How the Body Responds: Stability vs. Change

The Capability to Keep Things Stable: Homeostasis

Our bodies generally have an average physical standard to maintain.

For example, your average temperature, average blood pressure, and the pressure to keep body fluids flowing throughout the body, theses are all kept at a standard of each person. This capability to keep things stable is called Homeostasis.

However, our physical body changes its standard when there’s a breakthrough change. As we grow, our physical standards change from a baby to adulthood. Another simple way to look at it is to notice what happens when we continually stimulate the body through exercises. There is always a way to break through our current homeostasis.

The Brain’s Capability to Change: Neuroplasticity

We have the ability to change as a result of the various stressful experiences we go through.

Our brain determines what experience is stressful or how a person should cope with it. This capability is called Neuroplasticity (also known as brain plasticity) where the neural networks in the brain change and adapt through growth and reorganization. These functional and structural changes range from individual neuron pathways to systematic adjustments.

Stress: Allostasis and Allostatic Load

If we have a system in place that keeps our body stable, what keeps it intact or causes the breakthrough and adaptation for change?

Allostasis

The driving force that pushes for an adaptive process forward is called Allostasis. Allostasis is the “stress” that impacts the production of mediators such as adrenalin, cortisol, and other chemical messengers. The response of these mediators promotes adaptation to the acute stress we experience.

Once stress (allostasis) hits us, the body responds by creating a new baseline of homeostasis so that it can anticipate and prepare for the next coming stress. Essentially, the body works naturally like an AI (Artificial Intelligence) where it learns from previous experiences. Once new homeostasis is created, we are capable of tolerating or handling the same situation with less stress.

Allostatic Load

On the other hand, allostasis can change to allostatic load.

The changes and stressors that impact our life can have both positive and negative effects. Excessive stress over a long period of time can have detrimental effects on the body and permanently alter the architecture of the brain. This negative effect is called the Allostatic Load.

Allostatic overload keeps us “stressed” while it wears and tears away at the body and brain. This happens when our body undergoes constant stress while the homeostasis fails to create a new baseline to adapt.

The 4 Types of Stress That Becomes Allostatic Load

There are 4 circumstances as to why the allostasis can change into allostatic load:

1. Repeated “hits” from multiple stressors
2. Difficulties in adaptation
3. Delayed shutdowns and prolonged responses in the aftermath of the stress incident
4. Inadequate response leads to compensatory hyperactivity of other mediators

The best way to prevent these circumstances is by learning how to mitigate stress through techniques that we can practice every day.

An “Active Recovery” From Stress

Stress mitigation through physical activity is called Active Recovery. Active recovery is said to be the best way to prevent allostasis from becoming allostatic load.

There are no strict measures on what counts as active recovery, but generally speaking, you want to keep a 30 minute physical activity that will keep 70% of your maximum heart rate. This includes running, swimming, biking, yoga, dance, etc. When an enjoyable activity increases the heart rate and fully uses the brain and muscle, it relaxes our mental state more than if we just rested. This allows a state where we can prepare to welcome the next stressful event.

If incorporating a rigorous exercise routine seems difficult for you right now, you can start by just taking daily walks around your neighborhood.

If “exercise” sounds less exciting, you can always take on an active hobby like dancing. Music that heightens the mood and a sense of accomplishment that comes from learning a new skill will surely satisfy those that want a sense of stimulation and growth.

Learn How to Cope With Stress

Review your day to see how you can incorporate small actions to break your thoughts away from stress. At work, you should never keep still in your office chair for hours. If you want to use allostasis to your advantage, try to stand up and stretch at least once an hour. Talk to your coworkers, friends, or family if something is bothering you. Small stress relief habits will prevent allostasis from becoming allostatic load.

As long as we can keep stress at healthy manageable levels, we can use it to our advantage to strengthen our brain for future life adversities.

References:

Ganzel, B. L., Morris, P. A., & Wethington, E. (2010). Allostasis and the human brain: Integrating models of stress from the social and life sciences. Psychological Review, 117(1), 134–174. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0017773


McEwen, B. (2005). Stressed or stressed out: What is the difference? Journal of Psychiatry and Neuroscience, 30(5), 315–318. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1197275/


McEwen, B. S., & Gianaros, P. J. (2011). Stress- and Allostasis-Induced Brain Plasticity. Annual Review of Medicine, 62(1), 431–445. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-med-052209-100430


Ratey, J. J., & Manning, R. (2021). Go Wild: Free Your Body and Mind from the Afflictions of Civilization by John J. Ratey Richard Manning(2014–06-03). Little, Brown and Company.

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What Does It Mean to Be Mentally Strong or Weak?

・No One Is Mentally Strong to Begin With

First of all, what does it mean to be mentally “strong” or “weak”?

Mental strength isn’t a given strength people have. It’s more about how good you are at navigating through emotions when a negative incident occurs.

For example, lets’ say a man was given the opportunity to do a presentation at his company. Over a few days, he gathers information, creates the necessary files for it, and presents everything at the end. However, the boss responds with very critical feedback. How does this man react to that critical feedback?

Scenario 1: Let me incorporate what he said and try again

Scenario 2: I’m not going to care about it too much

Scenario 3: I tried so hard, yet all I got was a critical opinion on it

Scenario 1 is a response from someone who is positive that tries to grow towards their next opportunity. Scenario 1 is the most ideal way to navigate your emotions. Instead of facing away from the problem, they improve their skills so that they can prepare and build their mental tolerance towards the issue.

At a quick glance, the scenario 2 response seems like a response from someone who is mentally strong. However, this does not consider fixing the situation to prepare for future possibilities. This response is effective in brushing off malicious and offensive acts carried out towards a person. It is important to assess how important the situation is before you choose this option

The most problematic is scenario 3. A negative response to feedback only grows negative emotions within that leads to a loss of self-esteem. This is spotted in people that are always too serious or are perfectionists. When they can’t achieve their ideal goals, they tend to self-sabotage.

・It’s Important to Shift Your Thoughts

When there’s an inconvenient event that happens, we feel unpleasant. After the unpleasant feelings, it turns into negative emotions of frustration or anxiety. This shift from unpleasant to negative emotion is part of how the brain reacts and we cannot change this mechanism.

Most people who are mentally vulnerable tend to be affected by these negative emotions that arise. Eventually, they feel trapped in a negative cell from the illusion that they’ve created.

People who are considered mentally strong are capable of shifting their thinking more positively before they get affected by these negative emotions.

This thought shift is a vital skill. If we use the example from above in the case of the presentation getting critical feedback from the boss, you can shift your thinking into the positive by focusing on your potential growth from this experience.

5 Mental Strength Training Methods to Try Now

Just like muscle strength or endurance training, we can build out our mental strength so that we become more tolerant of adversities. Below, we introduce the 5 training methods we recommend for you to try.

Method 1: Self-Reflect Through Self-Talk

By changing the pronouns while you talk to yourself, you can create a second-person dialogue. This allows you to see your situation from a distance so that you can see things more clearly and objectively.

You can specifically shift the dialogue by using first-person, second-person, and third-person pronouns. Below are examples if we continue the scenario of presenting and receiving critical feedback from the boss.

・First-Person
“I’m super nervous. I’ve perpared well, but I wonder if everyone will understand.”

・Second-Person
“Hey, you don’t have to feel so nervous. You’ve prepared well, so all you have to do is present with confidence.”

・Third-Person
“He doesn’t have to feel that nervous. He prepared well. I’m sure people will understand if he presents with confidence.”

As you can see, talking to yourself as if you were another person creates the necessary distance to gain clarity.

Method 2: Mindfulness Meditation

Mindfulness is a way of thinking that enhances the experience of the present “now.” Mindfulness meditation is applied in cognitive behavioral therapy within the mental health field.

It focuses on subtle sensory signs of the body, such as how it feels when a single bean is placed on the palm of your hand. The focus on these subtle actions helps steer our thoughts away from negativity. Once we displace ourselves from a position of stress, we can recognize new aspects that lead to solving the problem itself.

1. Sit with a straight back
2. Close your eyes and feel your breath
3. If your thoughts start to wander, bring back the attention to the breath

These 3 points are all you need to practice mindfulness meditation. Start from 3 to 5 minutes of practice and then expand to 10 minutes or 15 minutes as you go.

Method 3: Think Like a Fly on the Wall

The Fly On The Wall method is a great way to gain objectivity. As the word spells it out, you act as if you’re a fly on the wall as if you could understand the situation with a bird’s-eye view.

This method is test proven through an experiment at Ohio University and known to be effective as a stress care method. Similar to mindfulness meditation, it requires no tool.

The most important technique in this is to create an external view of what’s happening to yourself.

You’ll be affected less by negative emotions once you learn how to separate your emotions and actual reality. You don’t have to be a fly. It could be another bug, a cloud, a light pole. By continuing this practice, you train your mind to constantly take an objective perspective and this helps cool down anger when it arises.

Method 4: Organize Your Thoughts on a Piece of Paper

If a negative incident is straining your thoughts, try writing it all out on a piece of paper.

The content should be based on what happened and how you felt.

• I got into a fight with a friend – Unhappy
• I had to go to work on a day off – Sad
• I got stuck in traffic – Frustrating

When we write out how we feel on a piece of paper, the visualization of our feelings helps organize our thoughts. The understanding of why we feel unhappy or frustrated will give us the opportunity to recognize our biases and negative beliefs.

Negativity is contagious so it’s easy to roll down the negative spiral once you’re in it. Write out all your feelings and organize your thoughts. See if you can capture things in a more positive light.

Method 5: Learn How to Build Automatic Positivity

Mental weakness comes from us reacting negatively to incidents. This is called “automatic thinking,” and when our automatic thoughts are steered negatively it can trigger a state of depression.

However, this tendency can be fixed through training by continually focusing on the 3 points below:

1. Reflect on your past success
2. Think positive thoughts if you ever feel yourself getting negative
3. Think of the influences that positive memories bring

First, recall a positive success memory. It can be anything from receiving a compliment or a good score on a test. Think of what elements produced the results and try to unravel the secrets to your success and failures. Continually recalling your success will automatically kick your thoughts into positive gear.

It’s also helpful to recall how you’ve overcome failure. If you ever feel negative, remember the moment you grew from your failures. Perhaps it’s now a great story to tell or you recognize how important someone was to you. Try to understand the past as a positive event that made you who you are today.

If your friends encouraged you through failures, you can take it that you have great friends. If you’re able to make it into a great story from the past, perhaps you have the whit to do so. Sprinkle these positive aspects into your mind and this will help create an automated process towards positive thinking.

Strengthen The Mind and Body Through Mental Training

We talked about strengthening our mental tolerance through training, but weakness has its benefits too.

If you tend to be sensitive to small incidents, another way to see it is that you are expressive and have a strong sensibility. If you feel anxiety and pressure, it could mean that you feel more responsible than others.

If you feel that you’re mentally weak and need the training to build mental tolerance, just make sure that you don’t lose the great aspects that you already have. We hope you keep your unique greatness as an individual while building out parts that need support for a more enjoyable life!

Nowadays, an AI can help you on your mental journey without any restrictions on time schedule, or location. The more you interact, the more adequate advice it can give. It’s an affordable alternative counseling method with a free trial period. Give it a try!
→SELF MIND

Reference：

【World Health Organization】

【BlueCross BlueShield THE HEALTH OF AMERICA】

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The Infant Phase

One of the top moments a parent feels stressed is when we don’t understand what their infant is trying to communicate. This is a phase where we also have to deal with our own insecurities and frustrations of not being a pro parent yet.

・Embrace a Child’s Need to Learn From Their Failures

Typically, once an infant can walk, they start making a mess. Sometimes they won’t even listen to what you have to say, and that can be quite frustrating. Oftentimes we try to discipline them right away, but it’s important that we give the child an opportunity to fail and learn on their own.

For example, if your child insists on only wearing a t-shirt in the freezing cold outside, a natural response is to try and teach them to wear a sweater “because they’ll catch a cold.” However, a child that doesn’t understand this will reject the idea. This kind of small rejection leads to frustration for many parents.

When you want to discipline a child, it’s important that they understand the consequences. Instead of telling them what is wrong or right, embrace a child’s failure so that they can learn. In this case, let the child step outside in a t-shirt once so they themselves understand that more layers are needed.

・It’s Okay if You’re Not the “Perfect Parent”

Parents are role models for the children, but that doesn’t mean we all become perfect people once we’re parents. Regardless, we all try to strive for perfection so that we can meet our ideals of what a parent should be. This can cause stress and frustration. It’s important to let go of perfectionism and be okay with not being the “perfect parent.”

Parental demands can be stressful at times. If you’re feeling stressed, ask for help from a partner or family to take some occasional time off. You are your own person before you’re a parent. You should take good care of your mental wellbeing so that you don’t reach a point of boiling frustration.

Remember that you’re on a growth path together with your children and everyone in the family. That should bring a sense of relief.

・Visualize Near-Future Possibilities

No matter how hard we try, there are still unexpected moments where we feel the mental toll of being a parent. If you feel that your frustration might be pointed unfairly towards your partner or child, try to envision the following things:

• He/she is naughty now, but what are the chances that they grow to become someone incredible?
• What would my child be interested in once she/he enters elementary school?
• Would I be able to share the struggles of being a parent once he/she has their own child?

By visualizing a future, you can get away from the present reality for a while and also use the gained motivation to strive forward.

The Child to Teen Phase

The idea of individuality and independence sprouts between the child to teen phase. The parent needs to adapt to the rapid changes that happen during this phase. Otherwise, there will be lots of repetitive clashes that create frustration on both ends.

・Understand That They Are Different From You

Once a child enters elementary school, they become more and more capable of doing things on their own, and individual personalities start to grow.

If you come off as too overbearing during this phase, it will lead to countless arguments and stress. As your child grows, try to grow your own sense of understandings along with them. A healthy acknowledgment, that your child is a different person from you, will create a good sense of mental relief in keeping a healthy relationship.

・Respect Their Individuality

It’s very important to respect a child’s unique individuality.

For example, if a child wants to do other things than study, you might tell them, “Your future happiness depends on how hard you study.” A child may resent the fact that you took away their passion if you stop them forcefully. The rebellious phase is a tricky phase that can easily escalate to lots of arguments and frustrations.

Each person has their own way to value happiness. Even as a parent, you should be very mindful not to push your own values of what happiness means. If you can show respect to the uniqueness that they hold and try to be their support throughout, parenting will become less frustrating.

・Learn How To Better Manage Anger

Anger management is an important tool to self-control the anger that manifests within. If you feel anger arise, the next few actions can help suppress it quickly and effectively.

• Immediately count to 6 on the spot
• Create physical distance between the cause of your anger
• Recall positive memories from the past
• Take a deep breath
• Cook

These are just a few examples of the actions you can take to steer your focus away from anger.

A university study took 4 pairs of parents and asked them to exercise anger management. Results showed that it gave them a rational perspective on their anger and helped curb frustration.

As a child grows, they will become self-aware and disapprove reactionary anger that comes from a parent. The best attitude and practice to have as a parent is to start from within.

Change Your Outlook To Grow Happier Together

If you tend to feel stressed and overwhelmed from the responsibilities of being a parent, all you need is a little shift in your outlook to reduce some of that stress.

It’s also very important that you learn how to take enjoyable breaks through exercise and hobbies. To learn more about ways to relieve parental stress, check out this other post!

Reference：
Matsumoto, M., & Shibayama, K. (2011). Anger Management for Interpersonal Relationship Improvement. Memoirs of the Faculty of Education, Kumamoto University. The Humanities, 60, 153–162. https://ci.nii.ac.jp/naid/110008750850

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3 Common Reasons of Negativity

According to a study at a university, there are 4 elements that create negative thinking: Regret and Shame, Negative Expressions, Lack of Confidence, and Criticism Towards Others. If we sum it up, the following 3 reasons are the most common triggers for negative thinking.

Severe Long-Term Stress

Stress can be a direct cause of negativity. When we mess up at work/school or can’t perform well, negativity takes over our minds, making less room for positivity to grow. If we surround ourselves with negative people, sometimes we end up being heavily influenced by them too.

Past Traumatic Experiences

Past trauma can impact us in many ways. A person full of optimism and positivity can suddenly change negatively due to shocking incidents. Some people can fall into a negative trap where they can’t believe in anyone after experiencing betrayal from someone they used to trust.

Hormonal Imbalance Due To Poor Lifstyle Choices

A neurological chemical called serotonin has to do a lot with our emotional control and stability. A lack of serotonin not only makes us less energetic, but it can also make us negative too. For your body to properly produce serotonin, a stress-free lifestyle with exercise, a healthy diet, and sunlight becomes crucial. If we can shift our lifestyle with healthier lifestyle habits that promote serotonin, that can push our minds back towards positivity.

3 Reasons Sleep Heals Negativity

Typically, if the cause of our problems is clear, we’d have to fix that first. However, causes such as past trauma or long-term stress cannot be fixed overnight and that can feel like a struggle. Therefore, we advise that you start easy with getting plenty of sleep. In this section, we’ll explain how sleep can heal negativity within our minds.

It Heals the Physical Body and Brain

The brain can rest and condition the body’s hormonal balance when it goes to sleep. A well-balanced hormonal function can fight negativity and build stress resilience towards the incoming negativity we experience.

The body needs to feel energized enough before we start exercising towards a healthy serotonin function. Sleep also helps our whole body restore itself. Without fundamental sleep, it’s hard to make the change we desire.

Leads To Better Lifstyle Habits

A structured sleeping schedule, sunlight, and a healthy diet all contribute towards getting rid of our negativity. A good night’s rest promotes serotonin secretion which helps us back to positivity. Good sleep also helps us stay efficient during the day. Most of us have pulled all-nighters during the weekday only to try and catch up on sleep during the weekends. We can start working on positivity today, just by starting off a healthy sleeping schedule.

Stops The Negativity Loop

Once we fall into a negativity loop our problems seem infinitely larger than what they are. We need to reset our minds so that we can shift gears towards positivity. To easily do this, we recommend sleep.

When we sleep, our thoughts are forced to shut down and we can leave from thinking so much. This gives us the capability to look at things more objectively and calmly when we wake up.

If you have a hard time sleeping, an AI app can help you sort your thoughts through too. Try the SELF MIND app for a FREE trial!
If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!

Sleep Well for a Healthy Mind and Body

Good sleep nourishes our brain and body while it puts our negative thinking on hold. It’s a necessary step for proper serotonin secretion and the key to stopping the negativity. Next time you feel negative and down, stop what you’re doing and go to bed.

Reference：

Akutsu, Y., Odajima, H., & Miya, S. (2008). Changes of positive and negative affect by a stress task. The Annual Report of the Faculty of Education, Iwate University, 68, 1–8. https://iss.ndl.go.jp/books/R100000002-I000000001712-00

Konishi, M., & Yoshida, A. (2011). Life style and environment that influence serotonin secretion. Journal of Osaka Kawasaki Rehabilitation University, 5, 1–20. https://ci.nii.ac.jp/naid/120006866960

Shiraishi, S., Soma, H., & Shimazu, N. (2016). Characteristics of Japanese automatic thoughts in negative situations. Utsunomiya University Repository, 66(1), 3–12. http://hdl.handle.net/10241/10240

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The Struggles of A Parent Today

In general, children from elementary to high school are subjected to various stressors as they confront rapid changes in themselves and their environment. This includes developing their own personality, a rebellious stage, developing secondary sexual characteristics, expanding social engagements, and school work. Simultaneously, more people in their 30s and 40s are marrying and having children later in their lives. This can result in a great deal of stress when it requires them to juggle raising children and caring for their aging parents. The 30s and 40s parents are also at their prime working-age, holding many responsibilities at work. This means there’s an increase in parents who feel more stressed from both work and home.

These stressful environments can influence family dynamics. Once a family relationship becomes strained due to stressors, it can lead to various problems such as child neglect, abandonment, or even domestic violence. Each family dynamic is different. There are no absolute cookie-cutter solutions in building or maintaining an excellent parent-child relationship. Although recently, mindfulness is gaining attention for its effectiveness in reducing parenting stress and building healthy parent-child relationships. Let us introduce how mindfulness and parenting can go hand in hand.

What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is a concept based on the Buddhist teaching of focusing on the present moment. It’s been widely adopted in the world of psychiatry and business in recent years. The actual technique is called “mindfulness meditation,” a meditation that aims to achieve a constant state of calmness.

In mindfulness, the value lies in “accepting the current state without evaluation or judgment.” This is difficult in practice when it comes to relationships. When someone’s behavior is not in our favor, we subconsciously judge them as “selfish” or “incompatible.” We have a natural tendency to judge others on our personal scale of good or bad. Mindfulness training builds the mental capacity to concentrate on the present moment, allowing a focus on our own feelings instead of judgment towards others. This technique can help us at times a relationship feels stressful and out of our control.

Mindfulness in Parenting

Mindfulness practice is relevant when it comes to parenting. Research report several benefits of mindfulness-based parenting and their effectiveness in improving family relationships.

Parents that focus on their child’s “present” state and behavior can accurately catch small signs, subtle changes in behavior, and even decipher an infant’s words. It also reduces the stress a parent feels when their child’s behavior doesn’t align with their own childhood expectations. The acceptance of the child as who they are, without imposed value judgments, creates a better understanding of the child’s characteristics (personality and abilities) without excessive or unattainable expectations. Accurately perceiving and responding to the child’s needs and emotions reduces the chance of stress we feel from a child’s unexpected behaviors. This also increases self-efficacy (the belief in one’s capabilities to organize and execute the courses of action required to manage situations) in a parent.

Easy Mindfulness Practice for Parents

Even when we understand mindfulness as an effective tool, it can still be a challenge to practice every day. The basics of mindfulness starts with meditation. The word “meditation” has us imagine a setting where we sit in silence with our eyes closed, mind empty. For many, this is a tall order when they’re not too familiar with meditation. The onslaught of first-time experiences also makes it difficult for child-rearing parents to maintain an adequate amount of time for themselves. Moreso if the parent has to balance between work, family, and caring for their elders. Time becomes extremely finite, making it increasingly difficult to meditate.

A common misconception about meditation is that we need time and space to do so, but sitting down and closing our eyes only helps induce a meditative state. What’s more important in mindfulness is to actively control one’s attention. In fact, there are some practices adopted by research and clinical practice that can be more easily incorporated into our daily lives.

Below are some of the easiest ways to practice daily mindfulness.

1. Walking Meditation

Applicable Time: During a daily walk or commute.

How: This meditation technique draws full attention to the action of walking. Stay relaxed and breathe naturally. Begin walking at a slow and deliberate pace. Pay full attention to sensations in the heels and toes leaving the ground, movements of the thigh and calf muscles, and the center shifts in gravity. Pay close attention to the physical conditions and changes that occur within the mundane act of walking. 

Additional Tips: Many thoughts may come up while walking, but don’t try to force clearing the mind. Instead, acknowledge the thought and let it go by returning focus to the steps. Walking meditation is a technique that focuses on deliberate walking, so be sure to do it in a safe place where there’s no concern about traffic accidents.

2. Body Scan

Applicable Time: During work or in between housework.

How: A body scan is done by drawing attention to every detail of the body, from the top of the head to the bottom of the toes. It can be done standing or sitting. Try slow, natural breathing to enhance focus as it’s brought to each part of the body starting at the top downwards- the head, the forehead, the ears, … and so on. 

Additional Tips: Understanding the natural state of your body will help you detect any changes or discomforts—for example, an itchy head or slightly tense shoulders.

3. Mindful Cooking & Eating

Applicable Time: While cooking or eating meals.

How: Cooking and eating is a mindless act we do every day that stimulates various senses. Mindfulness promotes the focus on these five senses, and cooking is a suited process for perceiving the multiple sensations. For example, while cutting a raw carrot with a knife, notice the crunchy texture, the chopping sound as the knife hits the cutting board, or the vivid orange colors cut into various shapes. A recipe can go through changes in smell and texture as the food gets cooked. After the food is prepared, pay careful attention to each bite as you chew the food -the looks, smell, the texture in the mouth. The entire process from preparing to eating can become a meditational practice if we act mindfully through each step.

Additional Tips: Through the entire process, there will be times where we’ll find ourselves distracted. If so, don’t suppress the thoughts. Instead, acknowledge the thoughts and bring the attention back to the present moment. It may seem difficult at first, but daily practice will help achieve a natural control over our state of consciousness no matter what situation we face.

Cherishing the NOW Through Mindful Parenting

A growing child continuously faces new experiences every day. The same goes for a parent too, many things occur throughout a child’s life that is new. Even for an experienced parent of several children, each child is unique. The social environment surrounding the parent and child also changes daily. Not every situation replicates a past experience 100%. New experiences can make us feel anxious and nervous, causing stress to slowly grow.

Under stress, we rely on our past experiences and place high hopes for a brighter future. However, parents should be careful not to evaluate their child using judgments based on past experiences or high expectations for the future. This can lead to frustration and anxiety when things don’t go as planned. As a result, both the parent and child will feel overwhelmed and stressed. Objectively, judgments based on past experiences never guarantee desired results for what’s happening now, just as much as high efforts towards the future doesn’t always ensure success.

We all have different personalities and capabilities, so there’s no point in comparing ourselves to others. The best way to reduce parenting stress is by letting go of the standards we hold from the past, future, or comparisons. Once we implement mindfulness and accept ourselves and our children as who they are “now,” we can start enjoying the process of parenting without stressing over each occurrence of events.

If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!
→ Looking to improve your mental health? Try the SELFMIND app FREE for a week!

References：

Yoshimasu, K., Oga, H., Kagaya, R., Kitabayashi, M., & Kanaya, Y. (2012). Parent-Child Relationships and Mindfulness. Japanese Journal of Hygiene, 67(1), 27-36. doi: 10.1265/jjh.67.27

Kitagawa, K., & Muto, T. (2013). What is How to Respond to Difficulties in Promoting Mindfulness. Doshisha Clinical Psychology: Therapy and Research 3(1), 41-51. doi: 10.14988/pa.2017.0000013384

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Workplace Relationships Affects Everyone

It’s not that difficult to avoid stressful situations if it’s within personal relationships. You can usually cut ties with a person or create distance so that they can’t distract you.

However, when it comes to stressful relationships at the workplace, it can be impossible to avoid certain people due to work responsibilities. Unavoidable work stress can cause mental illnesses when they’re left unattended.

The Impact of Stressful Relationships at Work

Stressful work relationships are continually listed among the top 10 reasons why an employee quits their job. Not everyone leaves their job for positive reasons and sometimes, their mental health can be way too damaged by the time they leave their job.

High Risk of Depression and Burnout

There’s a risk to a person bearing through high-stress environments for long durations. Long-term stress is known to lead to possible mental illnesses.

A prominent mental illness due to prolonged depressed feelings and anxiety is depression. Workplace stress can cause unhealthy conditions for your mental well-being, as well as physical symptoms like insomnia and fatigue. As a result, some serious cases may even cause difficulties in getting out of the house in the end.

Burnouts are typical symptoms due to high stress. This happens to people even when they used to enthusiastically work before, but lost any motivation to move forward. It is said that burnouts strongly correlate with depression.

Mental illnesses that stem from stress require immediate attention. Once a person recognizes the state that they’re in, they should go seek professional help right away. For some, it may be hard to understand their state from an objective perspective. It’s important to create a work environment that allows people to look out for each other so that everyone can recognize when someone is “off.”

How to Deal With Stressful Relationships at Work

How vast of a relationship you need to hold depends on your industry and type of job, but most of us need to maintain relationships with a variety of people. As much as diversity is important, the differences in age, background, and type of employment can all easily become a blocking point as well.

What kind of stressful relationships exist in the workplace and how can we deal with them?

1. Workplace Harassment

Workplace harassment is a huge issue when we consider stressful situations and relationships at work.

Below are a few possible categories of workplace harassment:
・Discriminatory Harassment – based on race, age, gender, religion, etc.
・Power Harassment – a person in power harasses a victim who is lower on the office hierarchy
・Physical Harassment – based on physical attacks and threatening behavior
・Psychological Harassment – discrediting, isolating or belittling a person
・Sexual Harassment – includes unwanted sexual advances, conduct, or behavior

In many cases, the problem lies in the fact that the harasser is not aware of what they are doing. No matter how humorous, genuine, and encouraging they “think” they are, their words and actions could be taken differently by the receiver.

＜How to Improve The Situation＞

To stop harassment, you must let the harasser know so that they become aware of what they are doing. Social dynamics may make it difficult for you to directly speak up or confront the person in power. If so, try to talk to someone who is in an adequate position to raise your concerns for improvement.

If it’s difficult to voice your opinion on your own, talk to someone who is in a similar position as you. Submitting concerns as a group is more effective than doing it alone. If there is no one that you can talk to, you should consult a lawyer or get in touch with the U.S. EEOC.

Workplace harassment can be solved through action. There is no need to stay quiet or hold it all in. We all need to take part in creating an environment that will not tolerate any kind of harassment. Our individual awareness of this issue is essential for ourselves and for any other potential victim.

2. There’s Somone You Dislike

When we spend long hours at work, naturally, there will be stressful people that have challenging personalities and different ideologies. They don’t necessarily do anything intentionally bad towards you, you just don’t get along with them that well.

Projects that involve close teamwork with managers and coworkers we dislike can cause long-term stress. There are people we grow close to through frequent communication, but there will always be a few that we have difficulties with.

According to studies, people who easily hold a strong distaste towards others tend to have low self-esteem. In other words, people who have no self-confidence are more critical towards others. This means that building self-confidence could help reduce our dislikes. When we truly accept who we are and reach a point of confidence, there’s no behavior that can really bother us. Even if tension arises between another person, we can brush it off optimistically when there’s confidence.

＜How to Improve The Situation＞

We should always stay calm when friction arises so that we can think through the issues objectively. An open mind with a rational view can give us an opportunity to look at things with less bias.

For example, if a boss got upset at your mistake and you only focused on the fact that they were “upset,” an emotional response might be that we feel angry and stressed. However, an objective view would help us switch things into a positive narrative, where we feel thankful that our mistakes were corrected early on so that they won’t happen again.

Verbalized thoughts are effective in gaining objective perspectives. Talk to someone you trust or write a diary. It can even be an internal conversation with yourself. All of these things will help you organize your thoughts to see things more clearly and objectively.

The Positivity of Healthy Relationships

On the other hand, positive relationships at work can be the best medication for our mental health. A coworker you can talk to daily, or a great boss can all help reduce stress.

Good relationships at the workplace are known to:

・Improve teamwork and collaboration
・Improve employee morale
・Increase employee productivity
・Lead to higher employee retention rates

As we can see, relationships can be both toxic and helpful for our wellbeing depending on the situation.

There are no straight answers on how to solve relationship issues. Everyone seeks their own path to reach a conclusion. A shift in perspective or new ways of thinking can hint us towards a better direction to improve our relationship at the workplace.

Looking to improve your mental wellbeing? Try the SELF MIND app FREE for 1 week!
If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!

References：

McFarlin, K. (2019, February 5). Importance of Relationships in the Workplace. Small Business – Chron.Com. https://smallbusiness.chron.com/importance-relationships-workplace-10380.html

Nagatomi, Y. (2015). Psychological harassment and mental health at work. Journal of Osaka University of Economics, 66(1), 223–233. https://ci.nii.ac.jp/naid/120005616521

Nagatomi, Y. (2016). Stress trigger and process under workplace harassments. Journal of Osaka University of Economics, 66(5), 243–248. https://doi.org/10.24644/keidaironshu.66.5_243

Ostuka, Y., Suzuki, A., & Takada, M. (2007). Mental Health at The Workplace: Recent Trends and Stress Coping Realities. The Japanese Journal of Labour Studies, 49(1), 41–53. https://ci.nii.ac.jp/naid/120002099808

Yahnke, K. (2020, June 12). 11 Types of Workplace Harassment (and How to Stop Them). I-Sight. https://i-sight.com/resources/11-types-of-workplace-harassment-and-how-to-stop-them/

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The Basics of The Four Good Things

This technique is a modified version of the “Three Good Things” method.
You can read more about that in the article below:

In mental health care, keeping a diary is a rudimentary approach to stress-coping. A record of our daily state of mind allows us to see our situation objectively. This also helps us recognize cognitive biases so that we can correct them in the right direction. Given the benefits, it’s a frequently used technique in cognitive behavioral therapy.

The “Four Good Things” method was created by Professor Elaine Fox at the University of Oxford. The use of the diary format through this method effectively relieves stress and steers our thoughts towards a more positive direction. Here is the simple way to do it:

1. Write down one negative thing that happened that day.
2. Write down four positive events.

The positive events can be anything at all, as long as it’s something that makes you feel happy. Here are some examples:

・I was complimented on my work today.
・My family was in a good mood.
・I woke up feeling well-rested.
・The food I ate today was delicious.
・I saw my favorite actor on TV today.

The key is to write down one negative event that happened. In the same way that sprinkling a pinch of salt into a cookie dough can help bring out sweetness, awareness of a negative event will serve as a contrast against the positive. This allows positive events to really shine through to make a stronger impression on the brain.

While there is still little data on this Four Good Things method, Professor Fox’s experiments have confirmed that it has a higher stress-relieving effect than just writing down three good things.

Outshine Negativity With More Positivity

Unfortunately, negative events are more likely to leave an impression in our brains, creating a cognitive bias. For example, let’s say we hop on a train and feel pleased that “the train arrived on time smoothly”. This thought fades away pretty quickly. On the other hand, a negative thought like, “I just missed the train by a few seconds, and now I have to wait until the next one,” will leave a stronger impression on the brain. The stronger the impression, the longer the memory will be retained. Soon, we find ourselves repeatedly experiencing the same feelings every time a similar event happens. As a result, a cognitive bias is created in our minds, leading us to believe that, “I always miss the train by a few seconds. I’m so unlucky.”

In order to avoid creating this bias in our thinking, we need to counteract the impressions of negative events as they occur. Since negative events leave stronger impressions than positive events, counteracting one negative event with one positive event is not enough to achieve our desired outcome. The Four Good Things method aims to eliminate the impact of a negative event by fighting it with four positive events. The idea is simple. Even if something negative happened, if there are even more positive events to remember, the overall impression will turn positive.

If you’re asking yourself, “why am I always so unlucky?” or hold beliefs that, “things just don’t work out the way I want them to,” you may need to correct your own cognitive biases. We can definitely try to increase our stress tolerance and positivity using the Four Good Things.

Throw Away the Negative, Turn to the Positive

The Four Good Things method can potentially eliminate your negative cognitive biases and create a more positive mindset. Give it a try if you want to build a strong mentality to combat stress.

Having a coping mechanism on hand, such as the Four Good Things, keeps our mental health in check. This is just one of the many easy stress-care techniques you can try. Figure out what works for you and get into the habit of practicing. One of the keys to living a healthy and happy life is knowing how to properly cope with stress.

Image：Unsplash
Reference：
Fox, E. (2013). Rainy brain, sunny brain: The new science of optimism and pessimism. London: Arrow Books.

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The Widely-Used Method of Keeping a Diary

The “three good things” utilizes the popular self-care technique of writing in a diary. It’s very simple in practice. All you have to do is write down 3 positive things that happened that day, every day before bed. That’s all there is to it. What you choose to write down can be anything if it makes you feel positive. It could be little things that happened in your day, such as that your family was in a good mood, or you woke up in the morning feeling rested.

According to a study conducted by the University of California, subjects who practiced this habit for 10 weeks increased their resistance to stress by 25%. The three good things method has many positive benefits, including but not limited to:

・Increased feelings of happiness from reminiscing the positive
・Increased proactivity in finding the good in life, resulting in optimism
・Induces natural sleep when made into a regular bedtime habit

The one controversy experts have about this method is the frequency it’s practiced. Some say its best to practice it every day, while others say it’s more effective if done once a week. Moreover, because it’s a well-known technique, there are so many studies about its various perspectives, some of which claim that its effects on happiness are minimal. Just because it’s a commonly recommended method in self-help books, doesn’t mean that it works like magic for everybody.

Having said that, the three good things is definitely a very quick and easy stress care method that has potential for many good outcomes. The investment required in time and money are very low, so why not give it a consistent try!

Refine Your Ability to Find the Positive

In this world, there are people racked with stress, spending their days feeling gloomy – while there are others who have positive outlooks on everything, seemingly always happy even from afar. What is the difference between these two types of people? Of course, there may be inherent differences in personality, living environment, or social standing. But maybe, people with a higher sense of happiness are just “better at finding the positive in life”.

Many of us focus on negative experiences where we repeatedly remind ourselves of the bad. This leads our thinking to be more negative in general. In order to suppress these negative thoughts and practice positivity, we need to intentionally focus our consciousness on positive events.

The three good things method serves as a practice for turning your awareness to positive events. Once you make a habit out of it, you’ll acquire a strong mentality that’s resilient to stress.

Throw Away the Negative; Turn to the Positive

Practicing the ‘three good things’ method creates the potential to improve our sense of happiness and resilience towards stress. It’s perfect for people who want to build strong mentalities against stress.

Having coping mechanisms on hand, such as the ‘three good things’ method, keeps our mental health in check. This is just one of the many easy stress-care techniques you can try. Figure out what works for you and get into the habit of practicing. One of the keys to living a healthy and happy life is to properly cope with stress.

Image：Unsplash
Reference：
Jeffrey J. Froh , William J. Sefick , Robert A. Emmons

「Counting blessings in early adolescents: An experimental study of gratitude and subjective well-being」

（Nat Hum Behav. 2017 May; 1(5): 0093）

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What is the Mental Subtraction Strategy?

The Mental Subtraction strategy is a simple self care practice when you’re looking for a way to reduce stress. You imagine a positive memory, something happy or fun that you experienced, and imagine that it never happened. This helps your positive memories stand out.

The positive memory can be anything from a little happy incident to a life-changing event. If you still can’t think of anything, it can be something as basic as being alive. Here are some simple examples:

• I passed the test.
• I found a dollar on the ground.
• I’m in a new budding relationship.
• The weather was great today.

Take notice of the small happiness that occurred in your life and imagine it never happened. Repeating this exercise for 3~5 minutes a day, over the course of 2 weeks, becomes effective in stress relief. Give it a try by first starting at 3 minutes a day for self care and to reduce your daily stress levels.

The Pain of Loss Feels Greater Than Our Gains

The Mental Subtraction strategy is effective because humans are more affected by the pain of losing something over the happiness of gaining something. Experts call this the “Loss Aversion Bias”. It’s pretty much similar to the sunk cost fallacy. As an example, when we have the options of a 90% chance of receiving $10, or a 100% chance of receiving $9, people tend to chose the latter. Both have almost the same expected value, but humans naturally want to avoid the 10% possibility of loss.

The idea behind the Mental Subtraction strategy follows this same logic. We imagine a positive event from the past, and by pretending it never happened, we feel a strong sense of sadness for its loss. This helps us recognize the importance of this positive event, creating a sense of gratitude towards the memory.

An experiment with students at the University of Virginia found that many of the subjects who practiced the Mental Subtraction strategy became more resilient to stress, and continued to maintain a positive mood even a month after the study. Although it can be difficult to get used to, the Mental Subtraction strategy can be a meaningful method of self care to relieve and reduce stress for people whose negative moods tend to linger.

Coping Strategies to Reduce Stress

The Mental Subtraction strategy can be practiced without any special tools, so you can try it out anytime, anywhere. Give it a try the next time you feel a little down or find yourself in a negative mood.

The key to taking care of stress quickly is to have some form of self care or stress relief method on hand. Having a coping mechanism on hand, such as the Mental Subtraction strategy, keeps our mental health in check. This is just one of the many easy stress-care techniques you can try in caring for yourself. Figure out what works for you and get into the habit of practicing. One of the keys to living a healthy and happy life is to properly cope with stress, and finding effective ways to reduce stress.

→ Looking to improve your mental health? Try the SELFMIND app FREE for 1 week!
If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!

Image：Unsplash
Reference：
Minkyung Koo, Sara B. Algoe, Timothy D. Wilson, and Daniel T. Gilbert
「It’s a Wonderful Life: Mentally Subtracting Positive Events Improves People’s Affective States, Contrary to Their Affective Forecasts」

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All You Need is a Pen and Paper

The Negativity Trash Can”, as in the name, means to “throw away your negativity into the trash.” In practice, you write down negative or troubling thoughts onto a piece of paper and rip it to shreds before tossing it in the trash. It is that simple. Writing out your negative thoughts only requires 2 or 3 minutes. It can be as simple as a single sentence, or a whole paragraph, but the important thing is to write down your current emotions directly as they are. The paper you use can be a piece of notebook paper, a sticky note, or even the back of a scrap paper. It’s an easy stress-relief method that can be done anytime, anywhere, whether you’re at home, at work, or at a cafe.

Build Stress Tolerance with Practice

The negativity trash can was proven effective through a study held in 2012 at a university in Spain. When we write down a hazy thought on paper, that act is called “thought materialization.” This action convinces your brain that your stress has become a material object. Throwing away our materialized “stress” in the trash can will help eliminate stress, leaving our minds lighter from the mental load.

However, just practicing this won’t actually get rid of our negativity completely. In fact, the thoughts might still linger in our minds. Still, our brain will remember the fact that we threw it away, and the repeated process of this exercise will slowly negate our negativity. This repeated deception to our brain will also help improve our stress tolerance at the same time.

Throw Away the Negative, Embrace the Positive

Next time you’re feeling a little negative, try the Negativity Trash Can method. It’s easy and very effective!

Having a coping mechanism on hand, such as the Negativity Trash Can method, keeps our mental health in check. This is just one of the many easy stress-care techniques you can try. Figure out what works for you and get into the habit of practicing. One of the keys to living a healthy and happy life is to properly cope with stress.

image：Unsplash
Reference：

Briñol, P., Gascó, M., Petty, R. E., & Horcajo, J. (2012). Treating Thoughts as Material Objects Can Increase or Decrease Their Impact on Evaluation. Psychological Science, 24(1), 41-47. doi:10.1177/0956797612449176

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