Negative Experiences are a Part of Life

A Japanese university experimented to see how people socially share their experiences when they see images that evoke unpleasant feelings. When participants were left alone in a waiting room with a friend after seeing the unpleasant images, 95.3% of them told their friends about the images. Even when they were told not to disclose, 53% of them ended up talking about their experience a week later. Our desire to share bad experiences with others is so strong, and we struggle to keep it to ourselves.

In clinical psychology, verbalization of emotions is believed to have a cathartic effect that removes anxiety and tensions. Verbalizing emotions is also linked to better mental health, as it has significant implications for depression recovery. People seem to derive these effects from “cognitive” and “interpersonal” aspects of this behavior, which we will discuss below.

Emotional Support Stabilizes Our Feelings

Tough times can make us feel frustrated and anxious. When these experiences occur, our trust, self-image, perception of others, and the world can be shaken. We all desire to sort out what happened, why it happened, and know what kind of social support we can get. When there’s something out of our control, we feel the need to discuss it with peers so that we can restore our faith again. Receiving the emotional support from our peers makes us feel better about the mistakes we made. These are the “cognitive” reasons we vent our feelings to others.

Staying Connected to Society

When we’re upset, we tend to focus on ourselves and our negative experiences. As a result, we tend to forget about the rest of the world. We try to recover from the loneliness we experience during these times by sharing our negative experiences with friends and family. Our desire to communicate stems from wanting society to know how we’re feeling and to feel accepted through emotional support. This is the “interpersonal” reason why we talk about painful things.

Do We Want to Share Our Embarrassment?

It’s not rare to share the little embarrassing things that we experience. Like when we mess up during a presentation or trip on a flat surface. A Japanese university set to find out if and when students would talk to others about their saddest, angriest, and most embarrassing experiences. Researchers expected results to show that participants seldom shared their embarrassing experiences. However, 71.4 % of participants claimed to share their most embarrassing experiences with others. Also, more than half shared their experience almost immediately after it happened.

Everybody Shares Their Feelings with Others

Sharing feelings is part of our universal behavior. A social study of shared emotional behavior across six countries, including Belgium and Suriname, found no differences by country, age, or gender, in the way that humans shared emotions. Talking about embarrassing or upsetting occurrences seems to be a common phenomenon for men and women of all ages and backgrounds worldwide.

Nevertheless, it can be somewhat stressful for a listener to hear someone’s negative experience, as well as to provide undivided emotional support. It’s wiser to spread your venting among several people rather than dumping everything onto just one person.

Sharing difficult or embarrassing experiences is natural. We should always support our circle of family and friends to help each other get through these experiences.

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Image: Unsplash

Reference:
Kawase, T. (2000). Why We Talk About Our Emotions: Why Do People Talk About Negative Emotions to Others? Bulletin of Miyazaki Municipal University Faculty of Humanities 7(1), 135-149.

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Common Struggles Among Parents

Researchers asked 312 mothers about stressful aspects in caring for infants. Among the top were:

• General worries of parenting
• Concerns for the children’s environment
• Loss of identity

The pressure the parents feel to raise children can manifest as overwhelming stress. There’s a lot of confusion, especially when taking care of a first-born child.

A former babysitter once said, “When the child is born, a mother is born.” Everyone is a beginner when they start off. We, ourselves, learn through the process of interacting with our children and experience growth together.

As for the concerns for the child’s upbringing environment, much of this has to do with family support, financial situation, and safety. It is vital to form a community network within neighborhoods so that everyone can look out for each other.

Loss of identity is a very real matter for a parent that commits their time to care for a child full-time. Time away from work can make it seem like they’re being left behind by society and some may even have concerns about returning or finding new work after a gap. On the other hand, some feel like they are suddenly seen only as a parent and nothing more. This can cause an illusion as if they’re no longer needed or less of a part of society.

Given the increase in nuclear family households and decrease in general community networks, a parent can easily feel isolated from society nowadays. Some neighborhoods need immediate attention and improvement in their community for families to thrive.

3 Ways to Relieve Parental Stress

1. Seek Support from Someone Close

A survey asked 400 mothers of infants “who they sought support from” and the number one person was the father. Friends and family followed, but the least sought out were experts and government support. Sure, it’s far more assuring to get support from close friends and family, as opposed to experts and government workers that we don’t personally know. In that sense, the support of our parenting partner (whom we’re most close to) is essential.

Partners need to take on a supportive role where the other can ask for help when necessary. The quality of support means a lot for the person who shoulders most of the parental duties.

2. Seek Support from Different Places

Other than family and friends, some seek support from their child’s teachers or the internet. For example, some issues may resolve more productively when we speak to a teacher that understands our child’s behavior and needs at school.

As for the internet, many connect with parental networks online to seek support these days. When the child is still young, it’s easier to feel lonely without the presence of a friend or a partner. On the web, many parents share similar struggles and information to learn about better parenting. In this sense, the internet is an effective means of support.

3. Stress Relief Through Self-Help

Many parents try to brush off their parental stress factors. Make a decision: stop fearing about whether you could go back to work or not, sleep your worries off, or ask family members to babysit for a while to take a break.

This may feel as if you’re compromising, but sometimes the best way to get rid of stress is to not think about it. If you have no one to rely on or feel uncomfortable seeking support, the best way to resolve it may be to shake it off and move on. Learning self-help and coping skills are an excellent way to relieve stress.

Relieve Stress Before It Gets Too Big

Children require constant care and attention until they’re capable of taking care of themselves. We want to solve things right away if a problematic situation occurs, but it’s not always easy. Try not to feel responsible about every single thing and learn to let things go from time to time.

If you feel the need to talk to someone, you can always reach out for support. Concerns over our child, the struggles we feel, and the need to vent are all relevant. Sometimes, just talking to someone can lead to a huge relief.

Relieving stress is more important than trying to solve an issue 100%. Hopefully, we can learn how to better deal with parental stress so that we can live a life full of laughter with our family.

Looking to improve your mental wellbeing? Try the SELF MIND app FREE for 1 week!
If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!

References：

Kusano, E., & Ono, M. (2010). Influence of Child care-related Stress Associated with Social Factors on Mother’s Mental Health. The Journal of Child Health, 69(1), 53–62. https://www.jschild.med-all.net/Contents/private/cx3child/2010/006901/009/0053-0062.pdf

Shimizu, Y. (2007). A Mother’s Parental Stress : Support, Resolution, Reality, and It’s Relationship. The Journal of Child Health, 66(1), 54–60. https://www.jschild.med-all.net/Contents/private/cx3child/2007/006601/009/0054-0060.pdf

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