per day, we’re carrying on with our lives under a strong stress state.

If you want to sleep but have trouble falling asleep, we recommend that you start scheduling your sleep. We share tips and tricks on that in our past blog post:

3. Have an Internal Conversation With Yourself

It’s difficult to understand ourselves from an objective perspective. Many realize the difficulties they’re going through, only after someone else points it out.

To avoid this, we recommend having a continual dialogue with yourself using methods of “self-talk.” It’s simple. All you have to do is talk to yourself in an encouraging and compassionate tone. Canadian university research shows the effectiveness of this method too.

There are many ways you can hold conversations with yourself. Talking to yourself from a second-person perspective is known to be helpful. To learn more of how to do this, check out our past post:

4. Talk With Friends Outside of Work

The basic and most effective way to release stress is to talk to friends. It may not be appropriate for you to speak about work stress to co-workers, but you can always rely on your friends from other social circles. The content of what you say doesn’t matter. The most important thing is for you to “feel better” after speaking to them.

Direct conversations with them will alleviate stress and help you gain an objective perspective on your problems. Constructively explaining what has happened and why you are feeling the way you do, will help you organize your thoughts. You might even find a positive outlook in the end!

5. Talk to a Mental Health Professional

If none of the 4 methods above work, we recommend seeking professional help.

The National Health Institute (NIH) lists ways to seek help via phone and text. They also provide guidelines in finding professional help.

If that seems like a jump to you, there are apps that can casually help. SELF MIND is an AI chatbot that assists your mental health journey. For working adults, it can be difficult to find time to go see a professional, and with this, you can converse casually throughout the day to see how you’re feeling.
→Check SELF MIND in app store

Health Is Wealth, Its Okay to Let Go

When we overthink, we tend to corner ourselves into feeling low.

Get out and enjoy your hobbies and get good sleep. Find ways to enjoy your time on your own terms, and hopefully, this will lead you to more mental and physical vitality.

References：

Konishi, K., & Hyakutake, A. (2015). Factors Associated with Depression and Atypical Depression in Japanese University Students. Showa Woman’s University Departmental Bulletin Paper, 902, 21–33. https://swu.repo.nii.ac.jp/?action=pages_view_main&active_action=repository_view_main_item_detail&item_id=6026&item_no=1&page_id=30&block_id=97

Nakao, M. (2004). Industrial Mental Health in an Information-oriented Society : Relationship between Depression and Perceived Somatic Symptoms. Japanese Journal of Psychosomatic Medicine, 44(10), 735–744. https://doi.org/10.15064/jjpm.44.10_735

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How to Spot Power Harassment

There are 6 types of actions that qualify as power harassment:

• Psychological abuse
• Physical abuse
• Elaborate demands (Demands that exceed a person’s skill or capabilities)
• Miniscule tasks (Tasks that limit a person’s skill or qualifications)
• Socially isolating a person
• Invasion of privacy

In this article, we will focus on power harassment based on these 6 types.

The Boss Thinks They’re “Teaching You A Lesson”

Type: Psychological abuse, physical abuse, elaborate demands

When you hear that there’s power harassment at a workplace, what situation first comes to mind? Many might think of a boss excessively criticizing a worker over their small mistake. No one wants to “excessively” chastise a person and there is a possibility that the boss is not aware of their power harassing actions. What they may think as a “teaching moment” turns into power harassment when they are unconsciously abusing their position of power.

On the other hand, it can be tricky for a boss when things get misinterpreted. A boss may hand over a challenging project with good intentions so that a person could grow towards taking the next steps in their career. Unfortunately, some employees may take this as a power harassing “elaborate demand” pushed upon them.

Lacks in the Ability to Assess Yet Oblivious to It

Type: Elaborate demands and minuscule tasks

It can be considered power harassment if a boss demands an unfair task to a new employee that hasn’t been taught the task yet, or if a boss keeps asking a well-experienced person to do only minuscule tasks.

It’s okay if you’ve already agreed on these kinds of arrangements, but if a boss can’t allocate proper work fit for a person’s skill, it probably means that they lack the capability to assess their employee’s skills.

Yes, there are cases where a boss may intentionally give out these tasks that don’t match a person’s qualifications. However, the most common reason this trouble occurs is when the boss is very talented himself, yet has low management skills.

They’re Insensitive to Begin With

Type: Psychological abuse, socially isolating a person, invasion of privacy

This kind of power harassment happens when a boss is incapable of thinking about what another person may feel due to their actions. They may mock an employee directly or ask unnecessarily personal questions.

The root cause of this type of harassment lies in a boss’s personality. In this case, an employee should go consult someone else who is in an adequate position to help them improve the situation.

5 Power Harassment Prevention Methods You Can Use Right Away

Most victims of power harassment never take action because they think that, “there’s no way to fix the problem.” If you don’t take action, the power harassment will continue until you leave the position. To protect your own mental well-being, the following methods may help prevent a situation before it escalates.

1. Tell Your Boss What You Really Think

As mentioned above, most times bosses may be acting a certain way without noticing what
consequences their actions are causing. Letting them know how you’re feeling is important in this case.

Let them know specifically what’s bothering you whether it’s an action they take, words they say, or if it’s simply a matter of tasks that seem unfit to your skills. Specific details will allow a boss to make improvements on their own actions.

Some bosses can affect more than one person. If there are others suffering from power harassment by the same boss, try to help each other out.

2. Keep A Detailed Record of Your Harassment

If excessive power harassment leads to PTSD or other mental illnesses, you can sue them for it.
The court case will look into whether there were grounds for power harassment or not. Keep a daily record of the harassment that you took. This will serve as proof in court.

The best proofs are visual or sound recordings of the incidents. If it’s difficult to record, the next best thing is a written record whether it be in a notebook or your smartphone. When you keep a written record, try to include the following points:

・Date and time
・A detailed description of the location
・People who were present in that same location
・Detailed specifics of the harassment (including conversations)
・How the harassment made you feel

Try to keep all recordings truthful to facts and avoid coloring the situation with biased expressions. This will enhance the reliability of your recordings.

3. Talk to Others In A Different Division or Report to HR

If you have difficulty speaking directly to your boss, you can raise your concerns to a person in HR or a different division that can help.

Research shows that people with high self-efficacy tend to try and go solve problems on their own instead of relying on others. Power harassment may not solve immediately when you raise your concerns, but external help will lead to improvements in the long run.

The courage to step forward is essential in combating power harassment.

4. Find Aspects That Your Respect of Your Boss

This may sound contradictory, but “getting to know your boss” can be an effective alternative approach. Power harassments commonly occur when a boss and their subordinates lack communication. In other words, a lack of trust can lead to power harassment.

It takes both sides, but you can build trust towards your boss on your end by finding aspects you respect about them. It’s difficult to see the good in people when we keep focusing on the negative aspects. Your boss has earned their way into a management position, so surely, there is something attractive or good about them. When we respect someone, we can start to trust them enough to understand why they act the way they do.

Trust can create a 180-degree changed perspective of an incident. If you start liking your boss, you may no longer feel that you’re being harassed.

5. File A Complaint with The U.S. EEOC

If there are no harassment procedures in place or adequate people you can talk to, there are places outside of the office where you can raise your concerns. If you’re in the US, consider filing a complaint with the EEOC. The EEOC will investigate your claim and work with your employer to put an end to the situation. If it still continues then, the EEOC will advise you to sue your employer.

If you feel hesitant about talking to a person, AI (Artificial Intelligence) counseling may be a helpful alternative. It can listen to your problems without any restrictions on time schedule, or location. It’s an affordable alternative counseling method with a free trial period. Give it a try!
→ SELF MIND

Don’t Bear Through Power Harassment

There is no need to bear through power harassment. It only harms your mental and makes you incapable of thriving. We hope that the methods mentioned in this post will help you face your power harassment issues starting tomorrow!

References:

Hara, M. (1969). Significance of Legislating Measures to Prevent Power Harassment. Seikei University: The Journal of Law, Political Science and Humanities, 90, 183–196. https://iss.ndl.go.jp/books/R000000004-I029808675-00

Sekine, A., & Naganuma, Y. (2015). Which factors inhibit talking about workplace victimization? The Proceedings of the Annual Convention of the Japanese Psychological Association, 79(0), 1EV – 060. https://doi.org/10.4992/pacjpa.79.0_1ev-060

The post 5 Ways to Combat Power Harassment at Work appeared first on SELF MIND.

The Challenges That Single Parents Face

A 2019 Pew Research Center study of 130 countries point out that the U.S. has the world’s highest rate of single-parent households. A 2019 Statista survey also shows that there are about 19 million single U.S. parents raising children on their own, with 15.7 million of them being women.

What are the challenges that these growing numbers of single parents face?

The Financial Challenges

Single-parent households are at high risk of financial hardship. Studies indicate that parenting alone heightens feelings of stress, uncertainty, and depression associated with finances.

The overall net worth of a single mother is significantly less than single fathers or married households. 25% of single mothers have wealth exceeding $3,500 and 50% have either no wealth or are in debt. It is said that almost half of single mothers are in poverty.

The financial challenges of the single-parent household creates an environment vulnerable to adversities.

The Physical Challenges

It can be physically tough to manage taking care of your kids and work at the same time. The younger the child, the more physical energy is required to keep up. Some parents put in a lot of work time so that they can reach financial stability and this can wear them down both physically and mentally.

Children are the motivation and reason for parents to keep pushing forward, but the physical strain, lack of sleep, and stress from all of it can affect their mental well-being at times.

Best Ways a Single Parent Can Care for Themselves

It’s a challenge for single parents to find alone time. They’re usually financially strapped as well, which makes it difficult for them to consciously engage in self-care. Single parents should put in the conscious effort to shift their mindset so that they can care for themselves.

Below we introduce the best self-care methods you can try right away.

Create a Photo Album of Your Child

One of the most satisfying rewards for a single parent is to see their kids grow. No matter how busy, try to keep a record of your child’s growth through photographs. This will motivate you in a positive way. Don’t just use your smartphone for taking pictures. Make physical prints to create a photo album so that you can share it with others and look back at your memories.

Whenever you feel stressed, flipping through these albums will help reduce stress. A university study shows that looking back at fond memories helps maintain our mental wellness. It’s a method you can try easily. We provide more details on how to do this in our past post.

Read a Little Bit Every Day

Reading is a great self-care method that is recommended for everyone. We use our imagination and try to absorb as much knowledge as we can while reading, and when we indulge in a book we can create a distance from our stressful realities.

If you’re a newly single parent, it may be difficult to find time to read. Try to find small fragments of time within your commute or before bed where you can read little by little.

Have a Talk With Your Employer

It is physically challenging to juggle between parenting and a full-time job. Talk to your employer and see if there’s room for negotiating remote work, shorter work hours, or other alternative ways to work. Sometimes, a change in the work environment can lead to better wellness.

If your company seems inflexible about changing the terms of work, as inconvenient as it may seem, we recommend that you switch jobs. Some companies proudly push forward their benefits of paid paternity leave, flex hours, remote work, and on-site nurseries. You can manage to work with less stress if you find a company that values your needs as a single parent.

Apply for Financial Help

There are programs and organizations designed to help single mothers and fathers in the U.S.

Child Care and Job Training

Temporary Aid for Needy Families (TANF) is a grant program that provides supplemental cash for up to two years to working parents. They encourage single parents through child care assistance and job training. To see more for eligibility and details, visit: TANF.

Food Programs

The Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP), commonly known as food stamps, can provide funds for food. You can check eligibility and details at: SNAP. For pregnant and nursing woman, WIC Farmers’ Market Nutrition Program (FMNP) also provides aid in supporting nutrition for mothers in need.

Housing Assistance

Rent is a huge part of our living cost. The Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) offers housing assistance through Section 8 housing vouchers. This program targets low-income households, many whom are single parents. You can check the program details, eligibility, and how to apply through their website at: HUD Housing Choice Voucher Program Section 8.

Financial Assistance for Education

There are many grants and programs widely available if you want to pursue a higher education. However, there are specific scholarships catered to single parents. You can check the long list of single parent scholarships on scholarships.com. The Pell Grants is also a popular federal government aid provided towards low- and moderate-income families based on need.

The programs mentioned here may create some financial relief for single parents who are in need of help.

Talk to Someone

People feel better when they share their struggles with others. With no partner they can rely on, single parents tend to bottle in their feelings, which can lead to worse mental conditions. The stronger responsibility they feel, the more they try to solve things on their own.

It’s okay to vent.

Talk to someone you trust. It can be a family member, a friend, or a therapist. Surely, it will make you feel a little better.

If the issues you face are hard to share with people in real life, an AI can hear you without any restrictions on time schedule, or location. It’s an affordable alternative counseling method with a free trial period. Give it a try!
→SELF MIND

No Need to Be Perfect, Grow Together With Your Child

We become a parent when a child is born, but that doesn’t make us a perfect parent. Single parents face many physical challenges that can impact their mental well-being.

We hope that you can try some of these methods listed above and find a self-care method that works best for you. Try to take it day by day as you grow together with your child.

References:

DaVanzo, J., & Rahman, M. O. (1993). American Families: Trends and Correlates. Population Index, 59(3), 350. https://doi.org/10.2307/3645248

Financial Help For Single Parents: Benefits, Grants & Programs. (2021, April 29). Debt.Org. https://www.debt.org/advice/financial-assistance-for-single-parents/

Hao, L. (1996). Family Structure, Private Transfers, and the Economic Well-Being of Families with Children. Social Forces, 75(1), 269. https://doi.org/10.2307/2580765

Kramer, S. (2019, December 12). U.S. has world’s highest rate of children living in single-parent households. Pew Research Center. https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2019/12/12/u-s-children-more-likely-than-children-in-other-countries-to-live-with-just-one-parent/

Live a life of a single mother : Describe what the society is and will be. (2018). Journal of Nagoya Management Junior College, 59, 129–140. https://doi.org/10.14995/00000435

Stack, R. J., & Meredith, A. (2017). The Impact of Financial Hardship on Single Parents: An Exploration of the Journey From Social Distress to Seeking Help. Journal of Family and Economic Issues, 39(2), 233–242. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10834-017-9551-6

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Why Do Some Mom Friendships Feel Stressful?

If you’re feeling stress or anxiety, it’s important that you identify the root cause of it. In this post, we will look at a university study case where they looked into the reasons why people feel stress or anxiety from mom friendships.

A Tendency to Focus On Rumors and Negativity

The social circles of a mom can be relatively small, and rumors can easily get around. Stay-at-home moms can already feel pretty restricted when they’re mostly tied down taking care of family necessities. This creates an environment where stress can easily fester. Mom friendships allow for moms to relate to each other’s stress where they can vent about their daily stress whether it be about family dynamics or parenting.

Of course, there is no problem if you don’t mind listening to gossip and venting about personal problems. However, a university study shows that most people feel stress from these topics.

There are people that like to go around detailing the issues of another person’s household. This creates the fear that you might be targeted one day as a focus for gossip, causing a lot of underlying stress.

Disagreeing With Personal Values and Parenting Styles

You won’t always 100% agree with other parenting styles. You may feel the urge to distance from other parents that can’t or won’t discipline their children, have bad morals, or are too strict. For example, if a parent never disciplines their child, you may fear the influence this may have over your own child, who will observe the behavior. There is also the concern of being grouped in as the “same” with parents that you don’t agree with.

Feeling a Divide Because of Financial Differences

You may feel anxiety from financial differences within a group of moms. It could be from a casual conversation, a birthday party, what school they could afford for their child to attend, or simply just what they wear. Financial differences can cause a feeling of insignificance or general anxiety for what the future holds.

Some moms may have difficulty feeling connected with other moms that are too different in financial values.

How to Deal With Stressful Mom Relationships

Once you’ve established a relationship and social circle, it can be hard to cut ties. Try the following ways to see if you can lighten the stress.

1. Keep A Healthy Distance

If you’re involved in a mom group, cutting ties from the group without warning may not be the best idea. It may make things difficult if a group of moms deems you “unfit for social interactions,” or if you’re in a small community, it can lead to bad rumors and other troubles.

If there are moms that you don’t get along with, we recommend that you create a healthy enough distance by taking note of the points below:

・Always say “Hi”
・If a mom that you dislike talks to you, give a few light friendly responses and then leave
・Don’t agree or disagree with the rumors they spread
・Try not to share anything about your private struggles

2. Find a Hobby to Focus On

Indulging in hobbies has 2 beneficial aspects.

First, you can temporarily escape from the situation that is posing stress. Most of us have experienced situations where we feel gloomy all day from an incident that happened early in the day. Hobbies allow for our attention to steer away from the stress and focus on something that is beneficial for our minds.

Secondly, hobbies create room for new relationships and communities. Let’s say you took walking as a hobby. You may find people who walk the same path every day as you do and become friends with them. A community besides a local mom group will allow room for you to speak your mind freely and gain different perspectives on what they think of your situation.

If you’re a mom with a tight schedule, we recommend simple exercises and reading, something you can work on indoors or outdoors alone. If you’re feeling constrained within a mom group community, you should try indulging in hobbies.

3. Write Down What Stresses You Out

We recommend that you write down your feelings on a piece of paper before you go and vent to other moms and potentially start unwanted rumors.

A Spanish University conducted an experiment and came up with a method called the “Negativity Trash Can.” You write out what you’re feeling onto a piece of paper and then tear it away into the trash. It seems like a menial act but it can reduce stress instantly without any external help.

The Negativity Trash Can method details can be found at the link below.

If you want to share your thoughts, an AI can hear you without any restrictions on time schedule, or location. It’s an affordable alternative counseling method with a free trial period. Give it a try!
→SELF MIND

Stay Smart in the Way You Handle Mom Friendships

Many mothers that have a hard time socializing with mom groups all struggle through similar stress. We hope that you try some of the tips on this post and find a stress-reducing method that works best for you so that you can create healthy relationships with other moms.

Reference:

Nakayama, M., & Ikeda, Y. (2014). The Relationship between Interpersonal Conflicts and Personality Traits in Friendship between Mothers Rearing Little Children. The Japanese Journal of Personality, 22(3), 285–288. https://doi.org/10.2132/personality.22.285

The post 3 Ways to Deal With Stressful Friendships Between Moms appeared first on SELF MIND.

Different Types of Stressful Goodbyes

According to the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, which is a widely used scale to measure stress across the world, “death of a spouse” scores the highest on stressfulness. The scale looks at stressful life events with how much they affect individual health, and scores these life events based on “live change units (LCU)”, which indicate the weight a particular event carries on one’s stress levels. The higher the LCU, the larger the impact. In a study conducted across 5,000 patients, the following results were found for the topmost stressful goodbyes:
*The number in brackets indicates the LCU score.

1: Death of a spouse (100)
2: Divorce (73)
3: Marital separation (65)
4: Imprisonment (63)
5: Death of a close family member (63)

Four out of the top five stressors are “bereavement” or “separation” from close relatives, indicating that becoming separated from a loved one is a major stressor. Furthermore, there are differences in the stress and symptoms between separation by death and separation by breakups.

Separation by Death

A study of 40 bereaved people in the United States reported that most of them experienced depressed mood one month after the loss. The main symptoms are as follows:

• Loss of appetite
• Weightloss
• Poor sleep
• Waking up throughout the night
• Sleep disturbances (such as waking up too early)
• Shedding tears
• Fatigue
• Loss of interest in one’s surroundings
• Restlessness
• Sense of guilt

The reality is that many people who have experienced stressful goodbyes through death suffer from symptoms such as the above. According to the above survey, many of them particularly feel a strong sense of guilt, wondering if there was anything they could have done to prevent the loss, or what they could have done differently. This is different from the “guilt” felt by depressed people due to loss of self-esteem, or the “guilt of having committed a crime” felt by criminals, and is very harmful to those who have experienced bereavement.

Moreover, separation by death can be predictable, or unpredictable. The death of a loved one from illness or old age can be somewhat prepared for emotionally. On the other hand, the sudden death of a close person who you thought you could talk to any time, and whose presence in your life you took for granted, can cause immense emotional damage and a sense of loss. In order to avoid falling into a state of depression, including feelings of guilt, it is essential that the bereaved are not isolated and that they have the support of those around them who are devoted to them during these times of stressful goodbyes.

Separation by Breakup (Divorce or Heartbreak)

There are many possible cases of stressful goodbyes through breakups, including divorce, heartbreak, or separation due to moving away. Of these, the stress caused by divorce, which is ranked second in the Holmes and Rehe stress scale, differs in the type of stress felt before and after the divorce itself. The main types of stress felt before divorce are as follows:

• Whether or not to get the divorce: The feeling of wasting one’s marriage
• Inability to reach an agreement: The wife (or husband) wants the divorce, but the husband (or wife) does not consent
• Disagreement on terms: Can’t come to an agreement on property division, alimony, etc.
• Divorce mediation and lawsuits: These are expensive, time-consuming, and cumbersome procedures.

On the other hand, some of the types of stress experienced after the divorce are as follows:

• Loneliness: A sense of loss, and having lost the person you could turn to in times of sickness or unforseen circumstances
• Change in the environment: Changes in lifestyle such as moving house or changing jobs as a result of the divorce
• Dissatisfaction with the terms: Unhappy about the outcomes, in terms of money, parental custody, etc.
• Opinions of others: Feeling as if those around you are not sympathetic to your situation

Many people suffer from the above-mentioned types of stress, which often interfere with their daily lives, manifesting as insomnia, loss of appetite, or lack of concentration. Furthermore, some studies have reported that divorce lowers the immune system, making people more susceptible to physical and mental illnesses, as well as increasing the risk of getting into car accidents.

It is up to us to prevent ourselves from letting negative thoughts take over and make us sick, or become distracted and endanger ourselves as a result of stressful goodbyes. For this reason, it is important to diffuse negative thoughts as much as possible and avoid accumulating stress by talking to someone you can trust or keeping yourself busy with something you are passionate about.

By the way, our app “SELF MIND” contains many helpful tips for dealing with stress and stressful goodbyes. If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!

Ways of Coping with Heartbreak

Breaking up with your romantic partner or experiencing heartbreak through an unrequited crush are also types of stressful goodbyes that should not be taken lightly. In Japan, according to the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare in 2018, suicides due to depression are most common among people in their 20s, with the most common motive being heartbreak. Many people in their 30s and 40s have also taken their own lives due to similar motivations, and the presumed reason for this is that people lose the will to fall in love as they age, or they are driven to this extreme action through damaged pride and sense of self-doubt.

Let us now take a look at “interpersonal stress coping”. Interpersonal stress coping is a coping method used to reduce the stress caused by interpersonal relationships. There are three main types of interpersonal stress coping: regretted coping, rejected coping, and avoidant coping. An experiment was conducted to measure the stress response of university students by applying each type of coping to cases of heartbreak.

• Regretted coping: Regret towards your separation from the object of heartbreak.
• Rejected coping: Resentment towards the object of heartbreak, or deliberately trying to forget about them.
• Avoidant coping: Positive interpretation of the heartbreak, replacement with another love interest, finding distractions, etc.

The results showed that “regretted coping” and “rejected coping” tended to increase the stress response and delay recovery because people were too conscious of the other person as a negative entity. On the other hand, “avoidant coping” was found to be more effective since the subject interpreted their lost love in a positive way and were less likely to experience stress reactions.

Accepting the time you spent in love in a positive way can give you hope for the future, and starting a new relationship can help you make up for the stressful goodbyes experienced through the loss of love. In addition, distractions can help you to vent your thoughts and recover from a broken heart. This type of avoidant coping, which could be referred to as “heartbreak coping” is an effective method that can help you recover from the pain of heartbreak more quickly.

Maintaining a Healthy Mind in Stressful Goodbyes

Separation from someone you were close to can be a significant cause of stress. Moreover, if the stressful goodbyes are sudden, they will leave their mark as a strong negative experience, and may even develop into trauma.

Of all the stressful goodbyes, the most impactful stress response on one’s health is the sense of loss. As mentioned above, when something that we took for granted is no longer around us, we feel loneliness like a gaping hole in our hearts. In order to alleviate this feeling, it is important to maintain a sense of gratitude on a daily basis. By feeling and expressing gratitude toward your spouse, parents, romantic partner, and friends, you can strengthen the recognition that they are important to you, no longer taking their presence for granted.

Humans are creatures of habit. While habituation is one of the most important factors that lead to improved performance and personal appeal, it also makes it difficult to adapt to changing situations, causing us to become distracted. Gratitude is something you can start practicing now. Being grateful and compassionate to those around you is essential for maintaining a healthy mind.

→ Looking to improve your mental health? Try the SELF MIND app FREE for 1 week!
If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!

Image: Unsplash
References:
Clayton, P. J. (2007). Bereavement. In Encyclopedia of Stress (pp. 317-323). Elsevier Inc. doi: 10.1016/B978-012373947-6.00053-2

Kato, T. (2005). The Relationship Between Coping with Stress Due to Romantic Break-Ups and Mental Health. Japanese Journal of Social Psychology 20(3), 171-180. doi: 10.14966/jssp.KJ00003724999

Kawano, T. (1993). Diseases After Bereavement: Bereavement Stress and Health Disorders. Shinshin-Igaku, 33(1), 35-38. doi: 10.15064/jjpm.33.1_35

Tsukawaki, R. (2014). Types of Romantic Breakups and Stress-Coping Styles on Stress and Recovery Period After Breakup. Bulletin of the Psychological Counseling Center, 10, 23-27.

The post Stressful Goodbyes: How Heartbreak Affects Our Health appeared first on SELF MIND.

Workplace Relationships Affects Everyone

It’s not that difficult to avoid stressful situations if it’s within personal relationships. You can usually cut ties with a person or create distance so that they can’t distract you.

However, when it comes to stressful relationships at the workplace, it can be impossible to avoid certain people due to work responsibilities. Unavoidable work stress can cause mental illnesses when they’re left unattended.

The Impact of Stressful Relationships at Work

Stressful work relationships are continually listed among the top 10 reasons why an employee quits their job. Not everyone leaves their job for positive reasons and sometimes, their mental health can be way too damaged by the time they leave their job.

High Risk of Depression and Burnout

There’s a risk to a person bearing through high-stress environments for long durations. Long-term stress is known to lead to possible mental illnesses.

A prominent mental illness due to prolonged depressed feelings and anxiety is depression. Workplace stress can cause unhealthy conditions for your mental well-being, as well as physical symptoms like insomnia and fatigue. As a result, some serious cases may even cause difficulties in getting out of the house in the end.

Burnouts are typical symptoms due to high stress. This happens to people even when they used to enthusiastically work before, but lost any motivation to move forward. It is said that burnouts strongly correlate with depression.

Mental illnesses that stem from stress require immediate attention. Once a person recognizes the state that they’re in, they should go seek professional help right away. For some, it may be hard to understand their state from an objective perspective. It’s important to create a work environment that allows people to look out for each other so that everyone can recognize when someone is “off.”

How to Deal With Stressful Relationships at Work

How vast of a relationship you need to hold depends on your industry and type of job, but most of us need to maintain relationships with a variety of people. As much as diversity is important, the differences in age, background, and type of employment can all easily become a blocking point as well.

What kind of stressful relationships exist in the workplace and how can we deal with them?

1. Workplace Harassment

Workplace harassment is a huge issue when we consider stressful situations and relationships at work.

Below are a few possible categories of workplace harassment:
・Discriminatory Harassment – based on race, age, gender, religion, etc.
・Power Harassment – a person in power harasses a victim who is lower on the office hierarchy
・Physical Harassment – based on physical attacks and threatening behavior
・Psychological Harassment – discrediting, isolating or belittling a person
・Sexual Harassment – includes unwanted sexual advances, conduct, or behavior

In many cases, the problem lies in the fact that the harasser is not aware of what they are doing. No matter how humorous, genuine, and encouraging they “think” they are, their words and actions could be taken differently by the receiver.

＜How to Improve The Situation＞

To stop harassment, you must let the harasser know so that they become aware of what they are doing. Social dynamics may make it difficult for you to directly speak up or confront the person in power. If so, try to talk to someone who is in an adequate position to raise your concerns for improvement.

If it’s difficult to voice your opinion on your own, talk to someone who is in a similar position as you. Submitting concerns as a group is more effective than doing it alone. If there is no one that you can talk to, you should consult a lawyer or get in touch with the U.S. EEOC.

Workplace harassment can be solved through action. There is no need to stay quiet or hold it all in. We all need to take part in creating an environment that will not tolerate any kind of harassment. Our individual awareness of this issue is essential for ourselves and for any other potential victim.

2. There’s Somone You Dislike

When we spend long hours at work, naturally, there will be stressful people that have challenging personalities and different ideologies. They don’t necessarily do anything intentionally bad towards you, you just don’t get along with them that well.

Projects that involve close teamwork with managers and coworkers we dislike can cause long-term stress. There are people we grow close to through frequent communication, but there will always be a few that we have difficulties with.

According to studies, people who easily hold a strong distaste towards others tend to have low self-esteem. In other words, people who have no self-confidence are more critical towards others. This means that building self-confidence could help reduce our dislikes. When we truly accept who we are and reach a point of confidence, there’s no behavior that can really bother us. Even if tension arises between another person, we can brush it off optimistically when there’s confidence.

＜How to Improve The Situation＞

We should always stay calm when friction arises so that we can think through the issues objectively. An open mind with a rational view can give us an opportunity to look at things with less bias.

For example, if a boss got upset at your mistake and you only focused on the fact that they were “upset,” an emotional response might be that we feel angry and stressed. However, an objective view would help us switch things into a positive narrative, where we feel thankful that our mistakes were corrected early on so that they won’t happen again.

Verbalized thoughts are effective in gaining objective perspectives. Talk to someone you trust or write a diary. It can even be an internal conversation with yourself. All of these things will help you organize your thoughts to see things more clearly and objectively.

The Positivity of Healthy Relationships

On the other hand, positive relationships at work can be the best medication for our mental health. A coworker you can talk to daily, or a great boss can all help reduce stress.

Good relationships at the workplace are known to:

・Improve teamwork and collaboration
・Improve employee morale
・Increase employee productivity
・Lead to higher employee retention rates

As we can see, relationships can be both toxic and helpful for our wellbeing depending on the situation.

There are no straight answers on how to solve relationship issues. Everyone seeks their own path to reach a conclusion. A shift in perspective or new ways of thinking can hint us towards a better direction to improve our relationship at the workplace.

Looking to improve your mental wellbeing? Try the SELF MIND app FREE for 1 week!
If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!

References：

McFarlin, K. (2019, February 5). Importance of Relationships in the Workplace. Small Business – Chron.Com. https://smallbusiness.chron.com/importance-relationships-workplace-10380.html

Nagatomi, Y. (2015). Psychological harassment and mental health at work. Journal of Osaka University of Economics, 66(1), 223–233. https://ci.nii.ac.jp/naid/120005616521

Nagatomi, Y. (2016). Stress trigger and process under workplace harassments. Journal of Osaka University of Economics, 66(5), 243–248. https://doi.org/10.24644/keidaironshu.66.5_243

Ostuka, Y., Suzuki, A., & Takada, M. (2007). Mental Health at The Workplace: Recent Trends and Stress Coping Realities. The Japanese Journal of Labour Studies, 49(1), 41–53. https://ci.nii.ac.jp/naid/120002099808

Yahnke, K. (2020, June 12). 11 Types of Workplace Harassment (and How to Stop Them). I-Sight. https://i-sight.com/resources/11-types-of-workplace-harassment-and-how-to-stop-them/

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Preparing for Your New Life Living Abroad

The Japanese Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare (MHLW) lists social factors as a significant stressor in daily life. Moreover, they categorize them in the following 4 ways:

・Interpersonal relationships
・Separation from or death of a close family member
・Problems at work
・Changes in environment, such as moving houses

On one hand, it is easy to notice the stress caused by relationships, separation from family, and work problems. However, we need to also be careful as our environment changes, because it may cause us to accumulate stress unconsciously. It would be nice if there was someone close by that you could turn to in times of trouble. If not, however, you may find yourself mentally overwhelmed.

Moving to another country is one such way in which your living environment changes significantly. In order to avoid becoming stressed and overwhelmed by the unfamiliarity of living abroad, it is important to prepare in advance and get rid of any anxiety factors. Below are 3 things you can look into at the very least.

Collect Information Before Moving to Another Country

Nowadays, information can be easily obtained through the Internet and social networking sites. It is a good idea to use such information networks to research the kind of place you will be living in.

・Public transportation
・Directions to your new office or school
・Location of supermarkets and restaurants
・Local culture
・Differences in public safety between day and night
・Weather and temperature

Knowing the basic information about local life before moving to another country will help you prepare and avoid stress.

Adapt to Environment Changes through Language

Language is one of the most common causes of stress when moving to another country. Although there are now many translation services and apps available, it is best if you can handle the language yourself. You don’t have to master the language perfectly before you go; in fact, you can study it even after you arrive and get settled in your new location. However, it’s a good idea to have at least the basic phrases and greetings necessary for shopping and getting around. This will help significantly as your environment changes and you are surrounded by a new language.

Before moving to another country, make a habit of carrying a translation app or dictionary with you. Try to learn at least a few words in your free time to broaden your communication. In addition, is also effective to use gestures to communicate when you find yourself in a bind. However, interpretations of different gestures will vary between cultures. It may also be beneficial to familiarize yourself with how the local people use gestures in non-verbal communication. Learning the language is vital in adapting to living abroad as your environment changes.

Saving Money Before Living Abroad

Make sure you have a financial reserve before moving to another country in case you need to make sudden expenses. For example – but not limited to – unexpected happenings and accidents. Sometimes, the stress of living in an unfamiliar environment can affect your physical condition. If this happens, you will need to pay for medical treatment and medication. Furthermore, if the local cost of living is high, the burden will be even greater. It’s also a good idea to have enough savings to cover the cost of a round-trip ticket in case of emergencies.

Having enough money in your pocket will also help you feel more comfortable and safe in starting your new life living abroad.

Your Mental Health with Environment Changes

The longer you plan to stay, the more important it becomes to make sure your mental health is in check. According to a survey of 895 members of the Japan Overseas Cooperation Volunteers (JOCV), stress-related ailments – including depression – accounted for about 10% of all injuries and illnesses. Furthermore, the rate of mental stress was particularly high among those who had been working overseas for under a year. Specifically, the causes were “lack of support in work” and “low satisfaction in daily life”. The reality is that these volunteer members often find themselves in areas where the environment is not sufficiently developed. Consequently, this places a heavy mental burden on them. This is something to watch out when you plan on moving to another country.

In addition, the study found that physical and mental ailments tend to appear within six months of living abroad, and decrease significantly after a year. Therefore, it is particularly important to take care of one’s mental health around the six-month mark when living abroad.

Minimizing Stress Through Familiarization

One of the factors that may reduce the burden on the body and mind when living abroad is becoming familiar and acclimated to local life. Through adapting to the changes in environment over the course of a year, the ability to cope and adapt increases.

The following is an example from an interview survey of Japanese ex-pats who had extended experience living abroad. A Japanese woman who worked for a real estate company was transferred to China without confidence in her own work. As a result, she was stressed by the unfamiliarity of living in a small apartment and changes in environment. As she continued to live a simple and frugal life, she gradually became accustomed to it. Eventually, she no longer found it difficult to live. In fact, she eventually married a Chinese man and found herself closely identifying with the local population.

If you live in one place for a long time, you will experience various difficulties and face challenges. However, by overcoming them each time, you will learn how to solve these once-unique challenges. Consequently, you will gain knowledge that will help you feel more relaxed about living abroad. Moreover, the parts of you that did not change will become your identity, leading to a stronger sense of individuality and confidence. By discovering a new self and broadening your horizons through moving to another country, you may find the opportunity for greater growth.

Moving to Another Country is Exciting!

In this way, both physical and mental preparation is extremely important when planning on moving to another country. It is a good idea to prepare as much as possible for unexpected happenings how you will react to them. The more you prepare, the less anxiety and negative thoughts you will have, even as your environment changes rapidly.

It is also important to have a way to relieve stress on the hand. If you have a stress-relieving method that you practice habitually, you may be able to prevent the secondary effects of excessive stress. The following is an example of a simple exercise you could do. Give it a try if you’re interested.

Mental health care is an important matter for overcoming differences in culture, values, and environment, and for stepping up your game when moving to another country. If you are ever thinking of getting a fresh start by living abroad, refer back to this article to help yourself prepare!

Looking to improve your mental health?

Try the SELF MIND app FREE for 1 week!
If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!

Image: Unsplash
References:

Abe, Y., Kamiya, H., Nakazawa, T., Kuwatsuka, K., & Yui, Y. (2013). How are Japanese Employees Working in Shanghai and Adapting to Local Community? The Human Geographical Society of Japan Annual Meeting, 118-119. doi: 10.11518/hgeog.2013.0.118.0

Kato, S., Doi, Y., Tsutsui, S., & Makino, M. (2004). Job Stress among Japan Overseas Cooperation Volunteers: Using the Brief Job Stress Questionnaire. Sangyo Eiseigaku Zasshi, 46(6), 191-200. doi: 10.1539/sangyoeisei.46.191

Katsuyama, H., Nakano, E., Sasaki, J., & Tsuchiya, G. (1993). Issues in Mental Health Care for Overseas Business Travelers. Japanese Society of Psychosomatic Medicine, 33(6), 527-. doi: 10.15064/jjpm.33.6_527_3

Tanaka, M. (2008). How the lnfiuence of Living Abroad Lends for a Greater Sense of Personal Identity: An lnquiry lnformed from the Experience of one Japanese Woman Who Has Lived in the US for over Twenty Years. Tokyo Future University bulletin, 1, 89-99.

The post Moving to Another Country: Environment Changes and Challenges appeared first on SELF MIND.

How to Use an Intervention Bracelet

The “intervention bracelet” method was devised at the University of Texas. According to their research, students with high tendencies of anxiety found this method to reduce stress and improve self-esteem.

The intervention bracelet method is extremely easy in practice.

1. Prepare a bracelet that’s easy to put on and remove. (Rings, wristwatches or elastic bands are also acceptable)
   
2. Go about your day as usual with the bracelet on one of your wrists.
   
3. Whenever you feel any negative emotions arise, remove the bracelet, and put it on the opposite hand.

Repeat step #3 every time you feel any kind of stress. The importance is in the predetermined action we take whenever negative emotions arise. This helps us acknowledge our stress in a rational manner. According to the study, subjects who practiced this method for three weeks developed awareness towards stress, and also successfully reduced their chronic discomfort.

The Importance of Noticing Stress

Whether it’s going on vacation, enjoying hobbies, or exercise, different people have different ways of getting rid of their stress. Of course, we should be practicing self-care methods suitable to our needs, but in order for that to work, we need to first ‘notice’ when we feel stress. When stress impacts, it’s only natural to get caught in the emotional reaction of irritation or exhaustion. Moreso than our reaction, we need to acknowledge and focus on the fact that we’re feeling ‘stress’.

Noticing stress is a crucial step in treating it. Of course, you could deal with the vague feelings of stress by, let’s say, dancing it out. But the later you precisely acknowledge your stress, the harder it becomes to accurately determine the level and cause. At this point, it would be difficult to feel completely refreshed no matter what we do, and unexplained stress will continue to accumulate.

In order to efficiently and appropriately relieve stress, we need to notice it the moment it happens. This process helps us figure the intensity and causes of our stress. The intervention bracelet is a technique that creates an opportunity for us to recognize this stress moment.

Throw Away the Negative, Turn to the Positive

The intervention bracelet effectively increases our awareness of stress. It’s also a great stress relief practice in itself. It’s recommended for people who feel unexplained, vague sources of stress.

Having a coping mechanism on hand, such as the intervention bracelet method, keeps our mental health in check. This is just one of the many easy stress-care techniques you can try. Figure out what works for you and get into the habit of practicing. One of the keys to living a healthy and happy life is to properly cope with stress.

Image：Unsplash
Reference：
Elke Smeets, Kristin Neff, Hugo Alberts, and Madelon Peters
MeetingSuffering WithKindness: Effectsofa BriefSelf-Compassion Intervention for FemaleCollegeStudents（JOURNAL OF CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGY, Vol. xx(x), 1–15 , 2014)

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The Different Insomnia Types

Generally, insomnia is defined by a lack of proper sleep for over a month. Symptoms include fatigue, decreased motivation, decreased concentration, and loss of appetite during waking hours. The cause of insomnia varies, including but not limited to day-to-day stress, psychological illnesses, or side effects of medication. In fact, the duration of sleep is not very important in the definition of insomnia. What matters is whether or not you feel unwell during the day. Many experts agree that even if the actual duration of sleep is short, it is not a problem as long as there are no negative symptoms during the day.

Following this, there are several insomnia types.

・Sleep Onset Insomnia: Struggling to fall asleep, no matter how hard you try, even though it’s night time and you’re in bed.
・Sleep Maintenance Insomnia: Waking up multiple times throughout the night.
・Sleep Offset Insomnia: Waking up too early in the morning or earlier than intended, and struggling to fall back asleep.
・Nonrestorative Sleep: Lack of feeling rested even though you should have gotten enough sleep.

If these symptoms persist, you may eventually develop a dislike towards the act of going to sleep or sleep itself. This can lead to a vicious cycle of tension when falling asleep and a strong sense of commitment to sleep. Consequently, this worsens the symptoms of each of the insomnia types.

Don’t Worry if You Can’t Sleep

All of us have, at least once, experienced the feeling of being unable to sleep even though you want to. Moreover, it is possible for anyone to experience these symptoms for a few days in a row. However, this alone does not mean you have insomnia. Even if you had trouble sleeping for 2 to 3 days, as long as you feel OK during the day, it shouldn’t be too much to worry about. In fact, worrying about “what if I have insomnia?” might actually lead to tension before sleep, potentially leading yourself into a chronic pattern of insomnia.

To avoid falling into any of the insomnia types, try not to stress about it, even if you can’t sleep. The key to maintaining a healthy sleep is to think positively, relax your body, and tell yourself, “maybe I’m having trouble sleeping today, but tomorrow will be just fine.”

How Much Should We Sleep, Anyway?

The hours of sleep required for a healthy lifestyle varies from person to person. Some people will feel sleepy during the day even though they got 7 hours the night before. Conversely, some people will function perfectly fine on just 3 hours of solid sleep. Many people who have trouble sleeping believe that they need to get more than 6 hours for it to be healthy sleep. In this way, they end up raising the bar for themselves regarding the duration and quality of their sleep. However, the hours required for a healthy sleep varies from person to person. Therefore, there is no need to apply generalizations to your own sleep and stress about the exact hours of sleep you are getting.

It is also important to remember that the amount of sleep you need to maintain good health changes with age. This is due to changes in the body’s internal clock caused by aging. The typical nighttime sleep duration is 8 to 9 hours up to age 10, about 8 hours at age 15, about 7 hours at age 25, about 6.5 hours at age 45, and about 6 hours at age 65. In other words, it is quite natural for us to need less sleep as we age. Therefore, there is no need for much concern if you find it harder to sleep than when you were younger.

How to Escape Those Sleepless Nights

In order to improve your sleeping habits, it is most important to get your body into a “sleep-friendly” state before going to bed. To achieve this, it is necessary to relax your body and mind and create an environment suitable for sleep. It is also important to eliminate any elements that may interfere with sleep as much as possible.

Here are some ways to improve your sleep that you can try right away.

Wake up at the same time and bathe in sunlight

The human brain switches from “sleep mode” to “waking mode” when exposed to sunlight after waking up. It is also believed that people generally begin to feel sleepy 14 to 16 hours after waking up. In other words, by waking up at the same time every morning and exposing yourself to sunlight, your body can become accustomed to your lifestyle rhythm, becoming sleepy at the same time every night. The important thing is to keep your waking time the same even if your bedtime is later. This way, even if you stay up late, your body clock will not be disturbed and you will be able to maintain your daily rhythm.

Only get in bed once you are sleepy

It’s hard to fall asleep when your body and brain aren’t ready for it. Thinking that you have to sleep immediately creates tension in your body and mind, making it even harder to sleep. Firstly, try to relax both your body and mind, and only get in bed when you naturally feel like sleeping. Moreover, avoid spending time in bed unless you are going to sleep. If you spend time on your bed when you don’t intend to sleep, your brain will begin to recognize it as a place of activity. Consequently, it will be difficult to switch your brain to “sleep mode” when you are actually ready to sleep.

Relax your mind and body

For a good night’s sleep, it is of utmost importance to relax both your body and mind. Try to relax by doing some light stretching before bedtime or lighting candles with relaxing scents. Another tip is taking a bath 1 to 2 hours before bedtime. This will help lower your body temperature and make it easier to fall asleep.

Things to avoid before sleep

Refrain as much as possible from activities that may interfere with falling asleep. It is said that the blue light emitted by TV and smartphone screens have the effect of waking up the brain. Refrain from watching TV or using using your phone before going to bed. Moreover, nicotine in cigarettes and caffeine in coffee and other beverages also have the effect of waking the brain, so it is best to avoid these before bedtime. Intense exercise also causes the body to release adrenaline, a stimulant that makes it difficult for the brain to sleep. When exercising to relax, try to keep it to light stretching.

In order to get rid of any of these insomnia types, it is important to face your own sleeping habits with the correct understanding and to practice habits for better sleep. However, there are various causes of insomnia that plague many people today. Depending on the cause, it may not be possible to solve the problem by one’s own efforts alone. If your insomnia is the byproduct of mental or physical illness, or a side effect of medication, you may need to improve it under the guidance of a professional doctor.

Say Goodbye to Sleeplessness!

Sleep is a health behavior that is essential for humans to sustain life. It also occupies so much time in our lives that most people spend one-third of their lives sleeping. Having a good sleep habit will help you maintain good physical and mental health throughout your life. Subsequently, it will contribute to your ability to reach your full potential and achieve further growth.

It may not be easy to change the lifestyle habits that are already ingrained in your body and develop better sleeping habits. But if you think that it will make your life healthier and more fulfilling, it will be well worth the effort.

→ Looking to improve your mental health? Try the SELF MIND app FREE for 1 week!
If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!

Image:Unsplash
References:
Munezawa, T., & Mishima, K. (2009). Cognitive Behavior Therapy for Insomnia. Journal of Mental Health, 55, 71-78.

Uchiyama, M. (2010). Clinical Managements of Insomnia and Hypersomnia. Journal of Nihon University Medical Association 69(1), 11-16. doi: 10.4264/numa.69.11

The post Insomnia Types and How to Deal with Them appeared first on SELF MIND.

Talk to yourself. Does that sound like what old people do? We all do it in some form whether we are aware or not. For instance, you may have heard your inner voice reassure, “It’ll be okay”. At other times, asking criticizing questions like, “How did I screw this up?” Self-talking is a habitual and natural inner dialogue that we all have. If you don’t recall, these self-talks may be happening unconsciously for you. Moreover, the inner voice usually helps us plan, motivate, problem-solve, practice critical thinking, and reflect. Talking to ourselves can also help us find healthy ways to relieve stress.

For many of us, the self-talk persona is directly tied to our self-worth image. Furthermore, self-dialogues are typiclly shaped by how the surrounding people talked to us as we grew up. What have you said to yourself recently? Moreover, was the voice positive and encouraging, or was it full of self-criticism? Learning how to control our internal conversations can have a positive effect on our mental well-being and stress coping capabilities. Therefore, the next time you talk to yourself, try to listen to the intentions of your internal voice

Positive & Negative Ways to Talk to Yourself

Negative Self-Talk

An increase in negative self-talk allows the development of self-doubt and poor self-perception. This refers to negative or harmful intent behind the languag you use when you talk to yourself. Negative self-talk leads to higher stress, anxiety, depression, and shame. In addition, research indicates that self‐criticism is related to stress‐induced changes in our biochemistry.

If the tendency of self-criticism is already a habit, it can be hard to catch. In this case, observations of our internal dialogues can identify where the negative traps are. Some environments or people may be making you vulnerable to negative self-talk. Being aware of situations prone to stimulate negativity can help us navigate better, prepare, and avoid them altogether. Another good method is to recognize, stop, and evaluate how you talk to yourself in times of stress. If we feel entangled within our own negative thoughts, we can instead focus on how to rephrase our experience in a neutral or positive light. Changing the way we think may take some time, but with practice, we can re-wire our brains to steer away from toxic internal conversations. Moreover, this is essential in finding healthy and appropriate ways to relieve stress.

Positive Self-Talk

An increase in positive self-talk enhances our motivation, performance, and general well-being. This refers to positive and helpful intent behind the language you use when you talk to yourself. An optimistic and encouraging perspective leads to better mental skills for problem-solving, out-of-the-box thinking, and coping skills for hardships or challenges. In addition, it can relieve the harmful effects of stress and anxiety.

A study on the impact of self-talk affirms the important habit of restating negative statements into positive ones. Scientists say that consciously feeding our minds with positive empowering self-talk is a crucial skill that changes our perspectives and attitudes towards ourselves and others. This is why many self-help advisors suggest using daily positive affirmations. Therefore, try to increase the frequency and volume of encouraging internal dialogues through self-talk. Hanging out with positive people can also help. This is because the people we surround ourselves with can have a huge impact on the language we tend to use. See how you can reframe a negative comment into a more encouraging one. In the end, the best pep-squad for you is YOU!

‘How’ You Talk to Yourself Matters

A Constructive Second-Person Dialogue

Some of us may find that forced positivity onto our inner thoughts can be uncomfortable. People who identify themselves as ‘realists’ may have difficulties turning a blind eye to the negative while covering it with positive self-talk. In other words, when you talk to yourself, it’s not as simple as drowing yourself in positive rhetoric. The good news is that there are more constructive and effective ways to relieve stress.

In 2014, a research team at Michigan University examined the different ways people held their internal conversations and how it affected them. Researchers asked participants to prepare for a public speech, and then divided them into different groups. Each group was given instructions to perform self-talk using different pronouns as they prepared. The results revealed that the pronouns and language mattered more so than whether the conversation was negative or positive. Above all, the group that used second-person pronouns performed the best; feeling less regret, shame, or stress after their speech. These results help us understand that small shifts in pronoun use towards ourselves influence our ability to regulate feelings, thoughts, and behaviors, even under social stress. In other words, when you talk to yourself, try to use second-person pronouns!

Pronouns Matter When You Talk to Yourself

To give a comparative, here are examples of a first, second, and third-person perspective. Try reading these sentences out loud as if to talk to yourself, and feel the difference.

First-person conversation:
A. “I should prepare for my exams. Why haven’t I started?”
B. “I am not nervous. I am going to talk slowly so people understand me.”

Second-person conversation:
A. “You should prepare for your exams. Why haven’t you started yet?
B. “Don’t be nervous. You should talk slowly so that people understand you.”

Third-person conversation:
A. “(Your Name) should prepare for his/her exams. Why hasn’t he/she started yet?
B. “(Your Name) shouldn’t feel nervous. (Your Name) should talk slowly so that people understand him/her.”

A first-person question like “Why haven’t I started?” can sound like self-criticism. On the other hand, a second-person perspective can create a friendly distance when you talk to yourself. Subsequently, the third-person pronoun may feel more distant where the closeness fades away. Therefore, according to science, introspections in the second-person creates the perfect distance between our internal voice and issues.

Self-Distance When You Talk to Yourself

When we are self-immersed in situations, we tend to use first-person pronouns. Switching-up pronouns can be effective in creating a “self-distance” when you talk to yourself. Self-distancing is the ability to critically reflect on ourselves from an external perspective. In addition, this naturally tends to follow the languages of a second or third-person pronoun. When we talk in third-person, our brain behaves the same as if we were talking to another person.

Why is internal self-distancing an important skill to our mental health? First, it can assist us to better regulate anxieties under stress, as well as objectively find healthy ways to relieve stress. Second, it helps us appraise potential social stressors as less threatening and more so a healthy challenge to take on. Third, it strengthens us to preserve self-control in stressful situations, also helping us to perform better.

Self-Distancing in Practice

Here is how to create self-distance when you talk to yourself:

• Use second-person pronouns to assure that you are not self-immersed.
• Offer reassurance and encouragement, the same as you would do for a friend who’s struggling.
• Acknowledge your emotions. Instead of dismissing it, see if you could give constructive and compassionate advice.
• Visualize the goal. Detach yourself from the current moment and concentrate on making a plan to achieve results.
• Journal. Writing things on paper can create the necessary emotional distance for more objective perspectives.

Self-distancing through visual imagery can also be useful, but a lot of times it requires environments where we can concentrate on our imaginations. Talking to ourselves through an internal dialogue is much easier to do even while we are carrying difficult tasks. This is why using second-person pronouns when you talk to yourself is one of the best ways to relieve stress.

Talk to Yourself as a Mental Health Check-In

Practicing our skills in self-talk is a great way to regulate our mental health. After all, our own voice what we will be hearing most repeatedly throughout life. Furthermore, it’s something we can start immediately without external help and feel instant results of encouragement. Therefore, try to talk to yourself regularly and check in on your own emotions and feelings. This could help regulate and maintain a healthy mind, as well as finding appropriate ways to relieve stress as necessary. Do you talk to yourself in a way that excels you or harms you? Give yourself a chance to be the best support possible!

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If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!

Image: Unsplash

References:

Cascio, C. N., O’Donnell, M. B., Tinney, F. J., Lieberman, M. D., Taylor, S. E., Strecher, V. J., & Falk, E. B. (2015). Self-affirmation activates brain systems associated with self-related processing and reward and is reinforced by future orientation. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 11(4), 621–629. https://doi.org/10.1093/scan/nsv136


Chopra, K. (2012). Impact of positive self-talk. University of Lethbridge Research Repository. https://hdl.handle.net/10133/3202


Gruen, R. J., Silva, R., Ehrlich, J., Schweitzer, J. W., & Friedhoff, A. J. (1997). Vulnerability to Stress: Self-Criticism and Stress-Induced Changes In Biochemistry. Journal of Personality, 65(1), 33–47. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-6494.1997.tb00528.x


Holland, K. (2018, October 17). Positive Self-Talk: How Talking to Yourself Is a Good Thing. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/positive-self-talk


Kross, E., Bruehlman-Senecal, E., Park, J., Burson, A., Dougherty, A., Shablack, H., Bremner, R., Moser, J., & Ayduk, O. (2014). Self-talk as a regulatory mechanism: How you do it matters. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 106(2), 304–324. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0035173


Rawlings, R. (2019, May 7). The Connection Between Self-Talk and Wellbeing – Mind Cafe. Medium. https://medium.com/mind-cafe/what-self-talk-has-to-say-about-mental-health-d87a22ca0848

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