The Infant Phase

One of the top moments a parent feels stressed is when we don’t understand what their infant is trying to communicate. This is a phase where we also have to deal with our own insecurities and frustrations of not being a pro parent yet.

・Embrace a Child’s Need to Learn From Their Failures

Typically, once an infant can walk, they start making a mess. Sometimes they won’t even listen to what you have to say, and that can be quite frustrating. Oftentimes we try to discipline them right away, but it’s important that we give the child an opportunity to fail and learn on their own.

For example, if your child insists on only wearing a t-shirt in the freezing cold outside, a natural response is to try and teach them to wear a sweater “because they’ll catch a cold.” However, a child that doesn’t understand this will reject the idea. This kind of small rejection leads to frustration for many parents.

When you want to discipline a child, it’s important that they understand the consequences. Instead of telling them what is wrong or right, embrace a child’s failure so that they can learn. In this case, let the child step outside in a t-shirt once so they themselves understand that more layers are needed.

・It’s Okay if You’re Not the “Perfect Parent”

Parents are role models for the children, but that doesn’t mean we all become perfect people once we’re parents. Regardless, we all try to strive for perfection so that we can meet our ideals of what a parent should be. This can cause stress and frustration. It’s important to let go of perfectionism and be okay with not being the “perfect parent.”

Parental demands can be stressful at times. If you’re feeling stressed, ask for help from a partner or family to take some occasional time off. You are your own person before you’re a parent. You should take good care of your mental wellbeing so that you don’t reach a point of boiling frustration.

Remember that you’re on a growth path together with your children and everyone in the family. That should bring a sense of relief.

・Visualize Near-Future Possibilities

No matter how hard we try, there are still unexpected moments where we feel the mental toll of being a parent. If you feel that your frustration might be pointed unfairly towards your partner or child, try to envision the following things:

• He/she is naughty now, but what are the chances that they grow to become someone incredible?
• What would my child be interested in once she/he enters elementary school?
• Would I be able to share the struggles of being a parent once he/she has their own child?

By visualizing a future, you can get away from the present reality for a while and also use the gained motivation to strive forward.

The Child to Teen Phase

The idea of individuality and independence sprouts between the child to teen phase. The parent needs to adapt to the rapid changes that happen during this phase. Otherwise, there will be lots of repetitive clashes that create frustration on both ends.

・Understand That They Are Different From You

Once a child enters elementary school, they become more and more capable of doing things on their own, and individual personalities start to grow.

If you come off as too overbearing during this phase, it will lead to countless arguments and stress. As your child grows, try to grow your own sense of understandings along with them. A healthy acknowledgment, that your child is a different person from you, will create a good sense of mental relief in keeping a healthy relationship.

・Respect Their Individuality

It’s very important to respect a child’s unique individuality.

For example, if a child wants to do other things than study, you might tell them, “Your future happiness depends on how hard you study.” A child may resent the fact that you took away their passion if you stop them forcefully. The rebellious phase is a tricky phase that can easily escalate to lots of arguments and frustrations.

Each person has their own way to value happiness. Even as a parent, you should be very mindful not to push your own values of what happiness means. If you can show respect to the uniqueness that they hold and try to be their support throughout, parenting will become less frustrating.

・Learn How To Better Manage Anger

Anger management is an important tool to self-control the anger that manifests within. If you feel anger arise, the next few actions can help suppress it quickly and effectively.

• Immediately count to 6 on the spot
• Create physical distance between the cause of your anger
• Recall positive memories from the past
• Take a deep breath
• Cook

These are just a few examples of the actions you can take to steer your focus away from anger.

A university study took 4 pairs of parents and asked them to exercise anger management. Results showed that it gave them a rational perspective on their anger and helped curb frustration.

As a child grows, they will become self-aware and disapprove reactionary anger that comes from a parent. The best attitude and practice to have as a parent is to start from within.

Change Your Outlook To Grow Happier Together

If you tend to feel stressed and overwhelmed from the responsibilities of being a parent, all you need is a little shift in your outlook to reduce some of that stress.

It’s also very important that you learn how to take enjoyable breaks through exercise and hobbies. To learn more about ways to relieve parental stress, check out this other post!

Reference：
Matsumoto, M., & Shibayama, K. (2011). Anger Management for Interpersonal Relationship Improvement. Memoirs of the Faculty of Education, Kumamoto University. The Humanities, 60, 153–162. https://ci.nii.ac.jp/naid/110008750850

The post 6 Ways to Reprogram Your Outlook On Parenting appeared first on SELF MIND.

Causes for Car Accidents by Location

According to the WHO, while the car ownership population has increased, the ratio to car accident death has not changed.

Low-income countries almost never decline in car accident deaths and have 3 times a higher probability for death. These countries and poor regions don’t have the infrastructure to create sidewalks and bike lanes or don’t have laws that hold speeding and drunk drivers accountable. Some regions have very lax rules for driving and this also accounts for reasons of car accidents.

However, developed countries that don’t have these problems still face car accident issues. The most common reasons are; falling asleep behind the wheel, drunk drivers, and elderlys who mishandle control.

Among the many reasons, it is known that our emotions contribute to these errors as well. Dangerous driving and road rage happens when a driver’s emotions take over. Strong emotions create certain beliefs to over capacitate a driver’s abilities, which then results in car accidents.

Road Rage Statistics

The NHTSA (National Highway Traffic Safety Administration) defines aggressive driving as “the operation of a motor vehicle in a manner that endangers or is likely to endanger persons or property.” Road rage can result in traffic violations, and can sometimes even escalate to a criminal offense.

According to an AAA survey in the US, “Regardless of gender, nearly 8 in 10 (79%) American drivers demonstrate aggressive behaviors when behind the wheel.” Dr. Leon James, who has done extensive research on driving psychology, also demonstrates evidence that road rage has become a cultural norm in the United States.

Although the degree of aggressive behavior varies, surveys indicate that many people around the world have encountered aggressive behavior while on the road.

How Does Anger Influence Driving?

According to the NRSPP (National Road Safety Partner Program), “anger makes us feel more confident, leading us to overestimate our control and make stereotypical judgments.” In other words, aggressive driving is a manifestation of our emotional state.

There are 4 big reasons anger is triggered on the road:

• Traffic Obstruction: Long traffic lights and traffic jam
• Traffic Violation: Witnessing other cars that don’t obey traffic laws
• Traffic Manners: Rude and inconsiderate gestures such as honking and cutting in
• Traffic Danger: Almost hitting another car or sudden animals/humans jumping in front

• The likelihood of crash involvement is 35 times higher
• Accident risk increases nearly 10 times

Therefore, it is important we learn how to manage anger and know how to control our emotional states when we take the wheel.

Anger Management and Risk Control

How to Better Manage Anger on the Road

Anger is said to reach its precipice after 6 seconds. According to how the brain functions, there’s also about a 6-second gap between us feeling angry to gaining back rational control. Therefore, the first 6 seconds are crucial when we try to handle our emotions while out on the road.

Anger management helps us better deal with our anger, and is a great way to train our emotional response to avoid road rage. As an example, here are things to try for the first 6 seconds when you feel angry or stressed out while driving:

• Take deep breaths
• Simple mathematics (Example: Start from 100 and keep subtracting 3)
• Rate your anger (Objective quantifying gives us the space to gain rationale)

According to a survey here are a few methods that people typically choose to relax after a road rage incident:

• Listen to music or a podcast: 30.5%
• Think of something more peaceful: 19.2%
• Letting off steam by yelling in the car: 9.5%

Don’t Let Road Rage Take Over

Any driver should assess risk factors and learn how to control their anger before it turns into road rage. In England, drivers are required to take a Hazard Perception Test (measures the driver’s ability to recognise potentially dangerous situations on the road with appropriate response) when getting their license. Overconfidence often causes risk-taking behavior too. Therefore, in Sweden, drivers are required to go through Risk Sensitivity Training where discussion and feedbacks are given on the weak points of each individual driver.

It’s very important that we keep our stress levels low so that we don’t exhibit aggressive behaviors that could lead to accidents. Anger management is crucial to staying safe for the sake of ourselves and others on the road.

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References：

Budget Direct & National Road Safety Partnership Program. (2020, September). Road Rage Study & Statistics | Car Research & Statistics — Budget Direct™. Budget Direct. https://www.budgetdirect.com.au/car-insurance/research/road-rage-study.html

Carslake, J., Fetalvero, G., Cooke, K., Xavier, C., Stephens, A., Khouzami, Y., & Roberts, T. (2020). NRSPP Australia » NRSPP Fact Sheet: Aggressive Driving – What Is Aggressive Driving? National Road Safety Partnership Program (NRSPP). https://www.nrspp.org.au/resources/nrspp-fact-sheet-aggressive-driving-what-is-aggressive-driving/

Covington, T., & LinkedIn, T. C. (2021, April 20). Road Rage Statistics in 2021. The Zebra. https://www.thezebra.com/resources/research/road-rage-statistics/

Gross, A. (2020, December 10). Survey Says: Men Are More Aggressive Behind the Wheel. AAA Newsroom. https://newsroom.aaa.com/2020/12/survey-says-men-are-more-aggressive-behind-the-wheel/

James, L. (2000, August). The Effect of Age, Gender, and Type of Car Driven Across the States. DrDriving.Org. http://www.drdriving.org/surveys/interpretations.htm

Ogawa, K. (1993). Risk Perception and Hazard Perception. The Faculty of Human Sciences, Osaka University, 19, 27–40. https://doi.org/10.18910/5893

Precht, L., Keinath, A., & Krems, J. F. (2017). Effects of driving anger on driver behavior – Results from naturalistic driving data. Transportation Research Part F: Traffic Psychology and Behaviour, 45, 75–92. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.trf.2016.10.019

Renge, K. (2000). Psychological processes of risk-taking behavior in driving and new approach toward promoting risk-avoiding behavior. IATSS Review, 26(1), 12–22. https://dl.ndl.go.jp/view/download/digidepo_8217800_po_26-1-06.pdf?contentNo=1&alternativeNo=

Richardson, R. (2018, January 28). Who Is In More Accidents? Men or Women? | OSV | Learning Centre. OSV. https://www.osv.ltd.uk/iam-research-confirms-men-more-likely-to-be-involved-in-crashes-than-women/

Shimofure, T., & Kiyama, K. (2016). A study on introduction significance of anger management to health and physical education. Annual Reports of the Faculty of Education, Gunma University. Art, Technology, Health and Physical Education, and Science of Human Living Series, 52, 57–70. https://gair.media.gunma-u.ac.jp/dspace/bitstream/10087/11067/1/07%20GKGEI-KIYAMA.pdf

Stuster, J. (2004, March). Aggressive Driving Enforcement: Evaluation of Two Demonstration Programs. National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. https://rosap.ntl.bts.gov/view/dot/34137

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What Kind of Tears are Effective?

There are several types of tears when we talk about tears. For one, there is the basic functional tear called the basal tears. These are tears that are constantly released to keep the eyes from drying up. The second type is reactive tears. These tears are produced when the eye is stimulated through dust getting into the eye, or when we cut onions. Finally, emotional tears. These tears are considered to be effective in relieving stress.
Note that reactive tears from cutting onions don’t help with stress-relief because it doesn’t accompany any emotion.

Why is Crying Good for Us?

Emotional tears are released in large quantities through the tear glands when a person feels deeply moved. Our autonomic nervous system has both sympathetic and parasympathetic nerves, and it’s generally believed that a sympathetic-dominant state promotes tension and stress, while a parasympathetic-dominant state allows the brain to relax. Tearful responses are triggered when our minds are stimulated through emotions of sadness, frustration, or feeling deeply moved. Shedding these emotional tears relaxes the sympathetic nervous system, instantly creating a state of parasympathetic dominance.

In general, we should cope with stress through mental and physical resting, so that our parasympathetic nervous system gradually switches into a dominant state for natural relaxation. To effectively do this, it usually requires meditation and self-reflect or the use of methods that help switch mind states like aromatherapy. In comparison, our tears can effectively switch the nervous system into a parasympathetic-dominant state in an instant. Our tears can instantly reset any stress that the mind is carrying.

How to Hold Proactive Cry Sessions

The stress-relieving effects of crying have attracted a lot of attention in recent years, especially in Japan. A new activity called “Rui-katsu” (literally “tear activity”) is emerging where people are encouraged to shed tears together to manage their mental wellbeing. Rui-katsu group cry sessions are held across the country gathering people under various stresses. They watch emotional movies and talk about sad stories with each other to trigger tears.

Of course, there’s no need to attend a public cry session event in order to shed stress-relieving tears. Below we’ll share tips on how to cry and stress relief at the comfort of your home.

Sympathize Through Stories

Stress-relief can be more effective when we cry and sympathize with compassion for what others are going through – like when we invest in a movie character or story plot. This is supposed to be better than crying for our own negative experiences and emotions of anger or sadness. Events that are not directly related to us doesn’t require any difficult action from our side to resolve the situation. This is why we feel more refreshed and exhilarated after shedding tears for others because, in the end, the character’s problem is not ours to solve. Try to hold a self-cry session through the power of tear-jerker movies!

Find What Triggers The Tears

People who generally lack opportunities for tears may find it difficult to cry through typical movies that strike our heartstrings. Some people are easily moved by sports games, while others are easily moved by the innocence of animals or children. Knowing what moves your heart and what stimulates a natural tear flow is essential in crying more efficiently, and holding personal cry sessions.

Create an Environment to Focus on Crying

If crying in front of others or holding cry sessions aren’t your thing, create an environment where you feel safe to cry alone without concern. Prepare tissues and handkerchiefs or have a cushion or stuffed animal to hold onto. It may be difficult to concentrate on a movie or TV series when our body is tired and deprived of sleep. When we engage in cry sessions, we want to make sure that we’re ready in terms of physical condition and environment so we can concentrate.

Wash Away Stress Through Tears

People today are under a lot of daily stress due to complex relationships and social anxiety. If we are exposed to excessive stress and do not have a way to relieve it, the accumulated stress may eventually lead to serious mental conditions such as depression. It’s beneficial to occasionally return to our childhood state of mind and just wash away our sorrows through crying.

Image: Unsplash
References:
Arita, H. (2007). Rui-Katsu and Stress Relief. Folia Pharmacologica Japonica, 129(2), 99~103. doi: 10.1254/fpj.129.99

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