Negative Experiences are a Part of Life

A Japanese university experimented to see how people socially share their experiences when they see images that evoke unpleasant feelings. When participants were left alone in a waiting room with a friend after seeing the unpleasant images, 95.3% of them told their friends about the images. Even when they were told not to disclose, 53% of them ended up talking about their experience a week later. Our desire to share bad experiences with others is so strong, and we struggle to keep it to ourselves.

In clinical psychology, verbalization of emotions is believed to have a cathartic effect that removes anxiety and tensions. Verbalizing emotions is also linked to better mental health, as it has significant implications for depression recovery. People seem to derive these effects from “cognitive” and “interpersonal” aspects of this behavior, which we will discuss below.

Emotional Support Stabilizes Our Feelings

Tough times can make us feel frustrated and anxious. When these experiences occur, our trust, self-image, perception of others, and the world can be shaken. We all desire to sort out what happened, why it happened, and know what kind of social support we can get. When there’s something out of our control, we feel the need to discuss it with peers so that we can restore our faith again. Receiving the emotional support from our peers makes us feel better about the mistakes we made. These are the “cognitive” reasons we vent our feelings to others.

Staying Connected to Society

When we’re upset, we tend to focus on ourselves and our negative experiences. As a result, we tend to forget about the rest of the world. We try to recover from the loneliness we experience during these times by sharing our negative experiences with friends and family. Our desire to communicate stems from wanting society to know how we’re feeling and to feel accepted through emotional support. This is the “interpersonal” reason why we talk about painful things.

Do We Want to Share Our Embarrassment?

It’s not rare to share the little embarrassing things that we experience. Like when we mess up during a presentation or trip on a flat surface. A Japanese university set to find out if and when students would talk to others about their saddest, angriest, and most embarrassing experiences. Researchers expected results to show that participants seldom shared their embarrassing experiences. However, 71.4 % of participants claimed to share their most embarrassing experiences with others. Also, more than half shared their experience almost immediately after it happened.

Everybody Shares Their Feelings with Others

Sharing feelings is part of our universal behavior. A social study of shared emotional behavior across six countries, including Belgium and Suriname, found no differences by country, age, or gender, in the way that humans shared emotions. Talking about embarrassing or upsetting occurrences seems to be a common phenomenon for men and women of all ages and backgrounds worldwide.

Nevertheless, it can be somewhat stressful for a listener to hear someone’s negative experience, as well as to provide undivided emotional support. It’s wiser to spread your venting among several people rather than dumping everything onto just one person.

Sharing difficult or embarrassing experiences is natural. We should always support our circle of family and friends to help each other get through these experiences.

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Reference:
Kawase, T. (2000). Why We Talk About Our Emotions: Why Do People Talk About Negative Emotions to Others? Bulletin of Miyazaki Municipal University Faculty of Humanities 7(1), 135-149.

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70% of the World’s Population Harbors Trauma

According to an epidemiological survey conducted across 24 countries, the percentage of people who have experienced trauma at least once in their lifetime is 70.4%. That’s how close traumatic experiences are to us. Those who have experienced a traumatic event usually have flashbacks of those memories. Random experiences similar to past contingencies at any moment can lead to negative interpretations and distress.

According to a survey at a Japanese university, more than 90% of the students were aware of the symptoms of trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), but had never properly learned or sought treatment for appropriate stress management. Furthermore, while a single instance of trauma can cause PTSD, repeated exposure to trauma can lead to complex PTSD, with more severe manifestations of symptoms. While most of us are exposed to the idea of trauma and PTSD through media (movies, interviews, and books), only a few of us go on to actually study or seek further knowledge on the topic. With the lack of proper understanding, many people suffer from traumatic memories believing that they’re abnormal or blame themselves for it.

Trauma not only affects the individual but those around them too. For example, a thoughtful person might purposefully avoid topics surrounding their friend’s trauma. However, the trauma survivor may uninterntionally misinterpret this avoidant behavior. As a result, the survivor may end up feeling even more isolated. Mishandled interactions with a trauma survivor can only prolong and exacerbate the effects of trauma.

A Common Trauma Flashback; Bullying

There are many potential causes for traumatic stress, such as natural disasters, accidents, violence, or abuse. A very common cause, however, is bullying.

Bullying is a common threatful occurrence among children, students, and even some adults. Continual physical and psychological bullying leaves significant impacts on the body and mind. In many cases, the victim feels that they are being bullied, but the perpetrator perceives it as a harmless joke or clowning around. This perception gap makes it a challenge to combat bullying. The painful experiences through bullying become deeply ingrained in the brain, recalled as flashbacks under certain conditions. Bullying can trigger stress responses that involve PTSD.

Furthermore, flashbacks can happen at a moment’s notice, even if the survivor’s not aware of their past trauma. Negative flashbacks can trigger by witnessing others go through the same painful experience, or encountering a similar situation. The repetition of this occurrence strengthens the fear of the past, causing more pain within the survivor.

Here are some countermeasures to eliminate flashbacks:

・Write down your feelings when a flashback happens.
・Write down the common triggers for your flashbacks.
・Talk to someone you can trust.
・See a therapist.

As a first step, see if you could try to reduce the frequency of flashbacks and spend less time thinking about the trauma. Deliberate stress management in this way is key in overcoming your past trauma.

Avoidance Can Backfire with Traumatic Stress

For those who have been traumatized, one way to cope is by remembering the trauma on purpose, confronting it, and proactively trying to overcome it. This method helps the survivor conquer their past while building healthy defense mechanisms. Some of us may regard forgetting trauma as a sign of success (i.e. a result of self-discipline). This, however, is a dangerous misunderstanding. “Forgetting” trauma is not necessarily the goal, as the survivor may end up blaming themselves if they ever recall the trauma again.

The natural sensitivity of trauma can lead to more serious problems if not handled correctly. We need to listen to the trauma survivor’s words and “lean in” to get through together.

Avoid Trauma, Complex PTSD, and Other Mental Illnesses

Traumatic experiences are so ingrained in the brain and body, that many people remember even when they want to forget. It’s certainly not easy to overcome. However, it is possible to live a life without any influence from the past. We need to educate and promote a compassionate approach towards trauma and flashbacks, as well as promote healthy methods of stress management. If we can prevent the survivors from withdrawing themselves into isolation, support them as a community and close friend, that will help them recover in a safe and secure environment.

The causes of trauma are different for everyone. It’s important to develop a mutual understanding in order to overcome it. All of us need to see the problems caused by trauma as a community issue, rather than an individual. Providing a community is essential for the trauma survivors to regain their normal lives again. Let’s break down the stigma so that we can all contribute towards a more wholesome and compassionate society.

→ Looking to improve your mental health? Try the SELFMIND app FREE for 1 week!
If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!

Image：Unsprash
References：
Takii, M., Ueda, J., & Tominaga, Y. (2013). Examination of the Difference of Traumatic Event by the Difference in Posttraumatic Stress Reactions, Physical Symptoms, Depressive Symptoms, and Anxiety Sensitivity. Anxiety Disorder Research, 4(1), 10-19. doi: 10.14389/adr.4.10

Kobayashi, E., & Miwa, S. (2013). Comments on Studies about Bullying : About the Definition and Measures. Ibaraki University Studies in Teaching Strategies, (32), 163-174.

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Actively Making Friends

For students entering a new semester, the psychological stress caused by their environmental change weighs heavily.

Will I make new friends?
Will I find a new romantic relationship?
Can I keep up with my studies?
Where will I go with my future career?

There are many things to mull over.

Japanese students entering their freshman year took a sruvery to answer, which parts of their lives they considered most important throughout their university experience. Students who had a positive attitude towards “socializing and friends” overall maintained healthier minds. Talking to and spending time with friends are crucial activities in maintaining good mental health. The key to finding communities that we can fit into, depends on how socially proactive we are. As for college students starting a new life, you can determine your future by directing your energy towards what you envision.

Post-Retirement Isolation and Loneliness

On the other hand, a lack of community is a problem among adults. Many people don’t have places to interact with friends or acquaintances in their personal time. This often becomes even more noticeable during unemployment, or after retirement. Things can turn difficult when retirees realize that their workplace was the only community they had. Many of them had been incapable of physically or mentally connecting outside their workplace. This is due to the fact that most of them worked from morning to night, then spend the rest of the day recuperating alone at home. It sounds inevitable for such people to feel lonely when they lose their only place of community.

Leaving a job not only means having less income, but also a loss of community. Such inconvenience and isolation from society greatly affect the mentality of an unemployed or retired. This can potentially lead to the onset of depression, and sometimes even suicide. For those who work every day, creating a community outside of the workplace takes up a lot of energy. But joining a community and interacting with others is one of the best preventive measures for loneliness and isolation.

Active Listening is the Key to Communication

What kind of person would you like to befriend? Someone with a good personality, easy to talk to, independent, and respectable. An admirable person meets all these traits along with an indispensable skill; the ability to listen to others.

“Active listening” is a wonderful communicative skill that’s widely promoted by managers across companies. Academically, this means to;
・Empathically understand without judgement
・Provide unconditional positive interest
・Stay open, frank, and genuine

In other words, look at things from the perspective of others, empathetically listen to them without judgement, and be sincere with your responses. Active listening doesn’t require a special technique. It’s actually a realistic and practical approcah in encouraging others to become more aware and open to their surroundings as they prosper.

A questionnaire targeted 124 employees that received mental health training from their supervisors. In response to the question, “What content of the training did you find useful for your workplace in the future?”, 63% answered “active listening.” Respondents believed that it was useful in building relationships, interviewing staff, creating an open work culture, and detecting potential mental health disorders. While ‘listening to others’ sounds like the basis of communication, there are surprisingly many people who lack these basic skills. Active listening is an essential skill if you want to build a community where there’s trust and prosperity.

Enrich Your Life With Active Communication

Although positivity can require considerable amounts of effort, it often leads to better mental health. In order to effectively communicate with people with different values, we continuously need to consider ‘why’ the other person thinks the way they do. Through conscious effort, we can eventually fully embody the spirit of active listening as a natural skill. Proactive communication skills will help us enrich our lives with more fulfilling relationships.

Images: Unsplash
References:
Takahashi, M., Morita, S., Ishizu, K. The Influence of Collectivism and Sense of Community to Mental Health : Through an international comparison between Japan, China and Korea. (2010). Bulletin of the Graduate School of Education,the University of Tokyo, 50, 159-179. Retrieved from https://ci.nii.ac.jp/naid/120002924396

Asaoka, S., Igarashi, A. Importance of communication with friends for keeping good mental health in university freshmen (2004).The Japanese Society for the Study of Career Education. 22(2), 11-18. https://doi.org/10.20757/career.22.2_11

Ikegami, K., Tagawa, Y., Mafune, K., Hiro, H., Nagata, S. The Effectiveness of the Mental Health Training including Active Listening for Managers(2008). SANGYO EISEIGAKU ZASSHI. 50(4), 120-127.  https://doi.org/10.1539/sangyoeisei.E7008

Park Yong Koo. Japanese Yonug People’s domestic directivity based on data : comparative analysis between Korea and China.(2016). Journal of East Asian Studies. (14), 251-260. Retrieved from: https://ci.nii.ac.jp/naid/120005767107

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