5 Cases of Why People Act Two-Faced

There is no definitive way to determine whether or not a person is acting two-faced. We’ll take a look at a few cases and why people feel the need to keep a front and act separate from how they’re really feeling.

CASE 1: People-Pleasing to Gain Position

There are people that try and please others to gain desired outcomes.

At some point as kids, we all tried hard to please our parents to gain affection or have them buy a toy we wanted. This may still prevail in our actions today when we try to please someone we like to get their attention.

With this kind of situation, a person’s real personality will come out only when they reach their goal. This is why we often hear stories of people who change after they’re “officially together.”

CASE 2: Not Ready to Show Their True Selves

Most people act two-faced when they don’t want others to see who they really are. When we join new communities, we keep our thoughts to ourselves while we try to figure out the social dynamics. No one wants to show how weird they are from the start.

This a natural self-defense reaction we all have. In this case, time will allow the person to show their real authentic selves.

CASE 3: Approaching Things Very Carefully

It’s not always safe to share everything you know. Sometimes, extra information can cause trouble. A person can be acting like someone they’re not to mitigate the risk of getting too involved.

In this case, their careful personality is causing them to act as if they’re two-faced, so it may be hard to draw out their real personalities. If they deem you as “trustworthy” or “a person that’s capable of objective perspectives,” they may naturally come out of their shell to talk to you.

CASE 4: The Desire for People To Like Them

Sometimes we act a certain way so that other people will like us.

If someone is an introvert but is afraid of loneliness, they may act as if they’re an extrovert to feel accepted. In this kind of scenario, a person may feel “fake” because they are trying to be someone they are not.

CASE 5: Past Experiences of Social Difficulties

Some people have past trauma from painful social incidents and this keeps them away from being honest about their feelings. It could be that they’ve opened up to someone before but were betrayed, or their authentic personalities being rejected in the past.

As much as it’s hard to trust others, no one wants to keep up their guard all the time, so these people may open up to you if you sincerely approach them.

How to Build a Relationship With a Two-Faced Person

It makes a difference to know whether a person is consciously or unconsciously acting out. If you want them to be real with you, try communicating in the following ways:

・Consider a Soft and Long-Lasting Dialogue

With the 5 cases above, there seems to be a way to open up people when we invest in a long-term relationship. However, going in too forcefully with long hours of communication will make them nervous.

Be aware that it won’t be easy to break a person’s shell. Rather than going for an hour’s lunch, try a 3-minute friendly greeting every morning. A gradual approach will make it easier for a person to open up.

・Don’t Force Communication

This may somewhat contradict the above point on being active in your approach, but excessive communication can feel alarming for some. It’s a great idea to try and get to know someone, but make sure to keep a distance that’s safe enough for the other person to feel open.

・Show Your Own Vulnerabilities

If the person seems to act because they’re trying to hide their weakness, you can try showing your own vulnerabilities.

In psychology, there’s a term called “Emotional Empathy.” Psychologist and journalist, Daniel Goleman, describes Emotional Empathy as, “when you feel physically along with the other person, as though their emotions were contagious.” When people understand that others have vulnerabilities too, it becomes easier for them to show their own.

Once you establish that it’s okay to be your authentic self, the necessity to keep a front dissolves and allows for a person to be real.

If attempts of communication fail and there’s a need for further assistance, an AI counseling app can help without any restrictions on time schedule or location. It’s an affordable alternative counseling method with a free trial period. Give it a try!
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Build Relationships Slowly For Them to Open Up

There are many reasons why a person might need to act two-faced and it won’t be easy to break their shell. It will take time. Approach them gently as you would approach a feral cat and keep a healthy distance as you do so. Eventually, you’ll reach a place where you can see each other eye to eye and communicate at a closer level.

References：

SAWADA, M. (2014). Balance Between Private and Public Selves : The Annual Report of Educational Psychology in Japan, 53(0), 37–49. https://doi.org/10.5926/arepj.53.37

Tobari, M. (2000). Empathy as a multidimensional construct : A review of research on empathy. The Japanese Journal of Personality, 9(1), 36–51. https://doi.org/10.2132/jjpjspp.9.1_36

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Common Arguments Between Couples

Cooperation and empathetic communication are vital in a loving and lasting relationship. Frustration can build up when one feels like the other is lacking in the conscious efforts of these elements.

Uneven Household Chores

Uneven understandings of cleanliness and chores are easy sources for frustration. If one spends the day at a demanding job only to come back to a partner lazily lounging in a messy house, understandably, it can result in unpleasant feelings. Household chores don’t only imply the physical necessities. Emotional labor can be a huge component as well.

Disagreements

When one has too much pride to accept differences or doesn’t know how to handle disagreements, it becomes a problem. The will to communicate decreases in a partner if they feel like they’re never heard.

Not Keeping Promises

Tensions can build up when promises are broken. If one promises to handle a certain task and doesn’t follow through, the other can feel overwhelmed with more on their list to handle. We all hold hope in promises made. Thus, we also feel very disappointed when promises are broken for selfish or uncommunicated reasons.

4 Things to Try When You Feel Frustrated

A big portion of our frustrations happens when our message isn’t conveyed properly. Sure, we can blame communication skills, but presuming that you’ve already established a certain kind of dynamic in how you argue throughout the years, it’s not easy to create immediate change.

Here are 4 suggestions that can help when you’re feeling frustrated with your partner.

Create Space for Alone Time

Once we’re upset with our partner, even the sight of them can set us off. To avoid that, spend some alone time to cool off. There’s no need to live separate lives for this, just take a few hours off to reflect and recharge your positive energies.

A few minutes of internal positive conversations can help us cope with stressful situations. Try to hold conversations with yourself in a second-person perspective while giving yourself genuine advice. This method helps people regain an objective view of their stress.

We go into more details on how to do this in another post if you’re interested.

Tell Them How You Feel

Speak with your partner about how you feel. Your partner isn’t intentionally trying to make you unhappy. Oftentimes, they may not realize that you’re even frustrated. Talk to them directly. It will help them understand that there are concerns.

Let’s also be mindful of the tone when we speak to our partners. If you’re frustrated with them for never putting their dirty clothes in the laundry basket, don’t tell them to, “stop it.” Instead, tell them that you would appreciate it if they could put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket, or in fact, how happy it makes you feel when they do. Choose your wording wisely so that they can understand how their action impacts your emotions.

Take A Break for Hobbies

Stress-relieving methods are important in lasting relationships. We recommend you find a hobby you really enjoy. When we focus on hobbies, we can turn our negative energies into positive ones.

In recent years, many couples choose to both work rather than hold traditional roles. If you are both working and busy, try to choose a hobby that allows for participation anytime, anywhere, and in small increments. This way the hobby doesn’t get in the way of the quality time you spend together with your partner.

Physical activities like dancing can provide both stress relief and better physical health. We go into more details in our past post about dancing and stress relief.

Share Your Feelings With Others

Simply, sharing feelings with a third person helps with stress. One university study found that 80% of the negative feelings we shared were “anger.” This means many of us already feel frustrated about something and tend to relieve it through sharing.

We feel lighter and gain helpful perspectives when we share our problems with our local community, offices, friends, or family. People with similar experiences can share their solutions and stories. Once we feel heard and well advised, we can head home with a better outlook.

If you feel hesitant talking about your problems to someone you know, you can also try talking to an AI chatbot. SELF MIND is an AI app developed to assist anyone through their life struggles.

Can an AI app provide mental support? Try the SELF MIND app for a FREE trial!
If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!

Maintaining A Healthy Romantic Relationship

No matter how close partners are, small indifferences and arguments can still happen. Instead of bottling your feelings inside, it’s important to have stress outlets so that you can cool off and come back feeling calm and collected. Once couples can communicate effectively through objective conversations, they can work on figuring out and working towards a solution together. Couples that can work through their problems may find their bonds grow stronger as well.

Reference：

Kawase, T. (2000). Why People Talk About Their Emotion? Miyazaki University Humanities Departmental Bulletin Paper, 7(1), 135–149. http://id.nii.ac.jp/1143/00000652/

Cascio, C. N., O’Donnell, M. B., Tinney, F. J., Lieberman, M. D., Taylor, S. E., Strecher, V. J., & Falk, E. B. (2015). Self-affirmation activates brain systems associated with self-related processing and reward and is reinforced by future orientation. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 11(4), 621–629. https://doi.org/10.1093/scan/nsv136

Okada, N., Nakata, A., Nagano, M., Sakai, K., Takai, K., Kodama, H., & Kobayashi, T. (2018). Stressors and the Sense of Coherence Related to the Mental Health of Nurses Assuming the Roles of Wives and/or Mothers – Investigation into the Effects of Leaving Jobs Because of Marriage, Childbirth, and Childrearing. Journal of UOEH, 40(1), 53–63. https://www.jstage.jst.go.jp/article/juoeh/40/1/40_53/_pdf/-char/ja

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Why Do Some Mom Friendships Feel Stressful?

If you’re feeling stress or anxiety, it’s important that you identify the root cause of it. In this post, we will look at a university study case where they looked into the reasons why people feel stress or anxiety from mom friendships.

A Tendency to Focus On Rumors and Negativity

The social circles of a mom can be relatively small, and rumors can easily get around. Stay-at-home moms can already feel pretty restricted when they’re mostly tied down taking care of family necessities. This creates an environment where stress can easily fester. Mom friendships allow for moms to relate to each other’s stress where they can vent about their daily stress whether it be about family dynamics or parenting.

Of course, there is no problem if you don’t mind listening to gossip and venting about personal problems. However, a university study shows that most people feel stress from these topics.

There are people that like to go around detailing the issues of another person’s household. This creates the fear that you might be targeted one day as a focus for gossip, causing a lot of underlying stress.

Disagreeing With Personal Values and Parenting Styles

You won’t always 100% agree with other parenting styles. You may feel the urge to distance from other parents that can’t or won’t discipline their children, have bad morals, or are too strict. For example, if a parent never disciplines their child, you may fear the influence this may have over your own child, who will observe the behavior. There is also the concern of being grouped in as the “same” with parents that you don’t agree with.

Feeling a Divide Because of Financial Differences

You may feel anxiety from financial differences within a group of moms. It could be from a casual conversation, a birthday party, what school they could afford for their child to attend, or simply just what they wear. Financial differences can cause a feeling of insignificance or general anxiety for what the future holds.

Some moms may have difficulty feeling connected with other moms that are too different in financial values.

How to Deal With Stressful Mom Relationships

Once you’ve established a relationship and social circle, it can be hard to cut ties. Try the following ways to see if you can lighten the stress.

1. Keep A Healthy Distance

If you’re involved in a mom group, cutting ties from the group without warning may not be the best idea. It may make things difficult if a group of moms deems you “unfit for social interactions,” or if you’re in a small community, it can lead to bad rumors and other troubles.

If there are moms that you don’t get along with, we recommend that you create a healthy enough distance by taking note of the points below:

・Always say “Hi”
・If a mom that you dislike talks to you, give a few light friendly responses and then leave
・Don’t agree or disagree with the rumors they spread
・Try not to share anything about your private struggles

2. Find a Hobby to Focus On

Indulging in hobbies has 2 beneficial aspects.

First, you can temporarily escape from the situation that is posing stress. Most of us have experienced situations where we feel gloomy all day from an incident that happened early in the day. Hobbies allow for our attention to steer away from the stress and focus on something that is beneficial for our minds.

Secondly, hobbies create room for new relationships and communities. Let’s say you took walking as a hobby. You may find people who walk the same path every day as you do and become friends with them. A community besides a local mom group will allow room for you to speak your mind freely and gain different perspectives on what they think of your situation.

If you’re a mom with a tight schedule, we recommend simple exercises and reading, something you can work on indoors or outdoors alone. If you’re feeling constrained within a mom group community, you should try indulging in hobbies.

3. Write Down What Stresses You Out

We recommend that you write down your feelings on a piece of paper before you go and vent to other moms and potentially start unwanted rumors.

A Spanish University conducted an experiment and came up with a method called the “Negativity Trash Can.” You write out what you’re feeling onto a piece of paper and then tear it away into the trash. It seems like a menial act but it can reduce stress instantly without any external help.

The Negativity Trash Can method details can be found at the link below.

If you want to share your thoughts, an AI can hear you without any restrictions on time schedule, or location. It’s an affordable alternative counseling method with a free trial period. Give it a try!
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Stay Smart in the Way You Handle Mom Friendships

Many mothers that have a hard time socializing with mom groups all struggle through similar stress. We hope that you try some of the tips on this post and find a stress-reducing method that works best for you so that you can create healthy relationships with other moms.

Reference:

Nakayama, M., & Ikeda, Y. (2014). The Relationship between Interpersonal Conflicts and Personality Traits in Friendship between Mothers Rearing Little Children. The Japanese Journal of Personality, 22(3), 285–288. https://doi.org/10.2132/personality.22.285

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Different Types of Stressful Goodbyes

According to the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, which is a widely used scale to measure stress across the world, “death of a spouse” scores the highest on stressfulness. The scale looks at stressful life events with how much they affect individual health, and scores these life events based on “live change units (LCU)”, which indicate the weight a particular event carries on one’s stress levels. The higher the LCU, the larger the impact. In a study conducted across 5,000 patients, the following results were found for the topmost stressful goodbyes:
*The number in brackets indicates the LCU score.

1: Death of a spouse (100)
2: Divorce (73)
3: Marital separation (65)
4: Imprisonment (63)
5: Death of a close family member (63)

Four out of the top five stressors are “bereavement” or “separation” from close relatives, indicating that becoming separated from a loved one is a major stressor. Furthermore, there are differences in the stress and symptoms between separation by death and separation by breakups.

Separation by Death

A study of 40 bereaved people in the United States reported that most of them experienced depressed mood one month after the loss. The main symptoms are as follows:

• Loss of appetite
• Weightloss
• Poor sleep
• Waking up throughout the night
• Sleep disturbances (such as waking up too early)
• Shedding tears
• Fatigue
• Loss of interest in one’s surroundings
• Restlessness
• Sense of guilt

The reality is that many people who have experienced stressful goodbyes through death suffer from symptoms such as the above. According to the above survey, many of them particularly feel a strong sense of guilt, wondering if there was anything they could have done to prevent the loss, or what they could have done differently. This is different from the “guilt” felt by depressed people due to loss of self-esteem, or the “guilt of having committed a crime” felt by criminals, and is very harmful to those who have experienced bereavement.

Moreover, separation by death can be predictable, or unpredictable. The death of a loved one from illness or old age can be somewhat prepared for emotionally. On the other hand, the sudden death of a close person who you thought you could talk to any time, and whose presence in your life you took for granted, can cause immense emotional damage and a sense of loss. In order to avoid falling into a state of depression, including feelings of guilt, it is essential that the bereaved are not isolated and that they have the support of those around them who are devoted to them during these times of stressful goodbyes.

Separation by Breakup (Divorce or Heartbreak)

There are many possible cases of stressful goodbyes through breakups, including divorce, heartbreak, or separation due to moving away. Of these, the stress caused by divorce, which is ranked second in the Holmes and Rehe stress scale, differs in the type of stress felt before and after the divorce itself. The main types of stress felt before divorce are as follows:

• Whether or not to get the divorce: The feeling of wasting one’s marriage
• Inability to reach an agreement: The wife (or husband) wants the divorce, but the husband (or wife) does not consent
• Disagreement on terms: Can’t come to an agreement on property division, alimony, etc.
• Divorce mediation and lawsuits: These are expensive, time-consuming, and cumbersome procedures.

On the other hand, some of the types of stress experienced after the divorce are as follows:

• Loneliness: A sense of loss, and having lost the person you could turn to in times of sickness or unforseen circumstances
• Change in the environment: Changes in lifestyle such as moving house or changing jobs as a result of the divorce
• Dissatisfaction with the terms: Unhappy about the outcomes, in terms of money, parental custody, etc.
• Opinions of others: Feeling as if those around you are not sympathetic to your situation

Many people suffer from the above-mentioned types of stress, which often interfere with their daily lives, manifesting as insomnia, loss of appetite, or lack of concentration. Furthermore, some studies have reported that divorce lowers the immune system, making people more susceptible to physical and mental illnesses, as well as increasing the risk of getting into car accidents.

It is up to us to prevent ourselves from letting negative thoughts take over and make us sick, or become distracted and endanger ourselves as a result of stressful goodbyes. For this reason, it is important to diffuse negative thoughts as much as possible and avoid accumulating stress by talking to someone you can trust or keeping yourself busy with something you are passionate about.

By the way, our app “SELF MIND” contains many helpful tips for dealing with stress and stressful goodbyes. If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!

Ways of Coping with Heartbreak

Breaking up with your romantic partner or experiencing heartbreak through an unrequited crush are also types of stressful goodbyes that should not be taken lightly. In Japan, according to the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare in 2018, suicides due to depression are most common among people in their 20s, with the most common motive being heartbreak. Many people in their 30s and 40s have also taken their own lives due to similar motivations, and the presumed reason for this is that people lose the will to fall in love as they age, or they are driven to this extreme action through damaged pride and sense of self-doubt.

Let us now take a look at “interpersonal stress coping”. Interpersonal stress coping is a coping method used to reduce the stress caused by interpersonal relationships. There are three main types of interpersonal stress coping: regretted coping, rejected coping, and avoidant coping. An experiment was conducted to measure the stress response of university students by applying each type of coping to cases of heartbreak.

• Regretted coping: Regret towards your separation from the object of heartbreak.
• Rejected coping: Resentment towards the object of heartbreak, or deliberately trying to forget about them.
• Avoidant coping: Positive interpretation of the heartbreak, replacement with another love interest, finding distractions, etc.

The results showed that “regretted coping” and “rejected coping” tended to increase the stress response and delay recovery because people were too conscious of the other person as a negative entity. On the other hand, “avoidant coping” was found to be more effective since the subject interpreted their lost love in a positive way and were less likely to experience stress reactions.

Accepting the time you spent in love in a positive way can give you hope for the future, and starting a new relationship can help you make up for the stressful goodbyes experienced through the loss of love. In addition, distractions can help you to vent your thoughts and recover from a broken heart. This type of avoidant coping, which could be referred to as “heartbreak coping” is an effective method that can help you recover from the pain of heartbreak more quickly.

Maintaining a Healthy Mind in Stressful Goodbyes

Separation from someone you were close to can be a significant cause of stress. Moreover, if the stressful goodbyes are sudden, they will leave their mark as a strong negative experience, and may even develop into trauma.

Of all the stressful goodbyes, the most impactful stress response on one’s health is the sense of loss. As mentioned above, when something that we took for granted is no longer around us, we feel loneliness like a gaping hole in our hearts. In order to alleviate this feeling, it is important to maintain a sense of gratitude on a daily basis. By feeling and expressing gratitude toward your spouse, parents, romantic partner, and friends, you can strengthen the recognition that they are important to you, no longer taking their presence for granted.

Humans are creatures of habit. While habituation is one of the most important factors that lead to improved performance and personal appeal, it also makes it difficult to adapt to changing situations, causing us to become distracted. Gratitude is something you can start practicing now. Being grateful and compassionate to those around you is essential for maintaining a healthy mind.

→ Looking to improve your mental health? Try the SELF MIND app FREE for 1 week!
If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!

Image: Unsplash
References:
Clayton, P. J. (2007). Bereavement. In Encyclopedia of Stress (pp. 317-323). Elsevier Inc. doi: 10.1016/B978-012373947-6.00053-2

Kato, T. (2005). The Relationship Between Coping with Stress Due to Romantic Break-Ups and Mental Health. Japanese Journal of Social Psychology 20(3), 171-180. doi: 10.14966/jssp.KJ00003724999

Kawano, T. (1993). Diseases After Bereavement: Bereavement Stress and Health Disorders. Shinshin-Igaku, 33(1), 35-38. doi: 10.15064/jjpm.33.1_35

Tsukawaki, R. (2014). Types of Romantic Breakups and Stress-Coping Styles on Stress and Recovery Period After Breakup. Bulletin of the Psychological Counseling Center, 10, 23-27.

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Workplace Relationships Affects Everyone

It’s not that difficult to avoid stressful situations if it’s within personal relationships. You can usually cut ties with a person or create distance so that they can’t distract you.

However, when it comes to stressful relationships at the workplace, it can be impossible to avoid certain people due to work responsibilities. Unavoidable work stress can cause mental illnesses when they’re left unattended.

The Impact of Stressful Relationships at Work

Stressful work relationships are continually listed among the top 10 reasons why an employee quits their job. Not everyone leaves their job for positive reasons and sometimes, their mental health can be way too damaged by the time they leave their job.

High Risk of Depression and Burnout

There’s a risk to a person bearing through high-stress environments for long durations. Long-term stress is known to lead to possible mental illnesses.

A prominent mental illness due to prolonged depressed feelings and anxiety is depression. Workplace stress can cause unhealthy conditions for your mental well-being, as well as physical symptoms like insomnia and fatigue. As a result, some serious cases may even cause difficulties in getting out of the house in the end.

Burnouts are typical symptoms due to high stress. This happens to people even when they used to enthusiastically work before, but lost any motivation to move forward. It is said that burnouts strongly correlate with depression.

Mental illnesses that stem from stress require immediate attention. Once a person recognizes the state that they’re in, they should go seek professional help right away. For some, it may be hard to understand their state from an objective perspective. It’s important to create a work environment that allows people to look out for each other so that everyone can recognize when someone is “off.”

How to Deal With Stressful Relationships at Work

How vast of a relationship you need to hold depends on your industry and type of job, but most of us need to maintain relationships with a variety of people. As much as diversity is important, the differences in age, background, and type of employment can all easily become a blocking point as well.

What kind of stressful relationships exist in the workplace and how can we deal with them?

1. Workplace Harassment

Workplace harassment is a huge issue when we consider stressful situations and relationships at work.

Below are a few possible categories of workplace harassment:
・Discriminatory Harassment – based on race, age, gender, religion, etc.
・Power Harassment – a person in power harasses a victim who is lower on the office hierarchy
・Physical Harassment – based on physical attacks and threatening behavior
・Psychological Harassment – discrediting, isolating or belittling a person
・Sexual Harassment – includes unwanted sexual advances, conduct, or behavior

In many cases, the problem lies in the fact that the harasser is not aware of what they are doing. No matter how humorous, genuine, and encouraging they “think” they are, their words and actions could be taken differently by the receiver.

＜How to Improve The Situation＞

To stop harassment, you must let the harasser know so that they become aware of what they are doing. Social dynamics may make it difficult for you to directly speak up or confront the person in power. If so, try to talk to someone who is in an adequate position to raise your concerns for improvement.

If it’s difficult to voice your opinion on your own, talk to someone who is in a similar position as you. Submitting concerns as a group is more effective than doing it alone. If there is no one that you can talk to, you should consult a lawyer or get in touch with the U.S. EEOC.

Workplace harassment can be solved through action. There is no need to stay quiet or hold it all in. We all need to take part in creating an environment that will not tolerate any kind of harassment. Our individual awareness of this issue is essential for ourselves and for any other potential victim.

2. There’s Somone You Dislike

When we spend long hours at work, naturally, there will be stressful people that have challenging personalities and different ideologies. They don’t necessarily do anything intentionally bad towards you, you just don’t get along with them that well.

Projects that involve close teamwork with managers and coworkers we dislike can cause long-term stress. There are people we grow close to through frequent communication, but there will always be a few that we have difficulties with.

According to studies, people who easily hold a strong distaste towards others tend to have low self-esteem. In other words, people who have no self-confidence are more critical towards others. This means that building self-confidence could help reduce our dislikes. When we truly accept who we are and reach a point of confidence, there’s no behavior that can really bother us. Even if tension arises between another person, we can brush it off optimistically when there’s confidence.

＜How to Improve The Situation＞

We should always stay calm when friction arises so that we can think through the issues objectively. An open mind with a rational view can give us an opportunity to look at things with less bias.

For example, if a boss got upset at your mistake and you only focused on the fact that they were “upset,” an emotional response might be that we feel angry and stressed. However, an objective view would help us switch things into a positive narrative, where we feel thankful that our mistakes were corrected early on so that they won’t happen again.

Verbalized thoughts are effective in gaining objective perspectives. Talk to someone you trust or write a diary. It can even be an internal conversation with yourself. All of these things will help you organize your thoughts to see things more clearly and objectively.

The Positivity of Healthy Relationships

On the other hand, positive relationships at work can be the best medication for our mental health. A coworker you can talk to daily, or a great boss can all help reduce stress.

Good relationships at the workplace are known to:

・Improve teamwork and collaboration
・Improve employee morale
・Increase employee productivity
・Lead to higher employee retention rates

As we can see, relationships can be both toxic and helpful for our wellbeing depending on the situation.

There are no straight answers on how to solve relationship issues. Everyone seeks their own path to reach a conclusion. A shift in perspective or new ways of thinking can hint us towards a better direction to improve our relationship at the workplace.

Looking to improve your mental wellbeing? Try the SELF MIND app FREE for 1 week!
If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!

References：

McFarlin, K. (2019, February 5). Importance of Relationships in the Workplace. Small Business – Chron.Com. https://smallbusiness.chron.com/importance-relationships-workplace-10380.html

Nagatomi, Y. (2015). Psychological harassment and mental health at work. Journal of Osaka University of Economics, 66(1), 223–233. https://ci.nii.ac.jp/naid/120005616521

Nagatomi, Y. (2016). Stress trigger and process under workplace harassments. Journal of Osaka University of Economics, 66(5), 243–248. https://doi.org/10.24644/keidaironshu.66.5_243

Ostuka, Y., Suzuki, A., & Takada, M. (2007). Mental Health at The Workplace: Recent Trends and Stress Coping Realities. The Japanese Journal of Labour Studies, 49(1), 41–53. https://ci.nii.ac.jp/naid/120002099808

Yahnke, K. (2020, June 12). 11 Types of Workplace Harassment (and How to Stop Them). I-Sight. https://i-sight.com/resources/11-types-of-workplace-harassment-and-how-to-stop-them/

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Actively Making Friends

For students entering a new semester, the psychological stress caused by their environmental change weighs heavily.

Will I make new friends?
Will I find a new romantic relationship?
Can I keep up with my studies?
Where will I go with my future career?

There are many things to mull over.

Japanese students entering their freshman year took a sruvery to answer, which parts of their lives they considered most important throughout their university experience. Students who had a positive attitude towards “socializing and friends” overall maintained healthier minds. Talking to and spending time with friends are crucial activities in maintaining good mental health. The key to finding communities that we can fit into, depends on how socially proactive we are. As for college students starting a new life, you can determine your future by directing your energy towards what you envision.

Post-Retirement Isolation and Loneliness

On the other hand, a lack of community is a problem among adults. Many people don’t have places to interact with friends or acquaintances in their personal time. This often becomes even more noticeable during unemployment, or after retirement. Things can turn difficult when retirees realize that their workplace was the only community they had. Many of them had been incapable of physically or mentally connecting outside their workplace. This is due to the fact that most of them worked from morning to night, then spend the rest of the day recuperating alone at home. It sounds inevitable for such people to feel lonely when they lose their only place of community.

Leaving a job not only means having less income, but also a loss of community. Such inconvenience and isolation from society greatly affect the mentality of an unemployed or retired. This can potentially lead to the onset of depression, and sometimes even suicide. For those who work every day, creating a community outside of the workplace takes up a lot of energy. But joining a community and interacting with others is one of the best preventive measures for loneliness and isolation.

Active Listening is the Key to Communication

What kind of person would you like to befriend? Someone with a good personality, easy to talk to, independent, and respectable. An admirable person meets all these traits along with an indispensable skill; the ability to listen to others.

“Active listening” is a wonderful communicative skill that’s widely promoted by managers across companies. Academically, this means to;
・Empathically understand without judgement
・Provide unconditional positive interest
・Stay open, frank, and genuine

In other words, look at things from the perspective of others, empathetically listen to them without judgement, and be sincere with your responses. Active listening doesn’t require a special technique. It’s actually a realistic and practical approcah in encouraging others to become more aware and open to their surroundings as they prosper.

A questionnaire targeted 124 employees that received mental health training from their supervisors. In response to the question, “What content of the training did you find useful for your workplace in the future?”, 63% answered “active listening.” Respondents believed that it was useful in building relationships, interviewing staff, creating an open work culture, and detecting potential mental health disorders. While ‘listening to others’ sounds like the basis of communication, there are surprisingly many people who lack these basic skills. Active listening is an essential skill if you want to build a community where there’s trust and prosperity.

Enrich Your Life With Active Communication

Although positivity can require considerable amounts of effort, it often leads to better mental health. In order to effectively communicate with people with different values, we continuously need to consider ‘why’ the other person thinks the way they do. Through conscious effort, we can eventually fully embody the spirit of active listening as a natural skill. Proactive communication skills will help us enrich our lives with more fulfilling relationships.

Images: Unsplash
References:
Takahashi, M., Morita, S., Ishizu, K. The Influence of Collectivism and Sense of Community to Mental Health : Through an international comparison between Japan, China and Korea. (2010). Bulletin of the Graduate School of Education,the University of Tokyo, 50, 159-179. Retrieved from https://ci.nii.ac.jp/naid/120002924396

Asaoka, S., Igarashi, A. Importance of communication with friends for keeping good mental health in university freshmen (2004).The Japanese Society for the Study of Career Education. 22(2), 11-18. https://doi.org/10.20757/career.22.2_11

Ikegami, K., Tagawa, Y., Mafune, K., Hiro, H., Nagata, S. The Effectiveness of the Mental Health Training including Active Listening for Managers(2008). SANGYO EISEIGAKU ZASSHI. 50(4), 120-127.  https://doi.org/10.1539/sangyoeisei.E7008

Park Yong Koo. Japanese Yonug People’s domestic directivity based on data : comparative analysis between Korea and China.(2016). Journal of East Asian Studies. (14), 251-260. Retrieved from: https://ci.nii.ac.jp/naid/120005767107

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The Merits of Opening Up

It isn’t easy to open up. You need the courage to expose your vulnerabilities and you also need someone you can trust.

However, there are merits to opening up. Our depressive symptoms and mental health improve when we share our struggles or adversities in life. When someone listens and accepts our problems it brings up our self-esteem and frees our sense of loneliness. Advice and sympathy can also ease anxiety so that we can take the next step in action.

When we experience unpleasant events there’s a strong urge to want to share the experience with others. This urge occurs because venting gives us emotional satisfaction.

The 3 Reasons Why You Can’t Open Up

Even when there are merits to opening up, the idea of showing vulnerabilities can be scary. That’s because we anticipate a negative outcome by sharing our struggles.

What makes us anticipate this negative outcome?

Concern 1: There’s a Hierarchy In Place

There’s a chance that the social dynamics and hierarchy would change when you expose your true thoughts. Some people fear being put in an inferior position once their weaknesses are known.

The idea of a possible downgrade in social positions can send a person into a loop of negative thinking. This won’t be easy to change unless perspectives shift.

Concern 2: You Care What Others Think

There are people who anticipate more anxiety and embarrassment from opening up. They care too much about their public image. The possibility of being looked down upon or making someone uncomfortable outweighs the idea of opening up.

Our own common sense does not equate to other people’s common sense. If their internal values are different from others, it may hold a person back from opening up.

Concern 3: You Don’t Want to Remember Anything Negative

When we open up, we have to recall our negative memories to talk about them. Some people want to avoid this.

If there’s a painful past or an unpleasant memory, it can be mentally draining to dip into the past. In other words, it can feel like wounds are being ripped open. In this case, courage and commitment are required for a person to open up.

People With a High Sense of Pride Care About Their “Image”

We all have pride in who we are. Part of it comes from positive self-esteem and what we feel good about ourselves. Generally speaking, our sense of pride is formed through two aspects. The confidence in our capabilities and the belief in self-value.

How prideful you affects whether or not you can be completely vulnerable to open up.

People who have a lower sense of pride tend to feel easily hurt by adversities. This is because they’ve never felt enough self-value or a sense of belonging. On the other hand, people with a huge sense of pride are more tolerant of adversities. This is because they can focus on the other fun things in life or the positive traits regardless of the situation. Their thinking focuses on the future rather than the past and this creates small room for negativity.

In other words, they don’t need to go and share their struggles that risk their public image. Most people don’t want to give off any negative impressions and to manage a front, they think it’s best to avoid showing any vulnerabilities.

It’s Important to Open Up

Not everyone can open up to show who they really are.

However, opening up about how you really feel can fix problems in a relationship. There’s also a risk that a situation worsens because things are kept a secret.

When we open up, it creates an opportunity to form closer relationships. The act of exposing weakness and shame takes away the divide between people. Human beings are capable of empathy. We can form strong bonds when we truly open up to another person.

If you still struggle to open up, we recommend that you try AI (Artificial Intelligence) counseling. There is an AI counseling app that can support your mental journey and make you feel calm. It also has functions that allow for record-keeping so that you can view your problems from a more objective perspective. An AI robot can listen to your problems without judgment anytime, anywhere.

It’s also much more affordable than traditional therapy. We recommend that you give it a try through a free trial!
→SELF MIND

Reference：

Katayama, M. (1996). The relationship between self-esteem and self-disclosure of negative information. The Japanese Journal of Psychology, 67(5), 351–358. https://doi.org/10.4992/jjpsy.67.351

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