Common Arguments Between Couples

Cooperation and empathetic communication are vital in a loving and lasting relationship. Frustration can build up when one feels like the other is lacking in the conscious efforts of these elements.

Uneven Household Chores

Uneven understandings of cleanliness and chores are easy sources for frustration. If one spends the day at a demanding job only to come back to a partner lazily lounging in a messy house, understandably, it can result in unpleasant feelings. Household chores don’t only imply the physical necessities. Emotional labor can be a huge component as well.

Disagreements

When one has too much pride to accept differences or doesn’t know how to handle disagreements, it becomes a problem. The will to communicate decreases in a partner if they feel like they’re never heard.

Not Keeping Promises

Tensions can build up when promises are broken. If one promises to handle a certain task and doesn’t follow through, the other can feel overwhelmed with more on their list to handle. We all hold hope in promises made. Thus, we also feel very disappointed when promises are broken for selfish or uncommunicated reasons.

4 Things to Try When You Feel Frustrated

A big portion of our frustrations happens when our message isn’t conveyed properly. Sure, we can blame communication skills, but presuming that you’ve already established a certain kind of dynamic in how you argue throughout the years, it’s not easy to create immediate change.

Here are 4 suggestions that can help when you’re feeling frustrated with your partner.

Create Space for Alone Time

Once we’re upset with our partner, even the sight of them can set us off. To avoid that, spend some alone time to cool off. There’s no need to live separate lives for this, just take a few hours off to reflect and recharge your positive energies.

A few minutes of internal positive conversations can help us cope with stressful situations. Try to hold conversations with yourself in a second-person perspective while giving yourself genuine advice. This method helps people regain an objective view of their stress.

We go into more details on how to do this in another post if you’re interested.

Tell Them How You Feel

Speak with your partner about how you feel. Your partner isn’t intentionally trying to make you unhappy. Oftentimes, they may not realize that you’re even frustrated. Talk to them directly. It will help them understand that there are concerns.

Let’s also be mindful of the tone when we speak to our partners. If you’re frustrated with them for never putting their dirty clothes in the laundry basket, don’t tell them to, “stop it.” Instead, tell them that you would appreciate it if they could put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket, or in fact, how happy it makes you feel when they do. Choose your wording wisely so that they can understand how their action impacts your emotions.

Take A Break for Hobbies

Stress-relieving methods are important in lasting relationships. We recommend you find a hobby you really enjoy. When we focus on hobbies, we can turn our negative energies into positive ones.

In recent years, many couples choose to both work rather than hold traditional roles. If you are both working and busy, try to choose a hobby that allows for participation anytime, anywhere, and in small increments. This way the hobby doesn’t get in the way of the quality time you spend together with your partner.

Physical activities like dancing can provide both stress relief and better physical health. We go into more details in our past post about dancing and stress relief.

Share Your Feelings With Others

Simply, sharing feelings with a third person helps with stress. One university study found that 80% of the negative feelings we shared were “anger.” This means many of us already feel frustrated about something and tend to relieve it through sharing.

We feel lighter and gain helpful perspectives when we share our problems with our local community, offices, friends, or family. People with similar experiences can share their solutions and stories. Once we feel heard and well advised, we can head home with a better outlook.

If you feel hesitant talking about your problems to someone you know, you can also try talking to an AI chatbot. SELF MIND is an AI app developed to assist anyone through their life struggles.

Can an AI app provide mental support? Try the SELF MIND app for a FREE trial!
If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!

Maintaining A Healthy Romantic Relationship

No matter how close partners are, small indifferences and arguments can still happen. Instead of bottling your feelings inside, it’s important to have stress outlets so that you can cool off and come back feeling calm and collected. Once couples can communicate effectively through objective conversations, they can work on figuring out and working towards a solution together. Couples that can work through their problems may find their bonds grow stronger as well.

Reference：

Kawase, T. (2000). Why People Talk About Their Emotion? Miyazaki University Humanities Departmental Bulletin Paper, 7(1), 135–149. http://id.nii.ac.jp/1143/00000652/

Cascio, C. N., O’Donnell, M. B., Tinney, F. J., Lieberman, M. D., Taylor, S. E., Strecher, V. J., & Falk, E. B. (2015). Self-affirmation activates brain systems associated with self-related processing and reward and is reinforced by future orientation. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 11(4), 621–629. https://doi.org/10.1093/scan/nsv136

Okada, N., Nakata, A., Nagano, M., Sakai, K., Takai, K., Kodama, H., & Kobayashi, T. (2018). Stressors and the Sense of Coherence Related to the Mental Health of Nurses Assuming the Roles of Wives and/or Mothers – Investigation into the Effects of Leaving Jobs Because of Marriage, Childbirth, and Childrearing. Journal of UOEH, 40(1), 53–63. https://www.jstage.jst.go.jp/article/juoeh/40/1/40_53/_pdf/-char/ja

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Why Do Some Mom Friendships Feel Stressful?

If you’re feeling stress or anxiety, it’s important that you identify the root cause of it. In this post, we will look at a university study case where they looked into the reasons why people feel stress or anxiety from mom friendships.

A Tendency to Focus On Rumors and Negativity

The social circles of a mom can be relatively small, and rumors can easily get around. Stay-at-home moms can already feel pretty restricted when they’re mostly tied down taking care of family necessities. This creates an environment where stress can easily fester. Mom friendships allow for moms to relate to each other’s stress where they can vent about their daily stress whether it be about family dynamics or parenting.

Of course, there is no problem if you don’t mind listening to gossip and venting about personal problems. However, a university study shows that most people feel stress from these topics.

There are people that like to go around detailing the issues of another person’s household. This creates the fear that you might be targeted one day as a focus for gossip, causing a lot of underlying stress.

Disagreeing With Personal Values and Parenting Styles

You won’t always 100% agree with other parenting styles. You may feel the urge to distance from other parents that can’t or won’t discipline their children, have bad morals, or are too strict. For example, if a parent never disciplines their child, you may fear the influence this may have over your own child, who will observe the behavior. There is also the concern of being grouped in as the “same” with parents that you don’t agree with.

Feeling a Divide Because of Financial Differences

You may feel anxiety from financial differences within a group of moms. It could be from a casual conversation, a birthday party, what school they could afford for their child to attend, or simply just what they wear. Financial differences can cause a feeling of insignificance or general anxiety for what the future holds.

Some moms may have difficulty feeling connected with other moms that are too different in financial values.

How to Deal With Stressful Mom Relationships

Once you’ve established a relationship and social circle, it can be hard to cut ties. Try the following ways to see if you can lighten the stress.

1. Keep A Healthy Distance

If you’re involved in a mom group, cutting ties from the group without warning may not be the best idea. It may make things difficult if a group of moms deems you “unfit for social interactions,” or if you’re in a small community, it can lead to bad rumors and other troubles.

If there are moms that you don’t get along with, we recommend that you create a healthy enough distance by taking note of the points below:

・Always say “Hi”
・If a mom that you dislike talks to you, give a few light friendly responses and then leave
・Don’t agree or disagree with the rumors they spread
・Try not to share anything about your private struggles

2. Find a Hobby to Focus On

Indulging in hobbies has 2 beneficial aspects.

First, you can temporarily escape from the situation that is posing stress. Most of us have experienced situations where we feel gloomy all day from an incident that happened early in the day. Hobbies allow for our attention to steer away from the stress and focus on something that is beneficial for our minds.

Secondly, hobbies create room for new relationships and communities. Let’s say you took walking as a hobby. You may find people who walk the same path every day as you do and become friends with them. A community besides a local mom group will allow room for you to speak your mind freely and gain different perspectives on what they think of your situation.

If you’re a mom with a tight schedule, we recommend simple exercises and reading, something you can work on indoors or outdoors alone. If you’re feeling constrained within a mom group community, you should try indulging in hobbies.

3. Write Down What Stresses You Out

We recommend that you write down your feelings on a piece of paper before you go and vent to other moms and potentially start unwanted rumors.

A Spanish University conducted an experiment and came up with a method called the “Negativity Trash Can.” You write out what you’re feeling onto a piece of paper and then tear it away into the trash. It seems like a menial act but it can reduce stress instantly without any external help.

The Negativity Trash Can method details can be found at the link below.

If you want to share your thoughts, an AI can hear you without any restrictions on time schedule, or location. It’s an affordable alternative counseling method with a free trial period. Give it a try!
→SELF MIND

Stay Smart in the Way You Handle Mom Friendships

Many mothers that have a hard time socializing with mom groups all struggle through similar stress. We hope that you try some of the tips on this post and find a stress-reducing method that works best for you so that you can create healthy relationships with other moms.

Reference:

Nakayama, M., & Ikeda, Y. (2014). The Relationship between Interpersonal Conflicts and Personality Traits in Friendship between Mothers Rearing Little Children. The Japanese Journal of Personality, 22(3), 285–288. https://doi.org/10.2132/personality.22.285

The post 3 Ways to Deal With Stressful Friendships Between Moms appeared first on SELF MIND.

The Struggles of A Parent Today

In general, children from elementary to high school are subjected to various stressors as they confront rapid changes in themselves and their environment. This includes developing their own personality, a rebellious stage, developing secondary sexual characteristics, expanding social engagements, and school work. Simultaneously, more people in their 30s and 40s are marrying and having children later in their lives. This can result in a great deal of stress when it requires them to juggle raising children and caring for their aging parents. The 30s and 40s parents are also at their prime working-age, holding many responsibilities at work. This means there’s an increase in parents who feel more stressed from both work and home.

These stressful environments can influence family dynamics. Once a family relationship becomes strained due to stressors, it can lead to various problems such as child neglect, abandonment, or even domestic violence. Each family dynamic is different. There are no absolute cookie-cutter solutions in building or maintaining an excellent parent-child relationship. Although recently, mindfulness is gaining attention for its effectiveness in reducing parenting stress and building healthy parent-child relationships. Let us introduce how mindfulness and parenting can go hand in hand.

What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is a concept based on the Buddhist teaching of focusing on the present moment. It’s been widely adopted in the world of psychiatry and business in recent years. The actual technique is called “mindfulness meditation,” a meditation that aims to achieve a constant state of calmness.

In mindfulness, the value lies in “accepting the current state without evaluation or judgment.” This is difficult in practice when it comes to relationships. When someone’s behavior is not in our favor, we subconsciously judge them as “selfish” or “incompatible.” We have a natural tendency to judge others on our personal scale of good or bad. Mindfulness training builds the mental capacity to concentrate on the present moment, allowing a focus on our own feelings instead of judgment towards others. This technique can help us at times a relationship feels stressful and out of our control.

Mindfulness in Parenting

Mindfulness practice is relevant when it comes to parenting. Research report several benefits of mindfulness-based parenting and their effectiveness in improving family relationships.

Parents that focus on their child’s “present” state and behavior can accurately catch small signs, subtle changes in behavior, and even decipher an infant’s words. It also reduces the stress a parent feels when their child’s behavior doesn’t align with their own childhood expectations. The acceptance of the child as who they are, without imposed value judgments, creates a better understanding of the child’s characteristics (personality and abilities) without excessive or unattainable expectations. Accurately perceiving and responding to the child’s needs and emotions reduces the chance of stress we feel from a child’s unexpected behaviors. This also increases self-efficacy (the belief in one’s capabilities to organize and execute the courses of action required to manage situations) in a parent.

Easy Mindfulness Practice for Parents

Even when we understand mindfulness as an effective tool, it can still be a challenge to practice every day. The basics of mindfulness starts with meditation. The word “meditation” has us imagine a setting where we sit in silence with our eyes closed, mind empty. For many, this is a tall order when they’re not too familiar with meditation. The onslaught of first-time experiences also makes it difficult for child-rearing parents to maintain an adequate amount of time for themselves. Moreso if the parent has to balance between work, family, and caring for their elders. Time becomes extremely finite, making it increasingly difficult to meditate.

A common misconception about meditation is that we need time and space to do so, but sitting down and closing our eyes only helps induce a meditative state. What’s more important in mindfulness is to actively control one’s attention. In fact, there are some practices adopted by research and clinical practice that can be more easily incorporated into our daily lives.

Below are some of the easiest ways to practice daily mindfulness.

1. Walking Meditation

Applicable Time: During a daily walk or commute.

How: This meditation technique draws full attention to the action of walking. Stay relaxed and breathe naturally. Begin walking at a slow and deliberate pace. Pay full attention to sensations in the heels and toes leaving the ground, movements of the thigh and calf muscles, and the center shifts in gravity. Pay close attention to the physical conditions and changes that occur within the mundane act of walking. 

Additional Tips: Many thoughts may come up while walking, but don’t try to force clearing the mind. Instead, acknowledge the thought and let it go by returning focus to the steps. Walking meditation is a technique that focuses on deliberate walking, so be sure to do it in a safe place where there’s no concern about traffic accidents.

2. Body Scan

Applicable Time: During work or in between housework.

How: A body scan is done by drawing attention to every detail of the body, from the top of the head to the bottom of the toes. It can be done standing or sitting. Try slow, natural breathing to enhance focus as it’s brought to each part of the body starting at the top downwards- the head, the forehead, the ears, … and so on. 

Additional Tips: Understanding the natural state of your body will help you detect any changes or discomforts—for example, an itchy head or slightly tense shoulders.

3. Mindful Cooking & Eating

Applicable Time: While cooking or eating meals.

How: Cooking and eating is a mindless act we do every day that stimulates various senses. Mindfulness promotes the focus on these five senses, and cooking is a suited process for perceiving the multiple sensations. For example, while cutting a raw carrot with a knife, notice the crunchy texture, the chopping sound as the knife hits the cutting board, or the vivid orange colors cut into various shapes. A recipe can go through changes in smell and texture as the food gets cooked. After the food is prepared, pay careful attention to each bite as you chew the food -the looks, smell, the texture in the mouth. The entire process from preparing to eating can become a meditational practice if we act mindfully through each step.

Additional Tips: Through the entire process, there will be times where we’ll find ourselves distracted. If so, don’t suppress the thoughts. Instead, acknowledge the thoughts and bring the attention back to the present moment. It may seem difficult at first, but daily practice will help achieve a natural control over our state of consciousness no matter what situation we face.

Cherishing the NOW Through Mindful Parenting

A growing child continuously faces new experiences every day. The same goes for a parent too, many things occur throughout a child’s life that is new. Even for an experienced parent of several children, each child is unique. The social environment surrounding the parent and child also changes daily. Not every situation replicates a past experience 100%. New experiences can make us feel anxious and nervous, causing stress to slowly grow.

Under stress, we rely on our past experiences and place high hopes for a brighter future. However, parents should be careful not to evaluate their child using judgments based on past experiences or high expectations for the future. This can lead to frustration and anxiety when things don’t go as planned. As a result, both the parent and child will feel overwhelmed and stressed. Objectively, judgments based on past experiences never guarantee desired results for what’s happening now, just as much as high efforts towards the future doesn’t always ensure success.

We all have different personalities and capabilities, so there’s no point in comparing ourselves to others. The best way to reduce parenting stress is by letting go of the standards we hold from the past, future, or comparisons. Once we implement mindfulness and accept ourselves and our children as who they are “now,” we can start enjoying the process of parenting without stressing over each occurrence of events.

If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!
→ Looking to improve your mental health? Try the SELFMIND app FREE for a week!

References：

Yoshimasu, K., Oga, H., Kagaya, R., Kitabayashi, M., & Kanaya, Y. (2012). Parent-Child Relationships and Mindfulness. Japanese Journal of Hygiene, 67(1), 27-36. doi: 10.1265/jjh.67.27

Kitagawa, K., & Muto, T. (2013). What is How to Respond to Difficulties in Promoting Mindfulness. Doshisha Clinical Psychology: Therapy and Research 3(1), 41-51. doi: 10.14988/pa.2017.0000013384

The post The Benefits of Mindfulness in Parenting appeared first on SELF MIND.

4 Ways to Cope Through Stress Relief Humor

Humor is a word with a diverse concept that can be viewed in a myriad of ways.

Humor is an elusive and multifaceted concept that includes wit, laughter, joking, comedy, kidding, teasing, clowning, mimicking, satire, and freak enjoyment of the imperfect.

Robinson, V.M. (1978), University of Manchester

Humor, the capacity to express or perceive what’s funny, is both a source of entertainment and a means of coping with difficult or awkward situations and stressful events.

Martin, A. (2006), University of Western Ontario

As described by experts in the field above, humor refers to expression and communication we regard as funny or amusing. Furthermore, if we delve deeper, humor can be classified into four main categories: aggressive humor, affiliative humor, self-defeating humor, and self-enhancing humor. Each of these types of humor plays a different role in our coping mechanism.

1. Aggressive Humor

Aggressive humor is typically aimed towards others, primarily through sarcasm and teasing. This category of humor may also include tongue-in-cheek, satire, dark humor, and ridicule, all of which have cathartic effects or induce a sense of superiority. While it can come off as negative because it attacks or slanders others, it can definitely work if there’s a strong psychological bond. To someone close, it could send an indirect message that says, “I feel close enough to make fun of you”. This can actually be comforting, especially to a good friend. Of course, depending on how and when you use this type of humor, it may hurt others, so proceed with caution.

2. Affiliative Humor

Affiliative humor refers to puns, wordplay, and other forms of humor that are mainly playful and trivial. Humor can be playful when the motivation is to create a jovial atmosphere, entertain, or when the subject stays light-hearted. Affiliative humor can effectively lighten the mood when we need a change. Unlike aggressive humor, anyone can use affiliative humor regardless of the degree of relationship.

3. Self-Defeating Humor

Self-defeating humor refers to the type of self-deprecating jokes in which we reprimand ourselves through belittling, undervaluing, or excessive modesty. Above all, this kind of humor has the potential to make positive impressions and build smooth relationships. However, excessive self-deprecation risks the development of low self-esteem and diminished happiness in the person making the jokes. At a glance, it may seem beneficial for you to pose as the main target of humor, because it does not hurt anyone, nor would it risk your relationships. However, we must keep in mind that excessive self-mockery can be destructive, and we should be careful how we use it.

4. Self-Enhancing Humor

Self-enhancing humor is expressed through self-objectification, usually targeting yourself to create humor in a good-natured way. For example, laughing at your own failure is good for health because it can turn potential stress into a positive factor. At a glance, it may sound similar to self-defeating humor, but it differs in the sense that it doesn’t attack self-esteem. Let’s look at an example of humor from the perspective of a person who is not confident about their appearance.

・Self-defeating humor: “I’ve never been complimented by anyone before, but yesterday I went to the hospital with a sprained ankle, and the doctor said, “The arch of your foot is exquisite.” The only thing about me worth complimenting is the arch of my foot!”
・Self-enhancing humor: “I’ve never been complimented by anyone before, but yesterday I went to the hospital with a sprained ankle, and the doctor said, “The arch of your foot is exquisite.” That was my first ever compliment about my foot! I’m glad I sprained my ankle.”

As you can see, self-enhancing humor takes a positive outlook overall.

Self-enhancing humor also requires a certain level of calmness to view things objectively and to gain further insight. This form of stress relief humor also prevents us from losing our minds from hopelessness, difficulties, and failure. Therefore, this kind of humor restores a sense of normalcy and is the most effective form of comedy as a coping mechanism.

Comedy as a Coping Mechanism in Stress Relief Humor

As you can see, there are many different types of humor, but not everyone can use humor effectively. Some people may find it difficult to come up with a witty response on the spot. If so, just engaging in a humorous conversation, environment, or event is sufficient to help us relax and relieve stress.

Many studies indicate that humor is effective in stress relief. For example, nurses at a hospital found that they can alleviate symptoms of delirium (a mental disorder with delusions and hallucinations) by communicating with the patient through humorous gestures. Similarly, humor and comedy have been drawing attention as a coping mechanisms to manage stress and regulate our mental health. Thus, we can simply say or act upon jokes to lighten a situation, reduce stress, and combat depression.

For some, humor is used as an ice-breaker to relieve tension on the first encounter with someone; and for others, simply laughing together with close friends and family can be effective in relieving stress. In other words, there are many different ways we can share what we find humorous, depending on our personalities and culture.

Find Humor in Life Every Day

Laughter is an essential element in maintaining our mental health every day. Moreover, medically speaking, laughter boosts the immune system and can even help prevent physical ailments, including cancer.

Laughter and humor brighten up our lives. Therefore, let’s try to incorporate more humor in our lives – make casual jokes out of your own mistakes, come up with a funny analogy, or try to engage with someone who has a good sense of humor. In this way, regular exposure to humor and laughter will surely help relieve some stress!

If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!
→ Looking to improve your mental health? Try the SELFMIND app FREE for a week!

References:

Hayama, D., & Sakurai, S. (2005). A Review of the Moderating Effect of Humor on Stress. Tsukuba Psychological Research (30), 87-97

Ishihara, S. (2015). The Effects of Humor Coping with Interpersonal Stress on Psychological Health. Bulletin of Human Science (36), 67-77.

Kunugimoto, N., & Yamasaki, M. (2011). The Effect of Humor Coping with Interpersonal Stress on the Relationship Between Cynical Hostility, Conscious Defensiveness, and Depression. The Japanese Journal of Psychology 82(1), 9-15. doi: 10.4992/jjpsy.82.9
Martin, R. A. (2006). The Psychology of Humor: An Integrative Approach (1st ed.). London, United Kingdom: Academic Press.

Miyashiro, K., & Tomita, M. (2019). The Uses of Aggressive Humor for the Relations with their Friends in College Students. Japanese Cognitive Science Society: 36th Annual Proceedings, 2-25.

Robinson, V.M. (1978). Humor in Nursing. In C. E. Carlson & B. Blackwell (Authors), Behavioral Concepts and Nursing Intervention (2nd ed.) (pp. 191-210). Philadelphia, Pennsylvania: Lippincott.

Tsukawaki, R., Fukada, H., & Higuchi, M. (2011). Process Effects of Expression of Humor on Anxiety and Depression. The Japanese Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 51(1), 43-51. doi: 10.2130/jjesp.51.43

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Workplace Relationships Affects Everyone

It’s not that difficult to avoid stressful situations if it’s within personal relationships. You can usually cut ties with a person or create distance so that they can’t distract you.

However, when it comes to stressful relationships at the workplace, it can be impossible to avoid certain people due to work responsibilities. Unavoidable work stress can cause mental illnesses when they’re left unattended.

The Impact of Stressful Relationships at Work

Stressful work relationships are continually listed among the top 10 reasons why an employee quits their job. Not everyone leaves their job for positive reasons and sometimes, their mental health can be way too damaged by the time they leave their job.

High Risk of Depression and Burnout

There’s a risk to a person bearing through high-stress environments for long durations. Long-term stress is known to lead to possible mental illnesses.

A prominent mental illness due to prolonged depressed feelings and anxiety is depression. Workplace stress can cause unhealthy conditions for your mental well-being, as well as physical symptoms like insomnia and fatigue. As a result, some serious cases may even cause difficulties in getting out of the house in the end.

Burnouts are typical symptoms due to high stress. This happens to people even when they used to enthusiastically work before, but lost any motivation to move forward. It is said that burnouts strongly correlate with depression.

Mental illnesses that stem from stress require immediate attention. Once a person recognizes the state that they’re in, they should go seek professional help right away. For some, it may be hard to understand their state from an objective perspective. It’s important to create a work environment that allows people to look out for each other so that everyone can recognize when someone is “off.”

How to Deal With Stressful Relationships at Work

How vast of a relationship you need to hold depends on your industry and type of job, but most of us need to maintain relationships with a variety of people. As much as diversity is important, the differences in age, background, and type of employment can all easily become a blocking point as well.

What kind of stressful relationships exist in the workplace and how can we deal with them?

1. Workplace Harassment

Workplace harassment is a huge issue when we consider stressful situations and relationships at work.

Below are a few possible categories of workplace harassment:
・Discriminatory Harassment – based on race, age, gender, religion, etc.
・Power Harassment – a person in power harasses a victim who is lower on the office hierarchy
・Physical Harassment – based on physical attacks and threatening behavior
・Psychological Harassment – discrediting, isolating or belittling a person
・Sexual Harassment – includes unwanted sexual advances, conduct, or behavior

In many cases, the problem lies in the fact that the harasser is not aware of what they are doing. No matter how humorous, genuine, and encouraging they “think” they are, their words and actions could be taken differently by the receiver.

＜How to Improve The Situation＞

To stop harassment, you must let the harasser know so that they become aware of what they are doing. Social dynamics may make it difficult for you to directly speak up or confront the person in power. If so, try to talk to someone who is in an adequate position to raise your concerns for improvement.

If it’s difficult to voice your opinion on your own, talk to someone who is in a similar position as you. Submitting concerns as a group is more effective than doing it alone. If there is no one that you can talk to, you should consult a lawyer or get in touch with the U.S. EEOC.

Workplace harassment can be solved through action. There is no need to stay quiet or hold it all in. We all need to take part in creating an environment that will not tolerate any kind of harassment. Our individual awareness of this issue is essential for ourselves and for any other potential victim.

2. There’s Somone You Dislike

When we spend long hours at work, naturally, there will be stressful people that have challenging personalities and different ideologies. They don’t necessarily do anything intentionally bad towards you, you just don’t get along with them that well.

Projects that involve close teamwork with managers and coworkers we dislike can cause long-term stress. There are people we grow close to through frequent communication, but there will always be a few that we have difficulties with.

According to studies, people who easily hold a strong distaste towards others tend to have low self-esteem. In other words, people who have no self-confidence are more critical towards others. This means that building self-confidence could help reduce our dislikes. When we truly accept who we are and reach a point of confidence, there’s no behavior that can really bother us. Even if tension arises between another person, we can brush it off optimistically when there’s confidence.

＜How to Improve The Situation＞

We should always stay calm when friction arises so that we can think through the issues objectively. An open mind with a rational view can give us an opportunity to look at things with less bias.

For example, if a boss got upset at your mistake and you only focused on the fact that they were “upset,” an emotional response might be that we feel angry and stressed. However, an objective view would help us switch things into a positive narrative, where we feel thankful that our mistakes were corrected early on so that they won’t happen again.

Verbalized thoughts are effective in gaining objective perspectives. Talk to someone you trust or write a diary. It can even be an internal conversation with yourself. All of these things will help you organize your thoughts to see things more clearly and objectively.

The Positivity of Healthy Relationships

On the other hand, positive relationships at work can be the best medication for our mental health. A coworker you can talk to daily, or a great boss can all help reduce stress.

Good relationships at the workplace are known to:

・Improve teamwork and collaboration
・Improve employee morale
・Increase employee productivity
・Lead to higher employee retention rates

As we can see, relationships can be both toxic and helpful for our wellbeing depending on the situation.

There are no straight answers on how to solve relationship issues. Everyone seeks their own path to reach a conclusion. A shift in perspective or new ways of thinking can hint us towards a better direction to improve our relationship at the workplace.

Looking to improve your mental wellbeing? Try the SELF MIND app FREE for 1 week!
If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!

References：

McFarlin, K. (2019, February 5). Importance of Relationships in the Workplace. Small Business – Chron.Com. https://smallbusiness.chron.com/importance-relationships-workplace-10380.html

Nagatomi, Y. (2015). Psychological harassment and mental health at work. Journal of Osaka University of Economics, 66(1), 223–233. https://ci.nii.ac.jp/naid/120005616521

Nagatomi, Y. (2016). Stress trigger and process under workplace harassments. Journal of Osaka University of Economics, 66(5), 243–248. https://doi.org/10.24644/keidaironshu.66.5_243

Ostuka, Y., Suzuki, A., & Takada, M. (2007). Mental Health at The Workplace: Recent Trends and Stress Coping Realities. The Japanese Journal of Labour Studies, 49(1), 41–53. https://ci.nii.ac.jp/naid/120002099808

Yahnke, K. (2020, June 12). 11 Types of Workplace Harassment (and How to Stop Them). I-Sight. https://i-sight.com/resources/11-types-of-workplace-harassment-and-how-to-stop-them/

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The Mind and Body Are Connected

Our minds are deeply interconnected with our state of wellbeing. People with symptoms of depression frequently look down at the ground, and simply using facial muscles to fake a smile can reduce stress and induce positive emotions. In the same way, the largest organ in the human body – the skin – is also deeply connected to our mental state when it comes to human contact. The skin acts as the boundary between our surroundings, thus it strongly influences our self-awareness.

Skin: The Body’s Third Brain

The brain is formed from the same ectoderm (tissue layer) as our skin during development, and recent research shows that the same substances are present in the brain and skin. In addition, a very high percentage of the brain area is used to process skin sensations, and therefore the influence of skin sensations on the brain is considered to be very large. There’s ongoing research looking into the possibility of our skin processing a certain amount of information independent from the brain. For these reasons, the skin is considered by some as the human body’s “third brain”, or the “exposed brain”.

(As a side note: The gut, which can act independently of the brain, is considered the “second brain”. This is why we sometimes refer to our instinctive thoughts as “gut feelings”.)

Warming the Skin Warms the Heart

In one experiment, participants were provided with cups of either hot or cold coffee to hold. Then they were asked to give their impression of a fictional person’s biography. The results showed that participants with hot coffee were more likely to label the fictional individual as “friendly” or “generous”. Other experiments have also shown that warming the skin makes people feel closer to build trust. This is because our “insular cortex” in the brain is involved in both “skin warmth” and “emotional warmth.”

How to Perform Therapeutic Touch

The skin understands the softness of an object and this is believed to affect the mind.
For example, if you observe a baby, you’ll see them continuously sucking on a pacifier or holding a blanket. This is because they get a sense of security and satisfaction from touching something soft like a pacifier or a blanket.

The “speed” of the therapeutic touch also affects our state of mind. The appropriate speed of contact to reduce stress and promote mental stability is 2 – 4 inches ( 5 – 10 cm) per second. A good rule of thumb is to imagine gliding the hand from shoulder to wrist over the course of about 5 seconds. It’s also important to use the entire palm of the hand to apply the right amount of pressure at this time. If you are feeling anxious, tense, or stressed out, massaging the limbs with slow, moderate pressure may help calm the nerves.

Soothing Relaxation Effects of 1/F Fluctuation

When we experience therapeutic touch with another human, a vibration is emitted at a frequency called the “1/f fluctuation”. This frequency is often found in nature, in a gentle breeze or a babbling stream, and is said to soothe our minds to induce a relaxed state. When the brain feels a pleasant sensation, it releases a hormone called oxytocin. Oxytocin is closely related to our emotions of love and trust, and the secretion of oxytocin helps with mental and physical relaxation. If you see someone who seems upset or sad, you can comfort them by stroking their back or caressing their head. A “1/f fluctuation” touch is sure to give them a sense of soothing relaxation.

Human Contact in the Modern Age

In the field of psychology, ‘personal space’ is commonly understood as a requirement to avoid stress. Some people feel uncomfortable or violated if you touch them out of the blue. Especially since the spread of COVID-19, we are required to be more mindful of reducing contact with others and maintaining a social distance.

However, one thing that will never change for humanity is the fact that human contact is soothing. It’s our natural instinct to seek contact with other people. In this modern age, many of us are overstressed with relationships and social anxiety. More and more, therapeutic touch with our peers becomes an important part of maintaining our mental health. Perhaps initiating meaningful contact with our loved ones will heal our hearts and build trust in relationships.

→ Looking to improve your mental health? Try the SELFMIND app FREE for 1 week!
If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!

Image: Unsplash
Reference:
Yamaguchi, H. (2014). Healing of mind by body contact. Journal of the Japan Society of Acupuncture and Moxibustion, 64(3), 132-140. doi: 10.3777/jjsam.64.132

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Actively Making Friends

For students entering a new semester, the psychological stress caused by their environmental change weighs heavily.

Will I make new friends?
Will I find a new romantic relationship?
Can I keep up with my studies?
Where will I go with my future career?

There are many things to mull over.

Japanese students entering their freshman year took a sruvery to answer, which parts of their lives they considered most important throughout their university experience. Students who had a positive attitude towards “socializing and friends” overall maintained healthier minds. Talking to and spending time with friends are crucial activities in maintaining good mental health. The key to finding communities that we can fit into, depends on how socially proactive we are. As for college students starting a new life, you can determine your future by directing your energy towards what you envision.

Post-Retirement Isolation and Loneliness

On the other hand, a lack of community is a problem among adults. Many people don’t have places to interact with friends or acquaintances in their personal time. This often becomes even more noticeable during unemployment, or after retirement. Things can turn difficult when retirees realize that their workplace was the only community they had. Many of them had been incapable of physically or mentally connecting outside their workplace. This is due to the fact that most of them worked from morning to night, then spend the rest of the day recuperating alone at home. It sounds inevitable for such people to feel lonely when they lose their only place of community.

Leaving a job not only means having less income, but also a loss of community. Such inconvenience and isolation from society greatly affect the mentality of an unemployed or retired. This can potentially lead to the onset of depression, and sometimes even suicide. For those who work every day, creating a community outside of the workplace takes up a lot of energy. But joining a community and interacting with others is one of the best preventive measures for loneliness and isolation.

Active Listening is the Key to Communication

What kind of person would you like to befriend? Someone with a good personality, easy to talk to, independent, and respectable. An admirable person meets all these traits along with an indispensable skill; the ability to listen to others.

“Active listening” is a wonderful communicative skill that’s widely promoted by managers across companies. Academically, this means to;
・Empathically understand without judgement
・Provide unconditional positive interest
・Stay open, frank, and genuine

In other words, look at things from the perspective of others, empathetically listen to them without judgement, and be sincere with your responses. Active listening doesn’t require a special technique. It’s actually a realistic and practical approcah in encouraging others to become more aware and open to their surroundings as they prosper.

A questionnaire targeted 124 employees that received mental health training from their supervisors. In response to the question, “What content of the training did you find useful for your workplace in the future?”, 63% answered “active listening.” Respondents believed that it was useful in building relationships, interviewing staff, creating an open work culture, and detecting potential mental health disorders. While ‘listening to others’ sounds like the basis of communication, there are surprisingly many people who lack these basic skills. Active listening is an essential skill if you want to build a community where there’s trust and prosperity.

Enrich Your Life With Active Communication

Although positivity can require considerable amounts of effort, it often leads to better mental health. In order to effectively communicate with people with different values, we continuously need to consider ‘why’ the other person thinks the way they do. Through conscious effort, we can eventually fully embody the spirit of active listening as a natural skill. Proactive communication skills will help us enrich our lives with more fulfilling relationships.

Images: Unsplash
References:
Takahashi, M., Morita, S., Ishizu, K. The Influence of Collectivism and Sense of Community to Mental Health : Through an international comparison between Japan, China and Korea. (2010). Bulletin of the Graduate School of Education,the University of Tokyo, 50, 159-179. Retrieved from https://ci.nii.ac.jp/naid/120002924396

Asaoka, S., Igarashi, A. Importance of communication with friends for keeping good mental health in university freshmen (2004).The Japanese Society for the Study of Career Education. 22(2), 11-18. https://doi.org/10.20757/career.22.2_11

Ikegami, K., Tagawa, Y., Mafune, K., Hiro, H., Nagata, S. The Effectiveness of the Mental Health Training including Active Listening for Managers(2008). SANGYO EISEIGAKU ZASSHI. 50(4), 120-127.  https://doi.org/10.1539/sangyoeisei.E7008

Park Yong Koo. Japanese Yonug People’s domestic directivity based on data : comparative analysis between Korea and China.(2016). Journal of East Asian Studies. (14), 251-260. Retrieved from: https://ci.nii.ac.jp/naid/120005767107

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The Merits of Opening Up

It isn’t easy to open up. You need the courage to expose your vulnerabilities and you also need someone you can trust.

However, there are merits to opening up. Our depressive symptoms and mental health improve when we share our struggles or adversities in life. When someone listens and accepts our problems it brings up our self-esteem and frees our sense of loneliness. Advice and sympathy can also ease anxiety so that we can take the next step in action.

When we experience unpleasant events there’s a strong urge to want to share the experience with others. This urge occurs because venting gives us emotional satisfaction.

The 3 Reasons Why You Can’t Open Up

Even when there are merits to opening up, the idea of showing vulnerabilities can be scary. That’s because we anticipate a negative outcome by sharing our struggles.

What makes us anticipate this negative outcome?

Concern 1: There’s a Hierarchy In Place

There’s a chance that the social dynamics and hierarchy would change when you expose your true thoughts. Some people fear being put in an inferior position once their weaknesses are known.

The idea of a possible downgrade in social positions can send a person into a loop of negative thinking. This won’t be easy to change unless perspectives shift.

Concern 2: You Care What Others Think

There are people who anticipate more anxiety and embarrassment from opening up. They care too much about their public image. The possibility of being looked down upon or making someone uncomfortable outweighs the idea of opening up.

Our own common sense does not equate to other people’s common sense. If their internal values are different from others, it may hold a person back from opening up.

Concern 3: You Don’t Want to Remember Anything Negative

When we open up, we have to recall our negative memories to talk about them. Some people want to avoid this.

If there’s a painful past or an unpleasant memory, it can be mentally draining to dip into the past. In other words, it can feel like wounds are being ripped open. In this case, courage and commitment are required for a person to open up.

People With a High Sense of Pride Care About Their “Image”

We all have pride in who we are. Part of it comes from positive self-esteem and what we feel good about ourselves. Generally speaking, our sense of pride is formed through two aspects. The confidence in our capabilities and the belief in self-value.

How prideful you affects whether or not you can be completely vulnerable to open up.

People who have a lower sense of pride tend to feel easily hurt by adversities. This is because they’ve never felt enough self-value or a sense of belonging. On the other hand, people with a huge sense of pride are more tolerant of adversities. This is because they can focus on the other fun things in life or the positive traits regardless of the situation. Their thinking focuses on the future rather than the past and this creates small room for negativity.

In other words, they don’t need to go and share their struggles that risk their public image. Most people don’t want to give off any negative impressions and to manage a front, they think it’s best to avoid showing any vulnerabilities.

It’s Important to Open Up

Not everyone can open up to show who they really are.

However, opening up about how you really feel can fix problems in a relationship. There’s also a risk that a situation worsens because things are kept a secret.

When we open up, it creates an opportunity to form closer relationships. The act of exposing weakness and shame takes away the divide between people. Human beings are capable of empathy. We can form strong bonds when we truly open up to another person.

If you still struggle to open up, we recommend that you try AI (Artificial Intelligence) counseling. There is an AI counseling app that can support your mental journey and make you feel calm. It also has functions that allow for record-keeping so that you can view your problems from a more objective perspective. An AI robot can listen to your problems without judgment anytime, anywhere.

It’s also much more affordable than traditional therapy. We recommend that you give it a try through a free trial!
→SELF MIND

Reference：

Katayama, M. (1996). The relationship between self-esteem and self-disclosure of negative information. The Japanese Journal of Psychology, 67(5), 351–358. https://doi.org/10.4992/jjpsy.67.351

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