Common Arguments Between Couples

Cooperation and empathetic communication are vital in a loving and lasting relationship. Frustration can build up when one feels like the other is lacking in the conscious efforts of these elements.

Uneven Household Chores

Uneven understandings of cleanliness and chores are easy sources for frustration. If one spends the day at a demanding job only to come back to a partner lazily lounging in a messy house, understandably, it can result in unpleasant feelings. Household chores don’t only imply the physical necessities. Emotional labor can be a huge component as well.

Disagreements

When one has too much pride to accept differences or doesn’t know how to handle disagreements, it becomes a problem. The will to communicate decreases in a partner if they feel like they’re never heard.

Not Keeping Promises

Tensions can build up when promises are broken. If one promises to handle a certain task and doesn’t follow through, the other can feel overwhelmed with more on their list to handle. We all hold hope in promises made. Thus, we also feel very disappointed when promises are broken for selfish or uncommunicated reasons.

4 Things to Try When You Feel Frustrated

A big portion of our frustrations happens when our message isn’t conveyed properly. Sure, we can blame communication skills, but presuming that you’ve already established a certain kind of dynamic in how you argue throughout the years, it’s not easy to create immediate change.

Here are 4 suggestions that can help when you’re feeling frustrated with your partner.

Create Space for Alone Time

Once we’re upset with our partner, even the sight of them can set us off. To avoid that, spend some alone time to cool off. There’s no need to live separate lives for this, just take a few hours off to reflect and recharge your positive energies.

A few minutes of internal positive conversations can help us cope with stressful situations. Try to hold conversations with yourself in a second-person perspective while giving yourself genuine advice. This method helps people regain an objective view of their stress.

We go into more details on how to do this in another post if you’re interested.

Tell Them How You Feel

Speak with your partner about how you feel. Your partner isn’t intentionally trying to make you unhappy. Oftentimes, they may not realize that you’re even frustrated. Talk to them directly. It will help them understand that there are concerns.

Let’s also be mindful of the tone when we speak to our partners. If you’re frustrated with them for never putting their dirty clothes in the laundry basket, don’t tell them to, “stop it.” Instead, tell them that you would appreciate it if they could put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket, or in fact, how happy it makes you feel when they do. Choose your wording wisely so that they can understand how their action impacts your emotions.

Take A Break for Hobbies

Stress-relieving methods are important in lasting relationships. We recommend you find a hobby you really enjoy. When we focus on hobbies, we can turn our negative energies into positive ones.

In recent years, many couples choose to both work rather than hold traditional roles. If you are both working and busy, try to choose a hobby that allows for participation anytime, anywhere, and in small increments. This way the hobby doesn’t get in the way of the quality time you spend together with your partner.

Physical activities like dancing can provide both stress relief and better physical health. We go into more details in our past post about dancing and stress relief.

Share Your Feelings With Others

Simply, sharing feelings with a third person helps with stress. One university study found that 80% of the negative feelings we shared were “anger.” This means many of us already feel frustrated about something and tend to relieve it through sharing.

We feel lighter and gain helpful perspectives when we share our problems with our local community, offices, friends, or family. People with similar experiences can share their solutions and stories. Once we feel heard and well advised, we can head home with a better outlook.

If you feel hesitant talking about your problems to someone you know, you can also try talking to an AI chatbot. SELF MIND is an AI app developed to assist anyone through their life struggles.

Can an AI app provide mental support? Try the SELF MIND app for a FREE trial!
If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!

Maintaining A Healthy Romantic Relationship

No matter how close partners are, small indifferences and arguments can still happen. Instead of bottling your feelings inside, it’s important to have stress outlets so that you can cool off and come back feeling calm and collected. Once couples can communicate effectively through objective conversations, they can work on figuring out and working towards a solution together. Couples that can work through their problems may find their bonds grow stronger as well.

Reference：

Kawase, T. (2000). Why People Talk About Their Emotion? Miyazaki University Humanities Departmental Bulletin Paper, 7(1), 135–149. http://id.nii.ac.jp/1143/00000652/

Cascio, C. N., O’Donnell, M. B., Tinney, F. J., Lieberman, M. D., Taylor, S. E., Strecher, V. J., & Falk, E. B. (2015). Self-affirmation activates brain systems associated with self-related processing and reward and is reinforced by future orientation. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 11(4), 621–629. https://doi.org/10.1093/scan/nsv136

Okada, N., Nakata, A., Nagano, M., Sakai, K., Takai, K., Kodama, H., & Kobayashi, T. (2018). Stressors and the Sense of Coherence Related to the Mental Health of Nurses Assuming the Roles of Wives and/or Mothers – Investigation into the Effects of Leaving Jobs Because of Marriage, Childbirth, and Childrearing. Journal of UOEH, 40(1), 53–63. https://www.jstage.jst.go.jp/article/juoeh/40/1/40_53/_pdf/-char/ja

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What is Pet Loss?

There is no clear line in what qualifies as pet loss. Some medical associations call it a pet loss if a person has simply lost their pet, and some others include the trauma and grief that follows.

In this post, we focus on the grief reaction that comes after losing a pet companion.

The Mental Consequences of a Pet Loss

According to research, the following are considered the effects of pet loss:

・Sudden and unstoppable tears
・Incapable of making progress due to self-hate
・Whitnessing shadows of their lost pet
・Prolonged anxiety and negativity
・Easily panicked
・Nightmares

Additionally to the above points, pet loss is known to cause physical symptoms such as loss of appetite and dizziness. Generally speaking, pet loss can create mental states extremely similar to depression and should be taken care of if symptoms prolong.

5 Ways to Cope With Pet Loss

Some suggest that getting a new animal would help with pet loss, but for some people, owning a new pet too soon still feels like a betrayal to their lost love. The most important step in overcoming the sadness is to first fully accept the loss of your beloved pet.

As a way to completely accept the death of your pet, you can try the following methods:

1. Cry Your Heart Out

To face pet loss, you must first accept the death of your pet. Tears may fall when you think of your lost companion, but don’t hold it in and let it all out. Crying relaxes the sympathetic nerves so that the parasympathetic nerves can become dominant. This lifts mental stress.

Tears will shift the brain back to normal from a stress-controlled state, and this will allow a calm transition into acceptance of death.

2. Share Your Sadness With Others Who Feel the Same Way

Even if you logically understand that your pet has passed away, sometimes it’s hard to accept it emotionally. In these circumstances, it helps to talk to others who are also going through similar experiences.

Typically, when a person passes away, there are funerals with family and friends that gather to mourn and reflect on past memories together. This helps people understand death, but with animals, a ceremony like humans are rare.

We recommend that you connect online with others who are also experiencing pet loss. Whether it be a group or an individual, share your sad feelings and ideas on how to overcome them. It’s encouraging to know that you’re not alone in the grieving process and sharing experiences will allow your heart to process the emotional aspects of the death.

3. Keep Yourself Intentionally Busy

One way to cope is by keeping yourself intentionally busy. It can be mentally tolling to constantly deal with sadness.

Whether professional or private, shift your focus to other activities. This can temporarily alleviate some of the stress felt through pet loss. Eventually, you’ll feel free enough from sadness to calmly accept the passing of your pet.

4. Create Closure

Once you’re able to accept death, we recommend that you organize your memories with them. Your pet’s toys, toiletry, and cage will always trigger a flashback in memories unexpectedly. This can bring back the negative symptoms of pet loss.

Try to organize and let go of some objects, frame certain memories that you cherish, or make a keepsake box to store special items that are dear to you. This will help you move on to a post-death new phase.

A pet memorial ceremony is also very helpful. You can plant a tree or place a gravestone where you buried your pet’s ashes as a way for closure.

5. Seek Pet Loss Counseling

If nothing works, in the end, you can always seek professional help. It can be a general therapist, but we recommend a Pet Loss Counselor that specializes in these matters. They can empathize deeply about your loss as they understand specific difficulties a person goes through during the loss.

If the issues you face are hard to share with people in real life, an AI can hear you without any restrictions on time schedule, or location. It’s an affordable alternative counseling method with a free trial period. Give it a try!
→SELF MIND

Move Forward With All The Great Memories

In some cases, people suffer through pet loss for more than 6 months. It’s a sign that you’ve poured your heart into caring for your pet, so there’s no need to try and ‘get over.’ Instead, we hope that you can embrace their departure and learn how to move forward with all the great memories you’ve created together!

References:

KIMURA, Y., KANAI, K., ITOH, N., CHIKAZAWA, S., HORI, Y., HOSHI, F., KAWABATA, H., & MAEZAWA, M. (2016). A Longitudinal Study of Mental Illness among Bereaved Pet Owners. Journal of Veterinary Epidemiology, 20(1), 59–65. https://doi.org/10.2743/jve.20.59

Kimura, Y. (2009). GriefReaction and Care Associated with Pet Loss in Japan. Japanese Journal of Psychosomatic Medicine, 49(5), 357–362. https://ci.nii.ac.jp/naid/110007161315

Nikaido, C., Ando, T., & Kajiwara, H. (2019). The past and future of pet loss study in Japan: A literature review. Journal of the College of Education, Yokohama National University. The Social Sciences, 2, 11–22. https://doi.org/10.18880/00012307

The post The Hardships of Pet Loss: 5 Ways To Cope With Grief appeared first on SELF MIND.

• Recognizes details more than others, which tires them out
• Excessively nervous about environmental changes
• Others compliment them as “rich with emotion”

The Psychological Characteristics of an HSP

How many of the following points apply to you?

• I overthink over the small things
• I feel easily emotionally connected to characters in movies or stories
• I’m surprised by big sounds more than average
• I need space if there are too many people around me
• I tend to rush through when I’m given too many tasks at once
• My heart rushes when I see people expressing anger onto others
• I haven’t felt better in a while

The more points that apply to you, the higher the chance you have HSP traits. If you have a tendency to take a long time to think or are emotionally rich, those are big traits of an HSP.

The Traits of an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person)

If you have HSP traits, high sensitivity can make you susceptible to mental pain. There are many traits if we go into detail, but here, we will introduce 3 traits that are the most common.

1. Easily Hurt

Some people can stay optimistic after failure at school, sports, or work, but there are also many that keep dragging their failures with them. People with HSP traits tend to fall into the latter type where they feel easily hurt.

An HSP’s sensitive thinking puts them in a headspace where they keep internalizing and blaming themselves rather than expressing their negative feelings outwards. The lack of confidence leads to pessimism and difficulty in communication, which then accumulates more mental instability.

2. Easily Tired

People with HSP traits tend to imagine a lot from very little information because they are sensitive. Their awareness in constant small details wears them down mentally. Additionally, because they are so sensitive to their surroundings, they are easily emotionally impacted by others. When they are around negative people, they tend to turn negative too.

3. Empathetic Tendencies

An HSP is extremely empathetic. They empathize through conversations with their close ones and tend to cater their opinion to others. They also strongly relate to the emotions of characters in movies and books.

5 Ways to Live with HSP Traits

First and foremost, we need to understand that HSP is not a mental illness. It’s just a unique trait of being richer in emotions, so there’s no need to feel inferior about it.

With that in mind, we introduce the 5 methods to live with HSP traits. The common thread in these methods is to create a relaxed environment.

Method 1 : Read

Reading a book allows us to step away from the stressful reality to immerse ourselves in another world. In fact, a university study shows that reading curbs extreme emotional ups and downs. Fiction novels are great, but non-fiction self-help books can also educate how to better deal with HSP-related stress.

It can be difficult to allocate time for reading if you have a busy schedule but try to dedicate at least 30 minutes a day for reading. This can be while you take public transportation, wait for an appointment, or right before bed.

Method 2: Listen to Music

Similar to reading, listening to music has a relaxing effect.

For a person with HSP traits, mental control in gaining calmness is key to reduce stress. Mindfulness meditation is helpful for this. It’s a method where you close your eyes, relax, and meditate while you pay attention to your breath. Music is said to be helpful in assisting mindfulness practices.

The music can be anything relaxing. If you’re not sure of where to start, we recommend searching a playlist using the keywords; healing music, jazz, or nature sounds. You’ll surely find something calming within those categories.

Method 3: Get Enough Sleep

How many hours of sleep do you get per day?

Some data results suggest that the average sleep hours are about 7 hours 40 minutes if you are above 10 years old. Adults require significant amounts of time with work and parental responsibilities, so it won’t be surprising if the average sleep hours turn out to be less than 7 hours.

A university study indicates that if a person continued 2 weeks with less than 7 hours of sleep, their brain function abilities decrease as if they had pulled an all-nighter for 1-2 days. We can assume from this that lack of sleep not only negatively influences our body, but the brain, and mental as well.

For those who do not have the capacity to increase their sleeping hours, we recommend just waking up at the same hour every day. Excessive sleeping on days off messes with our internal clock, which then messes with our overall circadian rhythm. If you’re the type that tends to excessively sleep on days off, start by keeping a 7-hour sleep schedule every day. This will help relieve stress symptoms from HSP traits.

Method 4: Practice Positive Thinking

The tendency to overthink pushes people into believing negative ideas that they are the bad ones or of the fear of possible criticism.

To overcome this, we must nurture positive thinking. A good way to do this is by trying a method called “The Three Good Things.” You write down 3 positive things about your day in a diary. It’s very simple, give it a try!

Method 5: Consult with Someone

If you feel like your HSP traits are too overwhelming to deal with on your own, you can always seek professional help. There are professionals that specialize in HSP that can help you gain better perspectives and resolutions for your own HSP traits.

For those who are too busy to go consult a professional, we recommend trying counseling services through smartphone apps. SELF MIND is an AI chatbot app that can cater to each user’s needs on the go. 94.2% of the users find the AI’s counseling function helpful so far, and it can surely nudge you in the right direction for your needs.
→ Check SELF MIND in app store

Deal With HSP Traits at Your Own Pace

An HSP tends to feel easily stressed, so finding a way to relax becomes essential. HSP traits are also misunderstood as being negative, but people with these traits are very good at compassionately helping others and observing things in detail. Therefore, it is important that we understand HSP as a unique trait to embrace.

Let’s take it nice and slow. This is an opportunity to face your inner self at your own pace.

References：

HIRANO, M. (2012). Buffer Effects of Resilience on Psychological Sensitivity : The Japanese Journal of Educational Psychology, 60(4), 343–354. https://doi.org/10.5926/jjep.60.343

Minai, H. (2010). The Effects of Morning Reading – Analytics, Discussion, and Explanation. The Japan Association of Lifelong Education, 31, 23–32. https://ci.nii.ac.jp/naid/120003103893

The post HSP Traits: How To Combat High Sensitivity Stress appeared first on SELF MIND.

What Is EFT Tapping?

Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is a form of mental health intervention that draws from theories such as acupuncture, neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), energy psychology, and Thought Field Therapy (TFT). It’s popularly known as “EFT Tapping” and was developed by Gary Craig, a Stanford engineering graduate who claims to be neither a psychologist nor a licensed therapist.

EFT techniques involve tapping specific acupressure points on the body, primarily on the head and the face, in a particular sequence. The person focuses on the issue that they wish to treat while using these tapping techniques.

EFT Tapping is commonly used to treat or help with the following:

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Insomnia
• Physical Pain
• Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
• Phobias
• Stress
• Weight Loss

Many people used to disregard the technique as the origin and effects are seemingly controversial, but as more recent research suggests, EFT tapping can be extremely helpful in coping with our emotional struggles. We’ll explain the science of EFT below for the skeptics!

Is EFT Tapping Scientifically Proven?

A quick google search will show that EFT tapping can be controversial as some people consider it “pseudo-science.” However, more and more recent research indicates interesting results. More than 100 studies show that clinical EFT does have an impact on a patient’s mental and physical well-being.

A 2019 meta-analysis and review study set to find out whether EFT was an evidence-based practice since there have been dismantling studies that lead to the skepticism of it. When their results were measured under the standards of the American Psychological Association Task Force on Empirically Validated Treatments, EFT was found to be an “evidence-based” practice for anxiety, depression, phobias, and posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Results showed not only psychological but physiological benefits as well.

• Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD):
  In 2013, researchers studied EFT tapping and it’s effectiveness on veterans with PTSD compared with standard care. Within a month, EFT coaching recipients successfully reduced significant amounts of psychological stress, and more than half of the same group no longer fit the criteria for PTSD.
  
• Anxiety:
  A 2016 review compared EFT tapping and standard care for anxiety symptoms. EFT indicated a significant decrease in anxiety scores compared to other forms of care. Other cases show that EFT can help with public speaking anxiety, and a 2018 Indian study concluded EFT as equally effective as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for anxiety and depression.
  
• Depression:
  Results of a meta-analysis review from 2016 that shows clinical EFT to be highly effective for depression.
  
• Weight Loss and Physical Performance:
  The physical impact of EFT is less studied than the psychological effects, but there are cases of successful weight loss through EFT. Researchers found EFT weight loss treatments to lead to decreased symptoms of depression as well. The significant reduction in cortisol levels after EFT sessions lead to a hypothesis made in 2013 that EFT could improve both depression and obesity through the reduction of cortisol. A 2010 journal also mentions clinical reports and accounts that EFT is practiced in professional and college-level golf, baseball, and American football to increase athletic performances.

How to Try EFT Tapping

STEP 1: Identify Issue and Discomfort Intensity

• Use your device or a piece of paper to write down all of the issues you are experiencing, one by one. Try to separate each issue and don’t clump many into one.
• After all the issues are identified, go down each issue to rate the intensity of discomfort you feel on a scale of 0 – 10 with 0 being the lightest and 10 being the worst. The scale assesses the emotional or physical pain and discomfort you feel.
• Choose one issue that hits the highest number on your intensity scale. This will be your first focal point as we practice the tap sequence. Focusing on only one problem at a time enhances the outcome.

STEP 2: Establish a Phrase

Before starting the tapping sequence, you need to establish a phrase that addresses two goals:

• Acknowledging the issue
• Accepting yourself despite the problem

The common setup phrase is:
・“Even though I have this [fear or problem], I deeply and completely accept myself.”

You can alter this phrase to fit the issue, but it should never involve someone else’s.

An example of a non-effective phrase involving someone else’s problem would be:
・“Even though [Name] is sick and struggling, I deeply and completely accept myself.”

Focus on how the problem makes you feel in order to relieve the distress it causes.
It’s better to address a situation where someone sick is impacting your life, by phrasing:
“Even though I’m sad [Name] is sick, I deeply and completely accept myself.”

A great setup phrase for personal stress would be:
・“Even though I feel stress, I deeply and completely accept myself.”

STEP 3: Tap Specific Points

1. First, take your four fingers (excluding the thumb) and tap the karate chop point on both sides of your hands. As you tap, simultaneously recite your setup phrase 3 times.

2. Using the same four fingers, lightly tap each following point 7 times as you recite your phrase 1 time.

Move down the body points in this ascending order on just one side of the body:

• Top of the head (starting & finishing point) – directly in the center of the top of the head
• Eyebrow – the beginning of the brow, just above and to the side of the nose
• Side of the eye – on the bone at the outside corner of the eye
• Under the eye – on the bone under the eye, approximately 1 inch (in) below the pupil
• Under the nose- the point between the nose and upper lip
• Chin – halfway between the underside of the lower lip and the bottom of the chin
• Beginning of the collarbone – the point where the breastbone (sternum), collarbone, and first rib intersect
• Under the arm – at the side of the body, approximately 4 in below the armpit
• After the underarm, go back to the top of the head to finish your last taps there

If the phrase is too long, you can use reminder shortened phrases. If your setup phrase is, “Even though I feel stress, I deeply and completely accept myself.” your reminder phrase can be, “This stress.” Recite this phrase at each tapping point. Repeat this sequence two or three times.

STEP 4: Retest the Intensity of the Issue

At the end of your tapping sequence, rate your intensity level on a scale from 0 to 10. Compare results with your initial intensity level. If you haven’t reached 0, repeat this process until you feel a difference. It could take multiple attempts for some people to feel the difference. If the intensity level has decreased, you can take another issue from your initial list to work on.

Although tapping can be performed on your own, a qualified EFT practitioner may help you further in learning and understanding tapping techniques for more serious problems.

It’s unbelievable that such simple tapping and phrasing could have such significant impacts on our mental and physical wellbeing. Many schools around the world are starting to implement EFT programs to better equip students with the coping skills to face adolescent challenges and other environmental stressors. No matter how small the problem, taking early care of stress is essential to our wellness. Give EFT tapping a try next time you feel stressed!

If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!
→ Looking to improve your mental health? Try the SELFMIND app FREE for a week!

Image : Unsplash
Reference:

Anthony, K. (2018, September 18). EFT Tapping. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/eft-tapping#research


Bach, D., Groesbeck, G., Stapleton, P., Sims, R., Blickheuser, K., & Church, D. (2019). Clinical EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Improves Multiple Physiological Markers of Health. Journal of Evidence-Based Integrative Medicine, 24, 2515690X1882369. https://doi.org/10.1177/2515690×18823691


Church, D. (2010). The Effect of EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) on Athletic Performance: A Randomized Controlled Blind Trial. The Open Sports Sciences Journal, 2(1), 94–99. https://doi.org/10.2174/1875399×00902010094


Church, D., Hawk, C., Brooks, A. J., Toukolehto, O., Wren, M., Dinter, I., & Stein, P. (2013). Psychological Trauma Symptom Improvement in Veterans Using Emotional Freedom Techniques. The Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease, 201(2), 153–160. https://doi.org/10.1097/nmd.0b013e31827f6351


Clond, M. (2016). Emotional Freedom Techniques for Anxiety. The Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease, 204(5), 388–395. https://doi.org/10.1097/nmd.0000000000000483


DİNCER, B., ÖZÇELİK, S. K., ÖZER, Z., & BAHÇECİK, N. (2020). Breathing therapy and emotional freedom techniques on public speaking anxiety in XXX nursing students: A randomized controlled study. EXPLORE, . https://doi.org/10.1016/j.explore.2020.11.006


Jasubhai, D. S., & Mukundan, P. C. R. (2018). Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Emotional Freedom Technique in Reducing Anxiety and Depression in Indian Adults. International Journal of Emergency Mental Health and Human Resilience, 20(2), . https://doi.org/10.4172/1522-4821.1000403


Leonard, J. (2019, September 26). A guide to EFT tapping. Medical News Today. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/326434


Nelms, J. A., & Castel, L. (2016). A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis of Randomized and Nonrandomized Trials of Clinical Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) for the Treatment of Depression. EXPLORE, 12(6), 416–426. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.explore.2016.08.001


Stapleton, P., Church, D., Sheldon, T., Porter, B., & Carlopio, C. (2013). Depression Symptoms Improve after Successful Weight Loss with Emotional Freedom Techniques. ISRN Psychiatry, 2013, 1–7. https://doi.org/10.1155/2013/573532

The post Reduce Stress Right Now – EFT Tapping for Emotional Relief appeared first on SELF MIND.

Different Types of Stressful Goodbyes

According to the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, which is a widely used scale to measure stress across the world, “death of a spouse” scores the highest on stressfulness. The scale looks at stressful life events with how much they affect individual health, and scores these life events based on “live change units (LCU)”, which indicate the weight a particular event carries on one’s stress levels. The higher the LCU, the larger the impact. In a study conducted across 5,000 patients, the following results were found for the topmost stressful goodbyes:
*The number in brackets indicates the LCU score.

1: Death of a spouse (100)
2: Divorce (73)
3: Marital separation (65)
4: Imprisonment (63)
5: Death of a close family member (63)

Four out of the top five stressors are “bereavement” or “separation” from close relatives, indicating that becoming separated from a loved one is a major stressor. Furthermore, there are differences in the stress and symptoms between separation by death and separation by breakups.

Separation by Death

A study of 40 bereaved people in the United States reported that most of them experienced depressed mood one month after the loss. The main symptoms are as follows:

• Loss of appetite
• Weightloss
• Poor sleep
• Waking up throughout the night
• Sleep disturbances (such as waking up too early)
• Shedding tears
• Fatigue
• Loss of interest in one’s surroundings
• Restlessness
• Sense of guilt

The reality is that many people who have experienced stressful goodbyes through death suffer from symptoms such as the above. According to the above survey, many of them particularly feel a strong sense of guilt, wondering if there was anything they could have done to prevent the loss, or what they could have done differently. This is different from the “guilt” felt by depressed people due to loss of self-esteem, or the “guilt of having committed a crime” felt by criminals, and is very harmful to those who have experienced bereavement.

Moreover, separation by death can be predictable, or unpredictable. The death of a loved one from illness or old age can be somewhat prepared for emotionally. On the other hand, the sudden death of a close person who you thought you could talk to any time, and whose presence in your life you took for granted, can cause immense emotional damage and a sense of loss. In order to avoid falling into a state of depression, including feelings of guilt, it is essential that the bereaved are not isolated and that they have the support of those around them who are devoted to them during these times of stressful goodbyes.

Separation by Breakup (Divorce or Heartbreak)

There are many possible cases of stressful goodbyes through breakups, including divorce, heartbreak, or separation due to moving away. Of these, the stress caused by divorce, which is ranked second in the Holmes and Rehe stress scale, differs in the type of stress felt before and after the divorce itself. The main types of stress felt before divorce are as follows:

• Whether or not to get the divorce: The feeling of wasting one’s marriage
• Inability to reach an agreement: The wife (or husband) wants the divorce, but the husband (or wife) does not consent
• Disagreement on terms: Can’t come to an agreement on property division, alimony, etc.
• Divorce mediation and lawsuits: These are expensive, time-consuming, and cumbersome procedures.

On the other hand, some of the types of stress experienced after the divorce are as follows:

• Loneliness: A sense of loss, and having lost the person you could turn to in times of sickness or unforseen circumstances
• Change in the environment: Changes in lifestyle such as moving house or changing jobs as a result of the divorce
• Dissatisfaction with the terms: Unhappy about the outcomes, in terms of money, parental custody, etc.
• Opinions of others: Feeling as if those around you are not sympathetic to your situation

Many people suffer from the above-mentioned types of stress, which often interfere with their daily lives, manifesting as insomnia, loss of appetite, or lack of concentration. Furthermore, some studies have reported that divorce lowers the immune system, making people more susceptible to physical and mental illnesses, as well as increasing the risk of getting into car accidents.

It is up to us to prevent ourselves from letting negative thoughts take over and make us sick, or become distracted and endanger ourselves as a result of stressful goodbyes. For this reason, it is important to diffuse negative thoughts as much as possible and avoid accumulating stress by talking to someone you can trust or keeping yourself busy with something you are passionate about.

By the way, our app “SELF MIND” contains many helpful tips for dealing with stress and stressful goodbyes. If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!

Ways of Coping with Heartbreak

Breaking up with your romantic partner or experiencing heartbreak through an unrequited crush are also types of stressful goodbyes that should not be taken lightly. In Japan, according to the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare in 2018, suicides due to depression are most common among people in their 20s, with the most common motive being heartbreak. Many people in their 30s and 40s have also taken their own lives due to similar motivations, and the presumed reason for this is that people lose the will to fall in love as they age, or they are driven to this extreme action through damaged pride and sense of self-doubt.

Let us now take a look at “interpersonal stress coping”. Interpersonal stress coping is a coping method used to reduce the stress caused by interpersonal relationships. There are three main types of interpersonal stress coping: regretted coping, rejected coping, and avoidant coping. An experiment was conducted to measure the stress response of university students by applying each type of coping to cases of heartbreak.

• Regretted coping: Regret towards your separation from the object of heartbreak.
• Rejected coping: Resentment towards the object of heartbreak, or deliberately trying to forget about them.
• Avoidant coping: Positive interpretation of the heartbreak, replacement with another love interest, finding distractions, etc.

The results showed that “regretted coping” and “rejected coping” tended to increase the stress response and delay recovery because people were too conscious of the other person as a negative entity. On the other hand, “avoidant coping” was found to be more effective since the subject interpreted their lost love in a positive way and were less likely to experience stress reactions.

Accepting the time you spent in love in a positive way can give you hope for the future, and starting a new relationship can help you make up for the stressful goodbyes experienced through the loss of love. In addition, distractions can help you to vent your thoughts and recover from a broken heart. This type of avoidant coping, which could be referred to as “heartbreak coping” is an effective method that can help you recover from the pain of heartbreak more quickly.

Maintaining a Healthy Mind in Stressful Goodbyes

Separation from someone you were close to can be a significant cause of stress. Moreover, if the stressful goodbyes are sudden, they will leave their mark as a strong negative experience, and may even develop into trauma.

Of all the stressful goodbyes, the most impactful stress response on one’s health is the sense of loss. As mentioned above, when something that we took for granted is no longer around us, we feel loneliness like a gaping hole in our hearts. In order to alleviate this feeling, it is important to maintain a sense of gratitude on a daily basis. By feeling and expressing gratitude toward your spouse, parents, romantic partner, and friends, you can strengthen the recognition that they are important to you, no longer taking their presence for granted.

Humans are creatures of habit. While habituation is one of the most important factors that lead to improved performance and personal appeal, it also makes it difficult to adapt to changing situations, causing us to become distracted. Gratitude is something you can start practicing now. Being grateful and compassionate to those around you is essential for maintaining a healthy mind.

→ Looking to improve your mental health? Try the SELF MIND app FREE for 1 week!
If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!

Image: Unsplash
References:
Clayton, P. J. (2007). Bereavement. In Encyclopedia of Stress (pp. 317-323). Elsevier Inc. doi: 10.1016/B978-012373947-6.00053-2

Kato, T. (2005). The Relationship Between Coping with Stress Due to Romantic Break-Ups and Mental Health. Japanese Journal of Social Psychology 20(3), 171-180. doi: 10.14966/jssp.KJ00003724999

Kawano, T. (1993). Diseases After Bereavement: Bereavement Stress and Health Disorders. Shinshin-Igaku, 33(1), 35-38. doi: 10.15064/jjpm.33.1_35

Tsukawaki, R. (2014). Types of Romantic Breakups and Stress-Coping Styles on Stress and Recovery Period After Breakup. Bulletin of the Psychological Counseling Center, 10, 23-27.

The post Stressful Goodbyes: How Heartbreak Affects Our Health appeared first on SELF MIND.

Have You Watched the Inside Out movie?

Inside Out (2015) is an animation film produced by Disney, with an accessible insight into our mental process of emotions. Developed under the guidance of psychologist Dacher Keltner, the film contains a lot of scientific basis in how the brain processes emotions. There are 5 anthropomorphic characters that represent our core emotions – Joy, Sadness, Anger, Disgust, and Fear. In the Inside Out movie, all humans have a version of these emotions inside of their brain. The story, however, follows a human character named Riley and her emotion characters.

The Inside Out movie may seem like a children’s film at first glance. However, the story can teach anyone at any age about the complexity of emotions and the fundamentals of emotional intelligence. The film is surprisingly accurate about our emotional developments from a cognitive, developmental, and clinical psychology aspect. It was perceived so well in the field of mental health, some journals have even been published on the topic. (See: Why patients and doctors should watch Inside Out.)

Below we’ll discuss some lessons we can learn from watching the Inside Out movie and how we can apply them to better regulate our own emotions. Furthermore, we will explore how to reduce stress through incorporating different understandings of our emotions.

Emotional Regulation Lessons from The Inside Out Movie

Anthropomorphic Thinking

A research inspired by the Inside Out movie explored anthropomorphic thinking – thinking of emotions as their own people – and how it influences our behavior. Scientists asked all participants in a study to recall their saddest moments in life. The group was then split into two, where one group was asked to write down what their sadness would be like if it were a person, while the other was asked to write the emotional impact and effects of this sadness. The group that anthropomorphized their sadness reported lower levels of sadness after the writing exercise. They then asked all the participants to make consumer choices for a meal and a computer for themselves. The group that anthropomorphized their sadness was able to make healthier choices for food and more practical choices for their computers instead of an indulgent choice.

Researchers believe that decreased sadness leads to better self-control when making decisions. Furthermore, they believe this leads to healthier choices when looking for how to reduce stress. The study suggests that “anthropomorphizing sadness may be a new way to regulate emotion”, as it makes us feel better and helps us resist temptation. On the other hand, when researchers asked participants to anthropomorphize happiness, it actually lead to lower levels of happiness. Therefore, not all emotions are recommended for this method.

Clashing Emotions in the Inside Out Movie

We all have moments where we want to block certain inconvenient and less pleasant emotions. At one point in the Inside Out movie, the emotion character Joy tries to block Sadness. This leads to the main character, Riley, completely shutting down emotionally. The film not only addresses sadness, but also other discomforting emotions such as disgust, fear, and anger. It then goes onto highlight the important roles these emotions play as an integral part of our life experience. For example, disgust keeps us safe by avoiding potential harm (poison, etc.), fear allows us to take precautions, and anger acts as a means to express frustrations and defend ourselves. These negative emotions can be hard to embrace because we associate them with being negative. However, the Inside Out movie teaches us to embrace these emotions too.

Mindfully Embrace ALL Emotions

When we’re developing emotions, it can be hard to understand healthy coping methods or how to reduce stress. This can be especially true in our teenage phase of development. A common regulation strategy is “emotional suppression”, which is to suppress certain unwanted emotions. However, experts believe this can lead to anxiety and depression. Instead, we need to learn how to validate all emotions, the good and the bad. For example in the Inside Out movie, after trying to block Sadness, Joy tries to shift the brain’s emotional responses to exclusively positive ones. Research actually finds this method to sometimes increase depressive feelings. In the end, the film shows the acceptance of sadness as an emotion that is also as important as other positive feelings.

Experts describe this acceptance as “mindfully embracing” an emotion. This means to objectively observe our own emotions without judgment nor dramatic reaction. This allows us to create space for a healthy response to better deal with our situation. Once we embrace even the seemingly negative, we can fuel those emotions towards positive growth. For example, recognizing sadness can help us develop empathy and strengthen relationships. It can even provide us with insights on how to reduce stress, if we understand how to embrace our feelings properly. For example, in the Inside Out movie, Joy learns to recognize that Sadness is behind feelings of empathy and regret. Both of these feelings prove to be very important throughout Riley’s emotional journey in the Inside Out movie.

Understanding Emodiversity Through the Inside Out Movie

Emodiversity – emotional diversity – is our ability to experience a diverse range of emotions in fairly equal measures. Once we start embracing all of our emotions, we become capable of experiencing emodiversity. The Inside Out movie shows this as the character Joy learns to accept that all emotions, positive or negative, have an important role in Riley’s life. By the end of the Inside Out movie, all emotions are working in harmony. A 2014 study with 37,000 respondents revealed that people who experience “emodiversity”, or a rich array of both positive and negative emotions, demonstrate better mental and physical health. An appropriate emotional journey, as well as finding how to reduce stress in a healthy manner, are what we need to achieve higher levels of happiness. Just as the saying goes, “variety is the spice of life.”

According to this study, the more emotions we feel for a particular situation, the more detailed understanding and perspectives we gain. As a result, this leads to better behavioral choices and potential greater happiness. Researchers also found that people high in emodiversity were less likely to be depressed than people high in positive emotion alone. In terms of physical health, a second study pointed out that emodiversity leads to less medication use, lower health care costs, fewer doctor visits, better diet, more exercise, and better smoking habits. Surprisingly, the effect of emodiversity on physical health is proven strong.

As we can see, enriched emotions are vital to our well-being and seeking how to reduce stress in a healthy manner. If you’d like to know where you stand on the scale of emodiversity, you can try a test at Emodiversity.org to see where you’re at.

Watching the Inside Out Movie from a New Perspective

Cultivating self-awareness regarding our emotions is vital for emotional regulation and finding how to reduce stress appropriately. The Inside Out movie teaches us a few important tips on how we can better regulate these emotions. First, anthropomorphizing our emotions helps our negative emotions feel less intense and give us better self-control. Second, mindfully embracing all of our emotions, even the negative, allows us to avoid emotional suppression and helps us grow and deal with situations in a healthier manner. Third, fully feeling our authentic emotions through emodiversity can be beneficial for us both mentally and physically. Understanding and embracing these lessons will help us become a better version of ourselves, as well as finding healthy ways to relieve stress regularly, leading to a happier and healthier lifestyle.

Never considered Inside Out as more than a children’s movie? It’s time to watch or rewatch it again from a mental regulation standpoint. You might be pleasantly surprised to find more insights and tips that go beyond what this article covers!

Image: Unsplash
Reference:

A new strategy to alleviate sadness: Bring the emotion to life: Researchers show how characters from the movie “Inside Out” hold the key to regulating emotions and behavior. (2019, October 3). ScienceDaily. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/10/191003103515.htm


Chen, F., Chen, R. P., & Yang, L. (2019). When Sadness Comes Alive, Will It Be Less Painful? The Effects of Anthropomorphic Thinking on Sadness Regulation and Consumption. Journal of Consumer Psychology, 30(2), 277–295. https://doi.org/10.1002/jcpy.1137


Docter, Pete. (Director). (2015). Inside Out [Film]. Walt Disney Pictures Pixar Animation Studios


Four Lessons from “Inside Out” to Discuss With Kids. (2015, July 14). Greater Good. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/four_lessons_from_inside_out_to_discuss_with_kids


How the GGSC Helped Turn Pixar “Inside Out.” (2015, June 19). Greater Good. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_ggsc_turned_pixar_inside_out


Keltner, D., Oatley, K., & Jenkins, J. M. (2018). Understanding Emotions (4th ed.). Wiley.


Quoidbach, J., Gruber, J., Mikolajczak, M., Kogan, A., Kotsou, I., & Norton, M. I. (2014). Emodiversity and the emotional ecosystem. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 143(6), 2057–2066. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0038025


Variety is the Spice of Emotional Life. (2014, December 22). Greater Good. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/variety_is_the_spice_of_emotional_life

The post How to Reduce Stress Instantly – The Inside Out Movie appeared first on SELF MIND.

Pandemic Depression Symptoms During COVID-19

Throughout the pandemic, there have been numerous reports on varying symptoms:

・Poor sleep
・Poor appetite
・Prolonged low moods
・Difficulties going to work or school
・Lack of motivation in work, studies, or housework
・Diminished focus leading to increased mistakes
・Diminished enjoyment in previously fun activities
・Increased consumption of alcohol or tobacco products

There are many other symptoms, but in general, the more of these symptoms that apply, the higher the risk of developing depression.

Excessive worry and overcautiousness can also cause additional stress. In a study across the elderly population in Japan, one woman reported that she wakes up many times throughout the night to make sure her sense of smell is still functional. She lost her job due to the spread of COVID-19, and when she finally found a new job, she was nervous about whether or not she was infected before her first day of work.

Many of us have become more sensitive to the little things, more easily irritated, and more short-tempered. This pandemic has changed our lives so drastically. The challenges in adapting to these new circumstances could manifest into increased sensitivities to what we were okay with previously. This is why we could be much more susceptible to depression than usual.

3 Ways to Prevent Pandemic Depression

Regular stress relief becomes essential to avoid pitfalls into depression. Below are three useful techniques for relieving stress.

1. Write Down Anxieties

Write down all fears and worries that come to mind on a piece of paper. Then, divide them into two groups of “resolvable” and “unresolvable.”
The COVID-19 pandemic is something that no one could have predicted. Sometimes there are limitations to what we can resolve under these unforeseen circumstances beyond our control. Make the decision to let go of what cannot be fixed and focus on what’s possible. Organizing these thoughts will help calm the mind because it visually clarifies our fears. Once we’re clear on our next steps towards bettering a situation, our follow up action will help combat these depressive states.

An easy stress relief method similar to this is the “negativity trash can” technique. It’s as simple as writing down the negativity we feel and physically throwing it away. It can be practiced simultaneously, so give it a try as well!

2. Journaling to Create Healthy Routine Habits

Keeping a daily journal is known to improve mental health. Journaling helps reconsider the way we live our lives and assists in stabilizing healthier routine habits. This can serve as a deterrent to excessive drinking, mild addictions, and binge eating.

A color-coded format for journaling is encouraged. For example, we can categorize by color:

• Black ink for work-related
• Blue ink for family relationships
• Yellow ink for personal matters
• Red ink for health-related

This way, it’s easier to reflect and reevaluate the activities we go through and develop alternative ways to make improvements.

3. Exercise

The spread of COVID-19 has made it challenging to communicate in person. As a result, many of us have fewer opportunities for physical activity.

Here’s an interesting study result. A large cohort study in the United Kingdom in 2020 found that people who walked slower had about a 66% higher risk of contracting COVID-19 than those who walked faster. It’s still unclear what the causal relationship is between walking speed and the risk of infection. Yet, studies have shown that walking speed is closely related to aerobic capacity. People with high aerobic capacity are reported to have higher respiratory, circulatory, and immune function, which suggests that people with slower walking speed may be more susceptible to infection due to lower levels of these functions,

Physical exercise is known to help with depression and improve our mental state. A lack of exercise can lead to various adverse effects, such as hormone imbalance and sleep disturbances. As we spend more time indoors, we need to find creative solutions to keep ourselves physically active while maintaining social distance regulations.

Surviving Pandemic Depression with an AI Counseling App

Unlike physical discomforts, mental discomforts are much more difficult to recognize. If discomforts persist and you still feel “off,” don’t be afraid to ask for help. The special circumstances and restrictions under COVID-19 can quickly cultivate a state of isolation and depressive moods. Make sure to communicate with family and friends by phone, email, and social media. Don’t be afraid to reach out to a specialist if support is necessary. There are plenty of online counseling services and medications available, so don’t hesitate to consult a doctor.

However, some people may feel uncomfortable talking to friends, family, or a counselor. For such people, we recommend an artificial intelligence (AI) counseling app. In the era we live in now, an AI can easily provide personalized counseling and support our daily journey towards bettering our mental health. Since it’s an AI app, there’s no fear of judgment, and we can seek help anytime, anywhere, whenever the need arises. SELFMIND is a fantastic AI counseling app if you’re facing mental struggles and have no one to talk to.

Let’s make sure we care for our mental health as we survive through this pandemic and navigate through the mental pitfalls.

If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!
→ Looking to improve your mental health? Try the SELFMIND app FREE for a week!

Image: Unsplash
Reference:
Kimura, M., Ojima, T., & Kondou, K. (2020). Implications for Older People’s Lifestyle During the Coronavirus Disease (COVID-19) Pandemic: The Japan Gerontological Evaluation Study (JAGES). Japanese Journal of Health & Research, 41, 3-13.  doi:10.32279/jjhr.20200602

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4 Ways to Cope Through Stress Relief Humor

Humor is a word with a diverse concept that can be viewed in a myriad of ways.

Humor is an elusive and multifaceted concept that includes wit, laughter, joking, comedy, kidding, teasing, clowning, mimicking, satire, and freak enjoyment of the imperfect.

Robinson, V.M. (1978), University of Manchester

Humor, the capacity to express or perceive what’s funny, is both a source of entertainment and a means of coping with difficult or awkward situations and stressful events.

Martin, A. (2006), University of Western Ontario

As described by experts in the field above, humor refers to expression and communication we regard as funny or amusing. Furthermore, if we delve deeper, humor can be classified into four main categories: aggressive humor, affiliative humor, self-defeating humor, and self-enhancing humor. Each of these types of humor plays a different role in our coping mechanism.

1. Aggressive Humor

Aggressive humor is typically aimed towards others, primarily through sarcasm and teasing. This category of humor may also include tongue-in-cheek, satire, dark humor, and ridicule, all of which have cathartic effects or induce a sense of superiority. While it can come off as negative because it attacks or slanders others, it can definitely work if there’s a strong psychological bond. To someone close, it could send an indirect message that says, “I feel close enough to make fun of you”. This can actually be comforting, especially to a good friend. Of course, depending on how and when you use this type of humor, it may hurt others, so proceed with caution.

2. Affiliative Humor

Affiliative humor refers to puns, wordplay, and other forms of humor that are mainly playful and trivial. Humor can be playful when the motivation is to create a jovial atmosphere, entertain, or when the subject stays light-hearted. Affiliative humor can effectively lighten the mood when we need a change. Unlike aggressive humor, anyone can use affiliative humor regardless of the degree of relationship.

3. Self-Defeating Humor

Self-defeating humor refers to the type of self-deprecating jokes in which we reprimand ourselves through belittling, undervaluing, or excessive modesty. Above all, this kind of humor has the potential to make positive impressions and build smooth relationships. However, excessive self-deprecation risks the development of low self-esteem and diminished happiness in the person making the jokes. At a glance, it may seem beneficial for you to pose as the main target of humor, because it does not hurt anyone, nor would it risk your relationships. However, we must keep in mind that excessive self-mockery can be destructive, and we should be careful how we use it.

4. Self-Enhancing Humor

Self-enhancing humor is expressed through self-objectification, usually targeting yourself to create humor in a good-natured way. For example, laughing at your own failure is good for health because it can turn potential stress into a positive factor. At a glance, it may sound similar to self-defeating humor, but it differs in the sense that it doesn’t attack self-esteem. Let’s look at an example of humor from the perspective of a person who is not confident about their appearance.

・Self-defeating humor: “I’ve never been complimented by anyone before, but yesterday I went to the hospital with a sprained ankle, and the doctor said, “The arch of your foot is exquisite.” The only thing about me worth complimenting is the arch of my foot!”
・Self-enhancing humor: “I’ve never been complimented by anyone before, but yesterday I went to the hospital with a sprained ankle, and the doctor said, “The arch of your foot is exquisite.” That was my first ever compliment about my foot! I’m glad I sprained my ankle.”

As you can see, self-enhancing humor takes a positive outlook overall.

Self-enhancing humor also requires a certain level of calmness to view things objectively and to gain further insight. This form of stress relief humor also prevents us from losing our minds from hopelessness, difficulties, and failure. Therefore, this kind of humor restores a sense of normalcy and is the most effective form of comedy as a coping mechanism.

Comedy as a Coping Mechanism in Stress Relief Humor

As you can see, there are many different types of humor, but not everyone can use humor effectively. Some people may find it difficult to come up with a witty response on the spot. If so, just engaging in a humorous conversation, environment, or event is sufficient to help us relax and relieve stress.

Many studies indicate that humor is effective in stress relief. For example, nurses at a hospital found that they can alleviate symptoms of delirium (a mental disorder with delusions and hallucinations) by communicating with the patient through humorous gestures. Similarly, humor and comedy have been drawing attention as a coping mechanisms to manage stress and regulate our mental health. Thus, we can simply say or act upon jokes to lighten a situation, reduce stress, and combat depression.

For some, humor is used as an ice-breaker to relieve tension on the first encounter with someone; and for others, simply laughing together with close friends and family can be effective in relieving stress. In other words, there are many different ways we can share what we find humorous, depending on our personalities and culture.

Find Humor in Life Every Day

Laughter is an essential element in maintaining our mental health every day. Moreover, medically speaking, laughter boosts the immune system and can even help prevent physical ailments, including cancer.

Laughter and humor brighten up our lives. Therefore, let’s try to incorporate more humor in our lives – make casual jokes out of your own mistakes, come up with a funny analogy, or try to engage with someone who has a good sense of humor. In this way, regular exposure to humor and laughter will surely help relieve some stress!

If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!
→ Looking to improve your mental health? Try the SELFMIND app FREE for a week!

References:

Hayama, D., & Sakurai, S. (2005). A Review of the Moderating Effect of Humor on Stress. Tsukuba Psychological Research (30), 87-97

Ishihara, S. (2015). The Effects of Humor Coping with Interpersonal Stress on Psychological Health. Bulletin of Human Science (36), 67-77.

Kunugimoto, N., & Yamasaki, M. (2011). The Effect of Humor Coping with Interpersonal Stress on the Relationship Between Cynical Hostility, Conscious Defensiveness, and Depression. The Japanese Journal of Psychology 82(1), 9-15. doi: 10.4992/jjpsy.82.9
Martin, R. A. (2006). The Psychology of Humor: An Integrative Approach (1st ed.). London, United Kingdom: Academic Press.

Miyashiro, K., & Tomita, M. (2019). The Uses of Aggressive Humor for the Relations with their Friends in College Students. Japanese Cognitive Science Society: 36th Annual Proceedings, 2-25.

Robinson, V.M. (1978). Humor in Nursing. In C. E. Carlson & B. Blackwell (Authors), Behavioral Concepts and Nursing Intervention (2nd ed.) (pp. 191-210). Philadelphia, Pennsylvania: Lippincott.

Tsukawaki, R., Fukada, H., & Higuchi, M. (2011). Process Effects of Expression of Humor on Anxiety and Depression. The Japanese Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 51(1), 43-51. doi: 10.2130/jjesp.51.43

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What is “Burnout”?

Burnout (or sometimes referred to as “blow out”) is a persistent state of lethargy with a loss of mental and physical energy. It is not the name of an official psychiatric diagnosis, but a type of stress reaction that occurs as a result of stress. There are many well-respected people who used to work hard, but lost their motivation only to be forced to leave their jobs as if they have “lost fire”. Initially, experts believed burnout was more common amongst workers in the service sector, such as medical care and education. However, in today’s world where many people are under excessive stress, people in a wide range of occupations (not just in the service sector), are at risk of becoming burnt out.

Symptoms of a Burnout

One of the main symptoms of burnout (or blow out) is “emotional exhaustion”. Emotional exhaustion is a state of weariness caused by stressful interpersonal relationships, being too busy, or by the gap between one’s ideals and reality. This symptom is also linked to other manifestations of burnout, such as “depersonalization”, a disconnected or detached sense of feeling from one’s self and emotional acts, or “diminished personal accomplishments”, the lost sense of fulfillment and competence.

How is it Different from Depression?

Burnout is sometimes considered to be a form of depression because the symptoms of depressed mood and lethargy manifest in a similar way to depression. However, there is a lot of controversy about equating burnout with depression, as burnout has been studied primarily in the field of psychology, while depression has been studied primarily in the field of medicine.

While the cause of depression can be all kinds of stresses in life, burnouts most likely occur due to workplace stress. Recent studies have established a checklist of items to measure the level of burnout in the workplace. If you can relate to many items on the list below, you are at a higher risk becoming burnt out.

Susceptible Characteristics for Burnouts

Burnout is often referred to as a “disease that strikes people who have a sense of purpose and idealism.” People tend to be at a higher risk of burnout if they are dedicated to their work and are attentive to their surroundings. In particular, people with a strong sense of perfectionism and responsibility possess a higher risk of burning out because of the mental stress experienced when faced with a different reality.

To prevent becoming burnt out, it is important to separate ourselves from our duties and obligations. Although in the midst of constant daily stress, it is no easy task to maintain a healthy mindset through personal efforts alone.

How to Prevent Burnouts

Burnout is not just about personal qualities; environmental factors are also deeply related to the phenomenon. Overbearing amounts of work, one-sided communication from the higher-ups, and tasking underqualified workers are all environmental issues that increase the risk of burnouts as well as a variety of stress-related illnesses. To prevent burnouts, we need to re-evaluate our work environment and look for ways to improve.

For example, it’s helpful to ask these questions in the workplace:

• Are my personal workload and emotional burdens overbearing?
• Is the work appropriate for my qualifications?
• Is there interactive communication taking place on both ends?

Constant review and improvements of the above points are an effective way to prevent burnouts.

When You Find Yourself Burnt Out

So what can we do to regain our energy again when we actually fall into a burnout?

The first step is to notice the problems we face. People who are prone to burnout tend to strive for perfection. This makes it difficult for them to recognize their problems. To get an accurate picture of the condition, it’s helpful to seek advice from family, close friends, and supervisors. After we understand our situation, we need to take time away from the source of our stress to question our values. For example, if work is the reason for burnout, a leave of absence or a short separation from work can be the best way to recover.

Not an End, But a New Beginning

According to one study, of the 20 people who recovered from burnout due to a leave of absence, only one returned to the same job. The other 19 people chose to leave their previous careers and rediscover their value in a new environment. It takes courage to change your lifestyle, but taking a step toward a new environment without fear may be the key to avoiding a repeat of burnout. In that sense, being burnt out is not a dead end with nowhere to turn, but rather a starting point for a new career.

No Need to Give 100%

In general, people with good work ethics and attention to detail are considered “excellent” and “respectable”. However, in the real world, no one is perfect all the time. No matter how good a person is considered to be, they can’t always do 100%. Some days may be 80%, whereas some days may be 45%, and that’s okay!

There will also be moments of happiness within these days that aren’t our best. Even if our day’s efforts end up around 30%, there will still be times where family, friends, and hobbies will fulfill us. Try to avoid getting caught up in your ideals. Allowing imperfections and maintaining a relaxed state will help avoid burnouts.

→ Looking to improve your mental health? Try the SELF MIND app FREE for 1 week!
If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!

References:

Irie, M. (2017). Burnout and Depression. Journal of Health Science, 39, 41-47. doi: 10.15017/1800858

Kubo, M. (2007). Burnout – Stress in Human Service Jobs. The Japanese Journal of Labour Studies, 49(1), 54-64.

Mind Tools Content Team (n.d.). Burnout Self-Test: – Are You at Risk? Retrieved October 30, 2020, from https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTCS_08.htm

The post Burnout or Depression? What to Do When You’re Burnt Out appeared first on SELF MIND.

What Kind of Tears are Effective?

There are several types of tears when we talk about tears. For one, there is the basic functional tear called the basal tears. These are tears that are constantly released to keep the eyes from drying up. The second type is reactive tears. These tears are produced when the eye is stimulated through dust getting into the eye, or when we cut onions. Finally, emotional tears. These tears are considered to be effective in relieving stress.
Note that reactive tears from cutting onions don’t help with stress-relief because it doesn’t accompany any emotion.

Why is Crying Good for Us?

Emotional tears are released in large quantities through the tear glands when a person feels deeply moved. Our autonomic nervous system has both sympathetic and parasympathetic nerves, and it’s generally believed that a sympathetic-dominant state promotes tension and stress, while a parasympathetic-dominant state allows the brain to relax. Tearful responses are triggered when our minds are stimulated through emotions of sadness, frustration, or feeling deeply moved. Shedding these emotional tears relaxes the sympathetic nervous system, instantly creating a state of parasympathetic dominance.

In general, we should cope with stress through mental and physical resting, so that our parasympathetic nervous system gradually switches into a dominant state for natural relaxation. To effectively do this, it usually requires meditation and self-reflect or the use of methods that help switch mind states like aromatherapy. In comparison, our tears can effectively switch the nervous system into a parasympathetic-dominant state in an instant. Our tears can instantly reset any stress that the mind is carrying.

How to Hold Proactive Cry Sessions

The stress-relieving effects of crying have attracted a lot of attention in recent years, especially in Japan. A new activity called “Rui-katsu” (literally “tear activity”) is emerging where people are encouraged to shed tears together to manage their mental wellbeing. Rui-katsu group cry sessions are held across the country gathering people under various stresses. They watch emotional movies and talk about sad stories with each other to trigger tears.

Of course, there’s no need to attend a public cry session event in order to shed stress-relieving tears. Below we’ll share tips on how to cry and stress relief at the comfort of your home.

Sympathize Through Stories

Stress-relief can be more effective when we cry and sympathize with compassion for what others are going through – like when we invest in a movie character or story plot. This is supposed to be better than crying for our own negative experiences and emotions of anger or sadness. Events that are not directly related to us doesn’t require any difficult action from our side to resolve the situation. This is why we feel more refreshed and exhilarated after shedding tears for others because, in the end, the character’s problem is not ours to solve. Try to hold a self-cry session through the power of tear-jerker movies!

Find What Triggers The Tears

People who generally lack opportunities for tears may find it difficult to cry through typical movies that strike our heartstrings. Some people are easily moved by sports games, while others are easily moved by the innocence of animals or children. Knowing what moves your heart and what stimulates a natural tear flow is essential in crying more efficiently, and holding personal cry sessions.

Create an Environment to Focus on Crying

If crying in front of others or holding cry sessions aren’t your thing, create an environment where you feel safe to cry alone without concern. Prepare tissues and handkerchiefs or have a cushion or stuffed animal to hold onto. It may be difficult to concentrate on a movie or TV series when our body is tired and deprived of sleep. When we engage in cry sessions, we want to make sure that we’re ready in terms of physical condition and environment so we can concentrate.

Wash Away Stress Through Tears

People today are under a lot of daily stress due to complex relationships and social anxiety. If we are exposed to excessive stress and do not have a way to relieve it, the accumulated stress may eventually lead to serious mental conditions such as depression. It’s beneficial to occasionally return to our childhood state of mind and just wash away our sorrows through crying.

Image: Unsplash
References:
Arita, H. (2007). Rui-Katsu and Stress Relief. Folia Pharmacologica Japonica, 129(2), 99~103. doi: 10.1254/fpj.129.99

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