What Does It Mean to Be Mentally Strong or Weak?

・No One Is Mentally Strong to Begin With

First of all, what does it mean to be mentally “strong” or “weak”?

Mental strength isn’t a given strength people have. It’s more about how good you are at navigating through emotions when a negative incident occurs.

For example, lets’ say a man was given the opportunity to do a presentation at his company. Over a few days, he gathers information, creates the necessary files for it, and presents everything at the end. However, the boss responds with very critical feedback. How does this man react to that critical feedback?

Scenario 1: Let me incorporate what he said and try again

Scenario 2: I’m not going to care about it too much

Scenario 3: I tried so hard, yet all I got was a critical opinion on it

Scenario 1 is a response from someone who is positive that tries to grow towards their next opportunity. Scenario 1 is the most ideal way to navigate your emotions. Instead of facing away from the problem, they improve their skills so that they can prepare and build their mental tolerance towards the issue.

At a quick glance, the scenario 2 response seems like a response from someone who is mentally strong. However, this does not consider fixing the situation to prepare for future possibilities. This response is effective in brushing off malicious and offensive acts carried out towards a person. It is important to assess how important the situation is before you choose this option

The most problematic is scenario 3. A negative response to feedback only grows negative emotions within that leads to a loss of self-esteem. This is spotted in people that are always too serious or are perfectionists. When they can’t achieve their ideal goals, they tend to self-sabotage.

・It’s Important to Shift Your Thoughts

When there’s an inconvenient event that happens, we feel unpleasant. After the unpleasant feelings, it turns into negative emotions of frustration or anxiety. This shift from unpleasant to negative emotion is part of how the brain reacts and we cannot change this mechanism.

Most people who are mentally vulnerable tend to be affected by these negative emotions that arise. Eventually, they feel trapped in a negative cell from the illusion that they’ve created.

People who are considered mentally strong are capable of shifting their thinking more positively before they get affected by these negative emotions.

This thought shift is a vital skill. If we use the example from above in the case of the presentation getting critical feedback from the boss, you can shift your thinking into the positive by focusing on your potential growth from this experience.

5 Mental Strength Training Methods to Try Now

Just like muscle strength or endurance training, we can build out our mental strength so that we become more tolerant of adversities. Below, we introduce the 5 training methods we recommend for you to try.

Method 1: Self-Reflect Through Self-Talk

By changing the pronouns while you talk to yourself, you can create a second-person dialogue. This allows you to see your situation from a distance so that you can see things more clearly and objectively.

You can specifically shift the dialogue by using first-person, second-person, and third-person pronouns. Below are examples if we continue the scenario of presenting and receiving critical feedback from the boss.

・First-Person
“I’m super nervous. I’ve perpared well, but I wonder if everyone will understand.”

・Second-Person
“Hey, you don’t have to feel so nervous. You’ve prepared well, so all you have to do is present with confidence.”

・Third-Person
“He doesn’t have to feel that nervous. He prepared well. I’m sure people will understand if he presents with confidence.”

As you can see, talking to yourself as if you were another person creates the necessary distance to gain clarity.

Method 2: Mindfulness Meditation

Mindfulness is a way of thinking that enhances the experience of the present “now.” Mindfulness meditation is applied in cognitive behavioral therapy within the mental health field.

It focuses on subtle sensory signs of the body, such as how it feels when a single bean is placed on the palm of your hand. The focus on these subtle actions helps steer our thoughts away from negativity. Once we displace ourselves from a position of stress, we can recognize new aspects that lead to solving the problem itself.

1. Sit with a straight back
2. Close your eyes and feel your breath
3. If your thoughts start to wander, bring back the attention to the breath

These 3 points are all you need to practice mindfulness meditation. Start from 3 to 5 minutes of practice and then expand to 10 minutes or 15 minutes as you go.

Method 3: Think Like a Fly on the Wall

The Fly On The Wall method is a great way to gain objectivity. As the word spells it out, you act as if you’re a fly on the wall as if you could understand the situation with a bird’s-eye view.

This method is test proven through an experiment at Ohio University and known to be effective as a stress care method. Similar to mindfulness meditation, it requires no tool.

The most important technique in this is to create an external view of what’s happening to yourself.

You’ll be affected less by negative emotions once you learn how to separate your emotions and actual reality. You don’t have to be a fly. It could be another bug, a cloud, a light pole. By continuing this practice, you train your mind to constantly take an objective perspective and this helps cool down anger when it arises.

Method 4: Organize Your Thoughts on a Piece of Paper

If a negative incident is straining your thoughts, try writing it all out on a piece of paper.

The content should be based on what happened and how you felt.

• I got into a fight with a friend – Unhappy
• I had to go to work on a day off – Sad
• I got stuck in traffic – Frustrating

When we write out how we feel on a piece of paper, the visualization of our feelings helps organize our thoughts. The understanding of why we feel unhappy or frustrated will give us the opportunity to recognize our biases and negative beliefs.

Negativity is contagious so it’s easy to roll down the negative spiral once you’re in it. Write out all your feelings and organize your thoughts. See if you can capture things in a more positive light.

Method 5: Learn How to Build Automatic Positivity

Mental weakness comes from us reacting negatively to incidents. This is called “automatic thinking,” and when our automatic thoughts are steered negatively it can trigger a state of depression.

However, this tendency can be fixed through training by continually focusing on the 3 points below:

1. Reflect on your past success
2. Think positive thoughts if you ever feel yourself getting negative
3. Think of the influences that positive memories bring

First, recall a positive success memory. It can be anything from receiving a compliment or a good score on a test. Think of what elements produced the results and try to unravel the secrets to your success and failures. Continually recalling your success will automatically kick your thoughts into positive gear.

It’s also helpful to recall how you’ve overcome failure. If you ever feel negative, remember the moment you grew from your failures. Perhaps it’s now a great story to tell or you recognize how important someone was to you. Try to understand the past as a positive event that made you who you are today.

If your friends encouraged you through failures, you can take it that you have great friends. If you’re able to make it into a great story from the past, perhaps you have the whit to do so. Sprinkle these positive aspects into your mind and this will help create an automated process towards positive thinking.

Strengthen The Mind and Body Through Mental Training

We talked about strengthening our mental tolerance through training, but weakness has its benefits too.

If you tend to be sensitive to small incidents, another way to see it is that you are expressive and have a strong sensibility. If you feel anxiety and pressure, it could mean that you feel more responsible than others.

If you feel that you’re mentally weak and need the training to build mental tolerance, just make sure that you don’t lose the great aspects that you already have. We hope you keep your unique greatness as an individual while building out parts that need support for a more enjoyable life!

Nowadays, an AI can help you on your mental journey without any restrictions on time schedule, or location. The more you interact, the more adequate advice it can give. It’s an affordable alternative counseling method with a free trial period. Give it a try!
→SELF MIND

Reference：

【World Health Organization】

【BlueCross BlueShield THE HEALTH OF AMERICA】

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Common Arguments Between Couples

Cooperation and empathetic communication are vital in a loving and lasting relationship. Frustration can build up when one feels like the other is lacking in the conscious efforts of these elements.

Uneven Household Chores

Uneven understandings of cleanliness and chores are easy sources for frustration. If one spends the day at a demanding job only to come back to a partner lazily lounging in a messy house, understandably, it can result in unpleasant feelings. Household chores don’t only imply the physical necessities. Emotional labor can be a huge component as well.

Disagreements

When one has too much pride to accept differences or doesn’t know how to handle disagreements, it becomes a problem. The will to communicate decreases in a partner if they feel like they’re never heard.

Not Keeping Promises

Tensions can build up when promises are broken. If one promises to handle a certain task and doesn’t follow through, the other can feel overwhelmed with more on their list to handle. We all hold hope in promises made. Thus, we also feel very disappointed when promises are broken for selfish or uncommunicated reasons.

4 Things to Try When You Feel Frustrated

A big portion of our frustrations happens when our message isn’t conveyed properly. Sure, we can blame communication skills, but presuming that you’ve already established a certain kind of dynamic in how you argue throughout the years, it’s not easy to create immediate change.

Here are 4 suggestions that can help when you’re feeling frustrated with your partner.

Create Space for Alone Time

Once we’re upset with our partner, even the sight of them can set us off. To avoid that, spend some alone time to cool off. There’s no need to live separate lives for this, just take a few hours off to reflect and recharge your positive energies.

A few minutes of internal positive conversations can help us cope with stressful situations. Try to hold conversations with yourself in a second-person perspective while giving yourself genuine advice. This method helps people regain an objective view of their stress.

We go into more details on how to do this in another post if you’re interested.

Tell Them How You Feel

Speak with your partner about how you feel. Your partner isn’t intentionally trying to make you unhappy. Oftentimes, they may not realize that you’re even frustrated. Talk to them directly. It will help them understand that there are concerns.

Let’s also be mindful of the tone when we speak to our partners. If you’re frustrated with them for never putting their dirty clothes in the laundry basket, don’t tell them to, “stop it.” Instead, tell them that you would appreciate it if they could put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket, or in fact, how happy it makes you feel when they do. Choose your wording wisely so that they can understand how their action impacts your emotions.

Take A Break for Hobbies

Stress-relieving methods are important in lasting relationships. We recommend you find a hobby you really enjoy. When we focus on hobbies, we can turn our negative energies into positive ones.

In recent years, many couples choose to both work rather than hold traditional roles. If you are both working and busy, try to choose a hobby that allows for participation anytime, anywhere, and in small increments. This way the hobby doesn’t get in the way of the quality time you spend together with your partner.

Physical activities like dancing can provide both stress relief and better physical health. We go into more details in our past post about dancing and stress relief.

Share Your Feelings With Others

Simply, sharing feelings with a third person helps with stress. One university study found that 80% of the negative feelings we shared were “anger.” This means many of us already feel frustrated about something and tend to relieve it through sharing.

We feel lighter and gain helpful perspectives when we share our problems with our local community, offices, friends, or family. People with similar experiences can share their solutions and stories. Once we feel heard and well advised, we can head home with a better outlook.

If you feel hesitant talking about your problems to someone you know, you can also try talking to an AI chatbot. SELF MIND is an AI app developed to assist anyone through their life struggles.

Can an AI app provide mental support? Try the SELF MIND app for a FREE trial!
If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!

Maintaining A Healthy Romantic Relationship

No matter how close partners are, small indifferences and arguments can still happen. Instead of bottling your feelings inside, it’s important to have stress outlets so that you can cool off and come back feeling calm and collected. Once couples can communicate effectively through objective conversations, they can work on figuring out and working towards a solution together. Couples that can work through their problems may find their bonds grow stronger as well.

Reference：

Kawase, T. (2000). Why People Talk About Their Emotion? Miyazaki University Humanities Departmental Bulletin Paper, 7(1), 135–149. http://id.nii.ac.jp/1143/00000652/

Cascio, C. N., O’Donnell, M. B., Tinney, F. J., Lieberman, M. D., Taylor, S. E., Strecher, V. J., & Falk, E. B. (2015). Self-affirmation activates brain systems associated with self-related processing and reward and is reinforced by future orientation. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 11(4), 621–629. https://doi.org/10.1093/scan/nsv136

Okada, N., Nakata, A., Nagano, M., Sakai, K., Takai, K., Kodama, H., & Kobayashi, T. (2018). Stressors and the Sense of Coherence Related to the Mental Health of Nurses Assuming the Roles of Wives and/or Mothers – Investigation into the Effects of Leaving Jobs Because of Marriage, Childbirth, and Childrearing. Journal of UOEH, 40(1), 53–63. https://www.jstage.jst.go.jp/article/juoeh/40/1/40_53/_pdf/-char/ja

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Talk to yourself. Does that sound like what old people do? We all do it in some form whether we are aware or not. For instance, you may have heard your inner voice reassure, “It’ll be okay”. At other times, asking criticizing questions like, “How did I screw this up?” Self-talking is a habitual and natural inner dialogue that we all have. If you don’t recall, these self-talks may be happening unconsciously for you. Moreover, the inner voice usually helps us plan, motivate, problem-solve, practice critical thinking, and reflect. Talking to ourselves can also help us find healthy ways to relieve stress.

For many of us, the self-talk persona is directly tied to our self-worth image. Furthermore, self-dialogues are typiclly shaped by how the surrounding people talked to us as we grew up. What have you said to yourself recently? Moreover, was the voice positive and encouraging, or was it full of self-criticism? Learning how to control our internal conversations can have a positive effect on our mental well-being and stress coping capabilities. Therefore, the next time you talk to yourself, try to listen to the intentions of your internal voice

Positive & Negative Ways to Talk to Yourself

Negative Self-Talk

An increase in negative self-talk allows the development of self-doubt and poor self-perception. This refers to negative or harmful intent behind the languag you use when you talk to yourself. Negative self-talk leads to higher stress, anxiety, depression, and shame. In addition, research indicates that self‐criticism is related to stress‐induced changes in our biochemistry.

If the tendency of self-criticism is already a habit, it can be hard to catch. In this case, observations of our internal dialogues can identify where the negative traps are. Some environments or people may be making you vulnerable to negative self-talk. Being aware of situations prone to stimulate negativity can help us navigate better, prepare, and avoid them altogether. Another good method is to recognize, stop, and evaluate how you talk to yourself in times of stress. If we feel entangled within our own negative thoughts, we can instead focus on how to rephrase our experience in a neutral or positive light. Changing the way we think may take some time, but with practice, we can re-wire our brains to steer away from toxic internal conversations. Moreover, this is essential in finding healthy and appropriate ways to relieve stress.

Positive Self-Talk

An increase in positive self-talk enhances our motivation, performance, and general well-being. This refers to positive and helpful intent behind the language you use when you talk to yourself. An optimistic and encouraging perspective leads to better mental skills for problem-solving, out-of-the-box thinking, and coping skills for hardships or challenges. In addition, it can relieve the harmful effects of stress and anxiety.

A study on the impact of self-talk affirms the important habit of restating negative statements into positive ones. Scientists say that consciously feeding our minds with positive empowering self-talk is a crucial skill that changes our perspectives and attitudes towards ourselves and others. This is why many self-help advisors suggest using daily positive affirmations. Therefore, try to increase the frequency and volume of encouraging internal dialogues through self-talk. Hanging out with positive people can also help. This is because the people we surround ourselves with can have a huge impact on the language we tend to use. See how you can reframe a negative comment into a more encouraging one. In the end, the best pep-squad for you is YOU!

‘How’ You Talk to Yourself Matters

A Constructive Second-Person Dialogue

Some of us may find that forced positivity onto our inner thoughts can be uncomfortable. People who identify themselves as ‘realists’ may have difficulties turning a blind eye to the negative while covering it with positive self-talk. In other words, when you talk to yourself, it’s not as simple as drowing yourself in positive rhetoric. The good news is that there are more constructive and effective ways to relieve stress.

In 2014, a research team at Michigan University examined the different ways people held their internal conversations and how it affected them. Researchers asked participants to prepare for a public speech, and then divided them into different groups. Each group was given instructions to perform self-talk using different pronouns as they prepared. The results revealed that the pronouns and language mattered more so than whether the conversation was negative or positive. Above all, the group that used second-person pronouns performed the best; feeling less regret, shame, or stress after their speech. These results help us understand that small shifts in pronoun use towards ourselves influence our ability to regulate feelings, thoughts, and behaviors, even under social stress. In other words, when you talk to yourself, try to use second-person pronouns!

Pronouns Matter When You Talk to Yourself

To give a comparative, here are examples of a first, second, and third-person perspective. Try reading these sentences out loud as if to talk to yourself, and feel the difference.

First-person conversation:
A. “I should prepare for my exams. Why haven’t I started?”
B. “I am not nervous. I am going to talk slowly so people understand me.”

Second-person conversation:
A. “You should prepare for your exams. Why haven’t you started yet?
B. “Don’t be nervous. You should talk slowly so that people understand you.”

Third-person conversation:
A. “(Your Name) should prepare for his/her exams. Why hasn’t he/she started yet?
B. “(Your Name) shouldn’t feel nervous. (Your Name) should talk slowly so that people understand him/her.”

A first-person question like “Why haven’t I started?” can sound like self-criticism. On the other hand, a second-person perspective can create a friendly distance when you talk to yourself. Subsequently, the third-person pronoun may feel more distant where the closeness fades away. Therefore, according to science, introspections in the second-person creates the perfect distance between our internal voice and issues.

Self-Distance When You Talk to Yourself

When we are self-immersed in situations, we tend to use first-person pronouns. Switching-up pronouns can be effective in creating a “self-distance” when you talk to yourself. Self-distancing is the ability to critically reflect on ourselves from an external perspective. In addition, this naturally tends to follow the languages of a second or third-person pronoun. When we talk in third-person, our brain behaves the same as if we were talking to another person.

Why is internal self-distancing an important skill to our mental health? First, it can assist us to better regulate anxieties under stress, as well as objectively find healthy ways to relieve stress. Second, it helps us appraise potential social stressors as less threatening and more so a healthy challenge to take on. Third, it strengthens us to preserve self-control in stressful situations, also helping us to perform better.

Self-Distancing in Practice

Here is how to create self-distance when you talk to yourself:

• Use second-person pronouns to assure that you are not self-immersed.
• Offer reassurance and encouragement, the same as you would do for a friend who’s struggling.
• Acknowledge your emotions. Instead of dismissing it, see if you could give constructive and compassionate advice.
• Visualize the goal. Detach yourself from the current moment and concentrate on making a plan to achieve results.
• Journal. Writing things on paper can create the necessary emotional distance for more objective perspectives.

Self-distancing through visual imagery can also be useful, but a lot of times it requires environments where we can concentrate on our imaginations. Talking to ourselves through an internal dialogue is much easier to do even while we are carrying difficult tasks. This is why using second-person pronouns when you talk to yourself is one of the best ways to relieve stress.

Talk to Yourself as a Mental Health Check-In

Practicing our skills in self-talk is a great way to regulate our mental health. After all, our own voice what we will be hearing most repeatedly throughout life. Furthermore, it’s something we can start immediately without external help and feel instant results of encouragement. Therefore, try to talk to yourself regularly and check in on your own emotions and feelings. This could help regulate and maintain a healthy mind, as well as finding appropriate ways to relieve stress as necessary. Do you talk to yourself in a way that excels you or harms you? Give yourself a chance to be the best support possible!

→ Looking to improve your mental health? Try the SELF MIND app FREE for 1 week!
If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!

Image: Unsplash

References:

Cascio, C. N., O’Donnell, M. B., Tinney, F. J., Lieberman, M. D., Taylor, S. E., Strecher, V. J., & Falk, E. B. (2015). Self-affirmation activates brain systems associated with self-related processing and reward and is reinforced by future orientation. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 11(4), 621–629. https://doi.org/10.1093/scan/nsv136


Chopra, K. (2012). Impact of positive self-talk. University of Lethbridge Research Repository. https://hdl.handle.net/10133/3202


Gruen, R. J., Silva, R., Ehrlich, J., Schweitzer, J. W., & Friedhoff, A. J. (1997). Vulnerability to Stress: Self-Criticism and Stress-Induced Changes In Biochemistry. Journal of Personality, 65(1), 33–47. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-6494.1997.tb00528.x


Holland, K. (2018, October 17). Positive Self-Talk: How Talking to Yourself Is a Good Thing. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/positive-self-talk


Kross, E., Bruehlman-Senecal, E., Park, J., Burson, A., Dougherty, A., Shablack, H., Bremner, R., Moser, J., & Ayduk, O. (2014). Self-talk as a regulatory mechanism: How you do it matters. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 106(2), 304–324. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0035173


Rawlings, R. (2019, May 7). The Connection Between Self-Talk and Wellbeing – Mind Cafe. Medium. https://medium.com/mind-cafe/what-self-talk-has-to-say-about-mental-health-d87a22ca0848

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