5 Cases of Why People Act Two-Faced

There is no definitive way to determine whether or not a person is acting two-faced. We’ll take a look at a few cases and why people feel the need to keep a front and act separate from how they’re really feeling.

CASE 1: People-Pleasing to Gain Position

There are people that try and please others to gain desired outcomes.

At some point as kids, we all tried hard to please our parents to gain affection or have them buy a toy we wanted. This may still prevail in our actions today when we try to please someone we like to get their attention.

With this kind of situation, a person’s real personality will come out only when they reach their goal. This is why we often hear stories of people who change after they’re “officially together.”

CASE 2: Not Ready to Show Their True Selves

Most people act two-faced when they don’t want others to see who they really are. When we join new communities, we keep our thoughts to ourselves while we try to figure out the social dynamics. No one wants to show how weird they are from the start.

This a natural self-defense reaction we all have. In this case, time will allow the person to show their real authentic selves.

CASE 3: Approaching Things Very Carefully

It’s not always safe to share everything you know. Sometimes, extra information can cause trouble. A person can be acting like someone they’re not to mitigate the risk of getting too involved.

In this case, their careful personality is causing them to act as if they’re two-faced, so it may be hard to draw out their real personalities. If they deem you as “trustworthy” or “a person that’s capable of objective perspectives,” they may naturally come out of their shell to talk to you.

CASE 4: The Desire for People To Like Them

Sometimes we act a certain way so that other people will like us.

If someone is an introvert but is afraid of loneliness, they may act as if they’re an extrovert to feel accepted. In this kind of scenario, a person may feel “fake” because they are trying to be someone they are not.

CASE 5: Past Experiences of Social Difficulties

Some people have past trauma from painful social incidents and this keeps them away from being honest about their feelings. It could be that they’ve opened up to someone before but were betrayed, or their authentic personalities being rejected in the past.

As much as it’s hard to trust others, no one wants to keep up their guard all the time, so these people may open up to you if you sincerely approach them.

How to Build a Relationship With a Two-Faced Person

It makes a difference to know whether a person is consciously or unconsciously acting out. If you want them to be real with you, try communicating in the following ways:

・Consider a Soft and Long-Lasting Dialogue

With the 5 cases above, there seems to be a way to open up people when we invest in a long-term relationship. However, going in too forcefully with long hours of communication will make them nervous.

Be aware that it won’t be easy to break a person’s shell. Rather than going for an hour’s lunch, try a 3-minute friendly greeting every morning. A gradual approach will make it easier for a person to open up.

・Don’t Force Communication

This may somewhat contradict the above point on being active in your approach, but excessive communication can feel alarming for some. It’s a great idea to try and get to know someone, but make sure to keep a distance that’s safe enough for the other person to feel open.

・Show Your Own Vulnerabilities

If the person seems to act because they’re trying to hide their weakness, you can try showing your own vulnerabilities.

In psychology, there’s a term called “Emotional Empathy.” Psychologist and journalist, Daniel Goleman, describes Emotional Empathy as, “when you feel physically along with the other person, as though their emotions were contagious.” When people understand that others have vulnerabilities too, it becomes easier for them to show their own.

Once you establish that it’s okay to be your authentic self, the necessity to keep a front dissolves and allows for a person to be real.

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Build Relationships Slowly For Them to Open Up

There are many reasons why a person might need to act two-faced and it won’t be easy to break their shell. It will take time. Approach them gently as you would approach a feral cat and keep a healthy distance as you do so. Eventually, you’ll reach a place where you can see each other eye to eye and communicate at a closer level.

References：

SAWADA, M. (2014). Balance Between Private and Public Selves : The Annual Report of Educational Psychology in Japan, 53(0), 37–49. https://doi.org/10.5926/arepj.53.37

Tobari, M. (2000). Empathy as a multidimensional construct : A review of research on empathy. The Japanese Journal of Personality, 9(1), 36–51. https://doi.org/10.2132/jjpjspp.9.1_36

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At some point, we all come across polarizing questions like, “love or money?” A classic example along similar lines would be, “Are you a dog person, or a cat person?” Dogs and cats are best friends to humans, but wouldn’t it be interesting if we could determine personalities based on our animal preferences? In fact, there are studies that look at personality traits based on just “dogs versus cats”. Here is one animal lover personality test that focuses on your animal preference!

Compassionate Dog Person & Free-Spirited Cat Person

According to the Big Five personality traits , our personalities can be categorized into the following five:

1. Extraversion
2. Conscientiousness
3. Agreeableness
4. Openness to Experience
5. Neuroticism

Using this model, the following results were found about dog and cat lovers personalities:

• Dog lovers scored overall higher on “Agreeableness” compared to cat lovers.
• Cat lovers scored overall higher on “Openness to Experience” compared to dog lovers.

“Agreeableness”, which represents the person’s compassionate and cooperative spirit, was higher in a dog lover’s personality compared to cat lovers. In other words, dog lovers actively seek meaningful relationships and connections with other humans. On the other hand, cat lovers scored higher on “openness”, which represents the person’s independence and curiosity. It seems that a cat lover’s personality tends to have a stronger sense of individuality and creativity compared to dog lovers. Now, here is the personality test: are you a dog or cat person? Once you have your answer, keep reading to discover what this may reveal about your personality.

Dog Lover’s Personality: Loves to Receive Praise

Studies show that dog lovers have higher “reward dependency” compared to cat people. “Reward dependence” is a trait that seeks out relationships and connections, while having the desire to be appreciated by others. (It’s important to note that “reward” here doesn’t necessarily mean material gifts. Rather, it points to intangible rewards we obtain through meaningful human relationships.) If you know of a person who cares about social media likes, they could be more of a dog person who feels the need for approval.

Cat Lover’s Personality: Good at Rising to the Occasion

The traits of a cat lover’s personality are rather interesting. Study participants who wanted cats expressed greater degrees of extroversion in public situations compared to their private lives. In other words, cat lovers were introverts in private situations but were capable of presenting themselves as extroverts in public situations. Therefore, they were great at rising to social occasions only when they needed to. Above all, perhaps a cat lover’s personality is like a jack of all trades; changing their outward impressions based on the situation and how they want to be perceived. 

Birds of a Feather Flock Together

It’s intriguing to think that this simple animal lover personality test can reflect aspects of our own personalities. One theory suspects that this happens due to the influence of similarities. Let me explain what I mean by that.

Below is a summary of the characteristics mentioned above.

• Dog lover personality: Cherishes connection and cooperation with others. Loves to receive praises and approvals.
• Cat lover personality: Prefers to do things their own way. Changes how they want to interact depending on the situation.

These personality traits closely describe how we view dogs and cats themselves. Moreover, there’s a possibility that we tend to gravitate towards the animal that closely represents our own interests and personality traits. In other words, your personality doesn’t become more cat-like because you like cats. Rather, you gravitate towards cats because you see a bit of yourself in them. This would make a lot of sense!

This Animal Lover Personality Test is All in Good Fun

Did anything ring true? Of course, everything in this article is based on general statistics and tendencies, so it’s not a definitive trait for every cat or dog person on earth. A personality test is all in good fun, so take it with a grain of salt. So, the next time you meet someone new, ask them about their animal preferences. It could reveal some hints about their personality!

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References：
Saito, A. (2010). Personality Differences Between Cat-lovers and Dog-lovers. Annual convention of the Japanese Psychological Association proceedings, 74, 21.

Saito, A., Nakamura, T., Hirashi, K., & Hasegawa, T. (2011). Personality Differences Between Cat-lovers and Dog-lovers (2). Annual convention of the Japanese Psychological Association proceedings, 75, 40. doi: 10.4992/pacjpa.75.0_1EV020

Tajima, T. (2017). Personality Characteristics of Dog-Lovers and Cat-Lovers: Multiplicity of Personality and Similarity to Personality of Pet. The Japanese Journal of Personality, 26(2), 109-120. doi: 10.2132/personality.26.2.5

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