What Does It Mean to Be Mentally Strong or Weak?

・No One Is Mentally Strong to Begin With

First of all, what does it mean to be mentally “strong” or “weak”?

Mental strength isn’t a given strength people have. It’s more about how good you are at navigating through emotions when a negative incident occurs.

For example, lets’ say a man was given the opportunity to do a presentation at his company. Over a few days, he gathers information, creates the necessary files for it, and presents everything at the end. However, the boss responds with very critical feedback. How does this man react to that critical feedback?

Scenario 1: Let me incorporate what he said and try again

Scenario 2: I’m not going to care about it too much

Scenario 3: I tried so hard, yet all I got was a critical opinion on it

Scenario 1 is a response from someone who is positive that tries to grow towards their next opportunity. Scenario 1 is the most ideal way to navigate your emotions. Instead of facing away from the problem, they improve their skills so that they can prepare and build their mental tolerance towards the issue.

At a quick glance, the scenario 2 response seems like a response from someone who is mentally strong. However, this does not consider fixing the situation to prepare for future possibilities. This response is effective in brushing off malicious and offensive acts carried out towards a person. It is important to assess how important the situation is before you choose this option

The most problematic is scenario 3. A negative response to feedback only grows negative emotions within that leads to a loss of self-esteem. This is spotted in people that are always too serious or are perfectionists. When they can’t achieve their ideal goals, they tend to self-sabotage.

・It’s Important to Shift Your Thoughts

When there’s an inconvenient event that happens, we feel unpleasant. After the unpleasant feelings, it turns into negative emotions of frustration or anxiety. This shift from unpleasant to negative emotion is part of how the brain reacts and we cannot change this mechanism.

Most people who are mentally vulnerable tend to be affected by these negative emotions that arise. Eventually, they feel trapped in a negative cell from the illusion that they’ve created.

People who are considered mentally strong are capable of shifting their thinking more positively before they get affected by these negative emotions.

This thought shift is a vital skill. If we use the example from above in the case of the presentation getting critical feedback from the boss, you can shift your thinking into the positive by focusing on your potential growth from this experience.

5 Mental Strength Training Methods to Try Now

Just like muscle strength or endurance training, we can build out our mental strength so that we become more tolerant of adversities. Below, we introduce the 5 training methods we recommend for you to try.

Method 1: Self-Reflect Through Self-Talk

By changing the pronouns while you talk to yourself, you can create a second-person dialogue. This allows you to see your situation from a distance so that you can see things more clearly and objectively.

You can specifically shift the dialogue by using first-person, second-person, and third-person pronouns. Below are examples if we continue the scenario of presenting and receiving critical feedback from the boss.

・First-Person
“I’m super nervous. I’ve perpared well, but I wonder if everyone will understand.”

・Second-Person
“Hey, you don’t have to feel so nervous. You’ve prepared well, so all you have to do is present with confidence.”

・Third-Person
“He doesn’t have to feel that nervous. He prepared well. I’m sure people will understand if he presents with confidence.”

As you can see, talking to yourself as if you were another person creates the necessary distance to gain clarity.

Method 2: Mindfulness Meditation

Mindfulness is a way of thinking that enhances the experience of the present “now.” Mindfulness meditation is applied in cognitive behavioral therapy within the mental health field.

It focuses on subtle sensory signs of the body, such as how it feels when a single bean is placed on the palm of your hand. The focus on these subtle actions helps steer our thoughts away from negativity. Once we displace ourselves from a position of stress, we can recognize new aspects that lead to solving the problem itself.

1. Sit with a straight back
2. Close your eyes and feel your breath
3. If your thoughts start to wander, bring back the attention to the breath

These 3 points are all you need to practice mindfulness meditation. Start from 3 to 5 minutes of practice and then expand to 10 minutes or 15 minutes as you go.

Method 3: Think Like a Fly on the Wall

The Fly On The Wall method is a great way to gain objectivity. As the word spells it out, you act as if you’re a fly on the wall as if you could understand the situation with a bird’s-eye view.

This method is test proven through an experiment at Ohio University and known to be effective as a stress care method. Similar to mindfulness meditation, it requires no tool.

The most important technique in this is to create an external view of what’s happening to yourself.

You’ll be affected less by negative emotions once you learn how to separate your emotions and actual reality. You don’t have to be a fly. It could be another bug, a cloud, a light pole. By continuing this practice, you train your mind to constantly take an objective perspective and this helps cool down anger when it arises.

Method 4: Organize Your Thoughts on a Piece of Paper

If a negative incident is straining your thoughts, try writing it all out on a piece of paper.

The content should be based on what happened and how you felt.

• I got into a fight with a friend – Unhappy
• I had to go to work on a day off – Sad
• I got stuck in traffic – Frustrating

When we write out how we feel on a piece of paper, the visualization of our feelings helps organize our thoughts. The understanding of why we feel unhappy or frustrated will give us the opportunity to recognize our biases and negative beliefs.

Negativity is contagious so it’s easy to roll down the negative spiral once you’re in it. Write out all your feelings and organize your thoughts. See if you can capture things in a more positive light.

Method 5: Learn How to Build Automatic Positivity

Mental weakness comes from us reacting negatively to incidents. This is called “automatic thinking,” and when our automatic thoughts are steered negatively it can trigger a state of depression.

However, this tendency can be fixed through training by continually focusing on the 3 points below:

1. Reflect on your past success
2. Think positive thoughts if you ever feel yourself getting negative
3. Think of the influences that positive memories bring

First, recall a positive success memory. It can be anything from receiving a compliment or a good score on a test. Think of what elements produced the results and try to unravel the secrets to your success and failures. Continually recalling your success will automatically kick your thoughts into positive gear.

It’s also helpful to recall how you’ve overcome failure. If you ever feel negative, remember the moment you grew from your failures. Perhaps it’s now a great story to tell or you recognize how important someone was to you. Try to understand the past as a positive event that made you who you are today.

If your friends encouraged you through failures, you can take it that you have great friends. If you’re able to make it into a great story from the past, perhaps you have the whit to do so. Sprinkle these positive aspects into your mind and this will help create an automated process towards positive thinking.

Strengthen The Mind and Body Through Mental Training

We talked about strengthening our mental tolerance through training, but weakness has its benefits too.

If you tend to be sensitive to small incidents, another way to see it is that you are expressive and have a strong sensibility. If you feel anxiety and pressure, it could mean that you feel more responsible than others.

If you feel that you’re mentally weak and need the training to build mental tolerance, just make sure that you don’t lose the great aspects that you already have. We hope you keep your unique greatness as an individual while building out parts that need support for a more enjoyable life!

Nowadays, an AI can help you on your mental journey without any restrictions on time schedule, or location. The more you interact, the more adequate advice it can give. It’s an affordable alternative counseling method with a free trial period. Give it a try!
→SELF MIND

Reference：

【World Health Organization】

【BlueCross BlueShield THE HEALTH OF AMERICA】

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Can Low Self-Esteem Lead to Face Mask Addictions?

Face masks are said to be effective for the following:

1. Protection from virus, pollen, and dust
2. Protection and prevention from oral and nasal fluid droplets spreading
3. Keeps the skin moist and facial insecurities hidden
4. A tool to hide yourself

As COVID-19 has become a global widespread phenomenon, the understanding of 1. and 2. have also become common. As for women, the benefits of 3. allows them to stay make-up-free underneath and some people even appreciate how the mask partially protects them from harmful UV rays.

People prone to face mask addiction tend to use masks as a way to hide. Research in Asia has shown that the lower the self-esteem, the more likely a person is to wear a mask for no reason. When a person has low confidence, they feel more intimidated to communicate with others and a mask allows these types of people to feel more safe and secure.

Face Masks: A Defense and Statement

There are 2 reasons why a person would feel the need to wear a face mask in unnecessary situations.

・Mask as a Self-Defense

Masks work as a self-defense mechanism as it hides facial insecurities and helps avoid conversations. It’s a natural psychological defense to protect ourselves from external stimulations.

Smartphones and the internet have allowed us to communicate without seeing anyone face to face. Some jobs don’t require any in-person tasks, and this has led some people to believe that in-person communication is unnecessary or unfavorable. Facial masks have most likely contributed to exaggerating this consensus. It’s an introverted conscious choice to avoid showing our faces.

When our confidence is low, we become overly sensitive about how people perceive us. A mask can psychologically help us hide away from others noticing us.

・Mask to Make a Good Impression

There are people who think that masks make them look good and feel more confident. As a recent trend, masks have been incorporated into fashion with various designs and customizations.

However, studies show that deep down inside, people who wear masks are attracted to the fact that they could hide their expressions and feelings underneath, making them feel safer ​internally. For introverts, the capability to hide anxiety and nervousness makes them feel secure.

The brain is believed to have visual interpolation capabilities. This is when spatial and temporal factors are processed in a way to complete partial and illusory contours.

In real life, this is when we see something hidden but imagine it as if we could see it, using past knowledge and present information available. Some people who are insecure about how they look are hoping that visual interpolation will play into a fact where people automatically perceive their hidden face parts positively.

How to Overcome Face Mask Addiction

As you can see, masks that hide our faces can be used as self-defense and make people believe that they look better with it. Especially for people who have social anxiety, a mask alleviates their anxiety of communicating and socializing with others.

However, these psychological factors can lead to people unnecessarily depending on it to a point where it develops into a mask addiction.

Learn How To Feel Safe

Unnecessary masking or people who mentally rely on masks are dependent on it because it covers their physical flaws and makes them feel more secure.

For mask dependents, the following measures are necessary:

• ・Learn healthy ways to take feedback from others
• ・Understand that not wearing a mask won’t result in terrible outcomes
• ・Understand that masks are not determining factors that bring negative judgments

Studies conclude that gathering with a group of friends that hold similar hobbies can be effective in improving our mental wellbeing.

One-on-one relationships can be tricky at times, but being part of a “community” creates a sense of security where people feel protected in a group. Once a person feels accepted and safe in a group, they can slowly venture out into expressing their own feelings and talent where their “individuality” shines.

A community or group is also helpful for people to learn how to be helped and at the same time help others. It’s an opportunity to empathize, accept, and encourage each other as everyone aims towards a common goal together. Once all of these things are established within a community, a person will feel free from loneliness or negativity enough to graduate from a mask addiction.

Have Confidence and Don’t Care What Others Think

With the COVID-19 pandemic, many of us have become dependant on masks, wearing them for long hours at a time. However, the longer we keep masks on, the more we risk psychological aspects start playing into effect. Excessive masking can increase the number of patients who fall into face mask addiction.

True safety and happiness won’t come from hiding behind a mask. A true sense of security and happiness comes from understanding ourselves, accepting, and opening the door to our hearts.

An objective self-reflection is key in understanding yourself, but objectivity is difficult when it comes to ourselves. Recently, there has been an AI (artificial intelligence) counseling app developed specifically to help a person’s mental well-being by providing objective perspectives and advice.

If the issues you face are hard to share with people in real life, an AI can hear you without any restrictions on time schedule, or location. It’s an affordable alternative counseling method with a free trial period. Give it a try!
→SELF MIND

Reference：

Shimura, K., & Tanaka, H. (2017). Pilot study on classifying behavior for wearing surgical masks – Behaviors for dealing with social anxiety and Safety Behavior -. Bulletin of Clinical Psychology, Tokyo Seitoku University, 17, 27–34. https://www.tsu.ac.jp/Portals/0/site-img/gra/2018/kiyou17/shimura,tanaka.pdf

Watanabe, N. (2018). Face Mask Addiction. Stress Science Research, 33, 15–20. https://doi.org/10.5058/stresskagakukenkyu.2018006

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Signs You Might Be Depressed

Depression and mental illnesses do not manifest in a way that is easily understood from the outside. There are many instances where we’re already at that stage without any noticeable symptoms.

In fact, university studies mention that most depressed patients don’t initially seek medical help for depression. Most people think they have something wrong physically and later find out the root cause was mental. This is called “masked depression.”

Consider that you might be depressed if you notice the following signs:

・You Repeatedly Make Mistakes You Never Used To Make

When we’re depressed our attention scatters, leading us to make more mistakes to perform badly. It can be small mistakes from misspelling to missing details or big mistakes like sending the wrong email to a client or forgetting an important appointment.

These mistakes can bleed into our personal life as well. Even when someone points out the mistake, we oftentimes don’t have the capacity to process what’s pointed out. Eventually, this leads to a path of more mental hardships.

・You’ve Noticed A Change In The Amount of Food You Eat

A university study indicates that when we’re depressed, we tend to overeat or crave sweets. This means that there is a correlation between the amount we eat and our mental state. There’s no doubt we need food to live, but overeating is an unhealthy habit. Weight gain and physical difficulties that come with it can become additional stress if we’re not careful enough.

・You Have Less Communication with Co-Workers

When work gets to us, we naturally distance ourselves from it and communicate less with co-workers. Even if you are an extrovert, if you find yourself being less communicative, declining work-related social engagements, it could be because you’re depressed.

5 Ways To Relieve Stress When You Feel Depressed

If you notice the signs of stress or depression, it’s best to get rid of them as early as possible. Stress coping methods differ for each person, but if you’re unsure of where to start from, below are some methods you can try.

1. Find a Hobby to Enjoy on Your Own

If work is bringing you down, allocate time for hobbies where you can completely distance yourself from the difficulties at work. It can be an outdoor or indoor activity, but ideally, it should be an enjoyable activity that is easy to incorporate into your routines.

If you don’t have any hobbies like that, we recommend books and movies. “Cry sessions” through reading books and watching movies, are known to be healthy for our mental wellbeing. Comedic movies can make us laugh and bring down our stress hormone levels. A dive into an enjoyable world will help us feel less stressed.

2. Get Enough Sleep

We all feel terrible after making big mistakes at work. If it’s a matter of our incapability, we can always take the time to grow and learn. If it’s because we’re mentally unwell, it’s solvable.

One of the most important activities for health is sleep. According to a university study, when people continue with 4-6 hours of sleep for 2 weeks, the brain function drops to as if it were pulling all-nighters for 1-2 days. In other words, unless we sleep for at least 7 hours per day, we’re carrying on with our lives under a strong stress state.

If you want to sleep but have trouble falling asleep, we recommend that you start scheduling your sleep. We share tips and tricks on that in our past blog post:

3. Have an Internal Conversation With Yourself

It’s difficult to understand ourselves from an objective perspective. Many realize the difficulties they’re going through, only after someone else points it out.

To avoid this, we recommend having a continual dialogue with yourself using methods of “self-talk.” It’s simple. All you have to do is talk to yourself in an encouraging and compassionate tone. Canadian university research shows the effectiveness of this method too.

There are many ways you can hold conversations with yourself. Talking to yourself from a second-person perspective is known to be helpful. To learn more of how to do this, check out our past post:

4. Talk With Friends Outside of Work

The basic and most effective way to release stress is to talk to friends. It may not be appropriate for you to speak about work stress to co-workers, but you can always rely on your friends from other social circles. The content of what you say doesn’t matter. The most important thing is for you to “feel better” after speaking to them.

Direct conversations with them will alleviate stress and help you gain an objective perspective on your problems. Constructively explaining what has happened and why you are feeling the way you do, will help you organize your thoughts. You might even find a positive outlook in the end!

5. Talk to a Mental Health Professional

If none of the 4 methods above work, we recommend seeking professional help.

The National Health Institute (NIH) lists ways to seek help via phone and text. They also provide guidelines in finding professional help.

If that seems like a jump to you, there are apps that can casually help. SELF MIND is an AI chatbot that assists your mental health journey. For working adults, it can be difficult to find time to go see a professional, and with this, you can converse casually throughout the day to see how you’re feeling.
→Check SELF MIND in app store

Health Is Wealth, Its Okay to Let Go

When we overthink, we tend to corner ourselves into feeling low.

Get out and enjoy your hobbies and get good sleep. Find ways to enjoy your time on your own terms, and hopefully, this will lead you to more mental and physical vitality.

References：

Konishi, K., & Hyakutake, A. (2015). Factors Associated with Depression and Atypical Depression in Japanese University Students. Showa Woman’s University Departmental Bulletin Paper, 902, 21–33. https://swu.repo.nii.ac.jp/?action=pages_view_main&active_action=repository_view_main_item_detail&item_id=6026&item_no=1&page_id=30&block_id=97

Nakao, M. (2004). Industrial Mental Health in an Information-oriented Society : Relationship between Depression and Perceived Somatic Symptoms. Japanese Journal of Psychosomatic Medicine, 44(10), 735–744. https://doi.org/10.15064/jjpm.44.10_735

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5 Cases of Why People Act Two-Faced

There is no definitive way to determine whether or not a person is acting two-faced. We’ll take a look at a few cases and why people feel the need to keep a front and act separate from how they’re really feeling.

CASE 1: People-Pleasing to Gain Position

There are people that try and please others to gain desired outcomes.

At some point as kids, we all tried hard to please our parents to gain affection or have them buy a toy we wanted. This may still prevail in our actions today when we try to please someone we like to get their attention.

With this kind of situation, a person’s real personality will come out only when they reach their goal. This is why we often hear stories of people who change after they’re “officially together.”

CASE 2: Not Ready to Show Their True Selves

Most people act two-faced when they don’t want others to see who they really are. When we join new communities, we keep our thoughts to ourselves while we try to figure out the social dynamics. No one wants to show how weird they are from the start.

This a natural self-defense reaction we all have. In this case, time will allow the person to show their real authentic selves.

CASE 3: Approaching Things Very Carefully

It’s not always safe to share everything you know. Sometimes, extra information can cause trouble. A person can be acting like someone they’re not to mitigate the risk of getting too involved.

In this case, their careful personality is causing them to act as if they’re two-faced, so it may be hard to draw out their real personalities. If they deem you as “trustworthy” or “a person that’s capable of objective perspectives,” they may naturally come out of their shell to talk to you.

CASE 4: The Desire for People To Like Them

Sometimes we act a certain way so that other people will like us.

If someone is an introvert but is afraid of loneliness, they may act as if they’re an extrovert to feel accepted. In this kind of scenario, a person may feel “fake” because they are trying to be someone they are not.

CASE 5: Past Experiences of Social Difficulties

Some people have past trauma from painful social incidents and this keeps them away from being honest about their feelings. It could be that they’ve opened up to someone before but were betrayed, or their authentic personalities being rejected in the past.

As much as it’s hard to trust others, no one wants to keep up their guard all the time, so these people may open up to you if you sincerely approach them.

How to Build a Relationship With a Two-Faced Person

It makes a difference to know whether a person is consciously or unconsciously acting out. If you want them to be real with you, try communicating in the following ways:

・Consider a Soft and Long-Lasting Dialogue

With the 5 cases above, there seems to be a way to open up people when we invest in a long-term relationship. However, going in too forcefully with long hours of communication will make them nervous.

Be aware that it won’t be easy to break a person’s shell. Rather than going for an hour’s lunch, try a 3-minute friendly greeting every morning. A gradual approach will make it easier for a person to open up.

・Don’t Force Communication

This may somewhat contradict the above point on being active in your approach, but excessive communication can feel alarming for some. It’s a great idea to try and get to know someone, but make sure to keep a distance that’s safe enough for the other person to feel open.

・Show Your Own Vulnerabilities

If the person seems to act because they’re trying to hide their weakness, you can try showing your own vulnerabilities.

In psychology, there’s a term called “Emotional Empathy.” Psychologist and journalist, Daniel Goleman, describes Emotional Empathy as, “when you feel physically along with the other person, as though their emotions were contagious.” When people understand that others have vulnerabilities too, it becomes easier for them to show their own.

Once you establish that it’s okay to be your authentic self, the necessity to keep a front dissolves and allows for a person to be real.

If attempts of communication fail and there’s a need for further assistance, an AI counseling app can help without any restrictions on time schedule or location. It’s an affordable alternative counseling method with a free trial period. Give it a try!
→[blog_link_en url=”https://apps.apple.com/app/id1508095250″ title=”SELF MIND”

Build Relationships Slowly For Them to Open Up

There are many reasons why a person might need to act two-faced and it won’t be easy to break their shell. It will take time. Approach them gently as you would approach a feral cat and keep a healthy distance as you do so. Eventually, you’ll reach a place where you can see each other eye to eye and communicate at a closer level.

References：

SAWADA, M. (2014). Balance Between Private and Public Selves : The Annual Report of Educational Psychology in Japan, 53(0), 37–49. https://doi.org/10.5926/arepj.53.37

Tobari, M. (2000). Empathy as a multidimensional construct : A review of research on empathy. The Japanese Journal of Personality, 9(1), 36–51. https://doi.org/10.2132/jjpjspp.9.1_36

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The Infant Phase

One of the top moments a parent feels stressed is when we don’t understand what their infant is trying to communicate. This is a phase where we also have to deal with our own insecurities and frustrations of not being a pro parent yet.

・Embrace a Child’s Need to Learn From Their Failures

Typically, once an infant can walk, they start making a mess. Sometimes they won’t even listen to what you have to say, and that can be quite frustrating. Oftentimes we try to discipline them right away, but it’s important that we give the child an opportunity to fail and learn on their own.

For example, if your child insists on only wearing a t-shirt in the freezing cold outside, a natural response is to try and teach them to wear a sweater “because they’ll catch a cold.” However, a child that doesn’t understand this will reject the idea. This kind of small rejection leads to frustration for many parents.

When you want to discipline a child, it’s important that they understand the consequences. Instead of telling them what is wrong or right, embrace a child’s failure so that they can learn. In this case, let the child step outside in a t-shirt once so they themselves understand that more layers are needed.

・It’s Okay if You’re Not the “Perfect Parent”

Parents are role models for the children, but that doesn’t mean we all become perfect people once we’re parents. Regardless, we all try to strive for perfection so that we can meet our ideals of what a parent should be. This can cause stress and frustration. It’s important to let go of perfectionism and be okay with not being the “perfect parent.”

Parental demands can be stressful at times. If you’re feeling stressed, ask for help from a partner or family to take some occasional time off. You are your own person before you’re a parent. You should take good care of your mental wellbeing so that you don’t reach a point of boiling frustration.

Remember that you’re on a growth path together with your children and everyone in the family. That should bring a sense of relief.

・Visualize Near-Future Possibilities

No matter how hard we try, there are still unexpected moments where we feel the mental toll of being a parent. If you feel that your frustration might be pointed unfairly towards your partner or child, try to envision the following things:

• He/she is naughty now, but what are the chances that they grow to become someone incredible?
• What would my child be interested in once she/he enters elementary school?
• Would I be able to share the struggles of being a parent once he/she has their own child?

By visualizing a future, you can get away from the present reality for a while and also use the gained motivation to strive forward.

The Child to Teen Phase

The idea of individuality and independence sprouts between the child to teen phase. The parent needs to adapt to the rapid changes that happen during this phase. Otherwise, there will be lots of repetitive clashes that create frustration on both ends.

・Understand That They Are Different From You

Once a child enters elementary school, they become more and more capable of doing things on their own, and individual personalities start to grow.

If you come off as too overbearing during this phase, it will lead to countless arguments and stress. As your child grows, try to grow your own sense of understandings along with them. A healthy acknowledgment, that your child is a different person from you, will create a good sense of mental relief in keeping a healthy relationship.

・Respect Their Individuality

It’s very important to respect a child’s unique individuality.

For example, if a child wants to do other things than study, you might tell them, “Your future happiness depends on how hard you study.” A child may resent the fact that you took away their passion if you stop them forcefully. The rebellious phase is a tricky phase that can easily escalate to lots of arguments and frustrations.

Each person has their own way to value happiness. Even as a parent, you should be very mindful not to push your own values of what happiness means. If you can show respect to the uniqueness that they hold and try to be their support throughout, parenting will become less frustrating.

・Learn How To Better Manage Anger

Anger management is an important tool to self-control the anger that manifests within. If you feel anger arise, the next few actions can help suppress it quickly and effectively.

• Immediately count to 6 on the spot
• Create physical distance between the cause of your anger
• Recall positive memories from the past
• Take a deep breath
• Cook

These are just a few examples of the actions you can take to steer your focus away from anger.

A university study took 4 pairs of parents and asked them to exercise anger management. Results showed that it gave them a rational perspective on their anger and helped curb frustration.

As a child grows, they will become self-aware and disapprove reactionary anger that comes from a parent. The best attitude and practice to have as a parent is to start from within.

Change Your Outlook To Grow Happier Together

If you tend to feel stressed and overwhelmed from the responsibilities of being a parent, all you need is a little shift in your outlook to reduce some of that stress.

It’s also very important that you learn how to take enjoyable breaks through exercise and hobbies. To learn more about ways to relieve parental stress, check out this other post!

Reference：
Matsumoto, M., & Shibayama, K. (2011). Anger Management for Interpersonal Relationship Improvement. Memoirs of the Faculty of Education, Kumamoto University. The Humanities, 60, 153–162. https://ci.nii.ac.jp/naid/110008750850

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How to Spot Power Harassment

There are 6 types of actions that qualify as power harassment:

• Psychological abuse
• Physical abuse
• Elaborate demands (Demands that exceed a person’s skill or capabilities)
• Miniscule tasks (Tasks that limit a person’s skill or qualifications)
• Socially isolating a person
• Invasion of privacy

In this article, we will focus on power harassment based on these 6 types.

The Boss Thinks They’re “Teaching You A Lesson”

Type: Psychological abuse, physical abuse, elaborate demands

When you hear that there’s power harassment at a workplace, what situation first comes to mind? Many might think of a boss excessively criticizing a worker over their small mistake. No one wants to “excessively” chastise a person and there is a possibility that the boss is not aware of their power harassing actions. What they may think as a “teaching moment” turns into power harassment when they are unconsciously abusing their position of power.

On the other hand, it can be tricky for a boss when things get misinterpreted. A boss may hand over a challenging project with good intentions so that a person could grow towards taking the next steps in their career. Unfortunately, some employees may take this as a power harassing “elaborate demand” pushed upon them.

Lacks in the Ability to Assess Yet Oblivious to It

Type: Elaborate demands and minuscule tasks

It can be considered power harassment if a boss demands an unfair task to a new employee that hasn’t been taught the task yet, or if a boss keeps asking a well-experienced person to do only minuscule tasks.

It’s okay if you’ve already agreed on these kinds of arrangements, but if a boss can’t allocate proper work fit for a person’s skill, it probably means that they lack the capability to assess their employee’s skills.

Yes, there are cases where a boss may intentionally give out these tasks that don’t match a person’s qualifications. However, the most common reason this trouble occurs is when the boss is very talented himself, yet has low management skills.

They’re Insensitive to Begin With

Type: Psychological abuse, socially isolating a person, invasion of privacy

This kind of power harassment happens when a boss is incapable of thinking about what another person may feel due to their actions. They may mock an employee directly or ask unnecessarily personal questions.

The root cause of this type of harassment lies in a boss’s personality. In this case, an employee should go consult someone else who is in an adequate position to help them improve the situation.

5 Power Harassment Prevention Methods You Can Use Right Away

Most victims of power harassment never take action because they think that, “there’s no way to fix the problem.” If you don’t take action, the power harassment will continue until you leave the position. To protect your own mental well-being, the following methods may help prevent a situation before it escalates.

1. Tell Your Boss What You Really Think

As mentioned above, most times bosses may be acting a certain way without noticing what
consequences their actions are causing. Letting them know how you’re feeling is important in this case.

Let them know specifically what’s bothering you whether it’s an action they take, words they say, or if it’s simply a matter of tasks that seem unfit to your skills. Specific details will allow a boss to make improvements on their own actions.

Some bosses can affect more than one person. If there are others suffering from power harassment by the same boss, try to help each other out.

2. Keep A Detailed Record of Your Harassment

If excessive power harassment leads to PTSD or other mental illnesses, you can sue them for it.
The court case will look into whether there were grounds for power harassment or not. Keep a daily record of the harassment that you took. This will serve as proof in court.

The best proofs are visual or sound recordings of the incidents. If it’s difficult to record, the next best thing is a written record whether it be in a notebook or your smartphone. When you keep a written record, try to include the following points:

・Date and time
・A detailed description of the location
・People who were present in that same location
・Detailed specifics of the harassment (including conversations)
・How the harassment made you feel

Try to keep all recordings truthful to facts and avoid coloring the situation with biased expressions. This will enhance the reliability of your recordings.

3. Talk to Others In A Different Division or Report to HR

If you have difficulty speaking directly to your boss, you can raise your concerns to a person in HR or a different division that can help.

Research shows that people with high self-efficacy tend to try and go solve problems on their own instead of relying on others. Power harassment may not solve immediately when you raise your concerns, but external help will lead to improvements in the long run.

The courage to step forward is essential in combating power harassment.

4. Find Aspects That Your Respect of Your Boss

This may sound contradictory, but “getting to know your boss” can be an effective alternative approach. Power harassments commonly occur when a boss and their subordinates lack communication. In other words, a lack of trust can lead to power harassment.

It takes both sides, but you can build trust towards your boss on your end by finding aspects you respect about them. It’s difficult to see the good in people when we keep focusing on the negative aspects. Your boss has earned their way into a management position, so surely, there is something attractive or good about them. When we respect someone, we can start to trust them enough to understand why they act the way they do.

Trust can create a 180-degree changed perspective of an incident. If you start liking your boss, you may no longer feel that you’re being harassed.

5. File A Complaint with The U.S. EEOC

If there are no harassment procedures in place or adequate people you can talk to, there are places outside of the office where you can raise your concerns. If you’re in the US, consider filing a complaint with the EEOC. The EEOC will investigate your claim and work with your employer to put an end to the situation. If it still continues then, the EEOC will advise you to sue your employer.

If you feel hesitant about talking to a person, AI (Artificial Intelligence) counseling may be a helpful alternative. It can listen to your problems without any restrictions on time schedule, or location. It’s an affordable alternative counseling method with a free trial period. Give it a try!
→ SELF MIND

Don’t Bear Through Power Harassment

There is no need to bear through power harassment. It only harms your mental and makes you incapable of thriving. We hope that the methods mentioned in this post will help you face your power harassment issues starting tomorrow!

References:

Hara, M. (1969). Significance of Legislating Measures to Prevent Power Harassment. Seikei University: The Journal of Law, Political Science and Humanities, 90, 183–196. https://iss.ndl.go.jp/books/R000000004-I029808675-00

Sekine, A., & Naganuma, Y. (2015). Which factors inhibit talking about workplace victimization? The Proceedings of the Annual Convention of the Japanese Psychological Association, 79(0), 1EV – 060. https://doi.org/10.4992/pacjpa.79.0_1ev-060

The post 5 Ways to Combat Power Harassment at Work appeared first on SELF MIND.

Common Arguments Between Couples

Cooperation and empathetic communication are vital in a loving and lasting relationship. Frustration can build up when one feels like the other is lacking in the conscious efforts of these elements.

Uneven Household Chores

Uneven understandings of cleanliness and chores are easy sources for frustration. If one spends the day at a demanding job only to come back to a partner lazily lounging in a messy house, understandably, it can result in unpleasant feelings. Household chores don’t only imply the physical necessities. Emotional labor can be a huge component as well.

Disagreements

When one has too much pride to accept differences or doesn’t know how to handle disagreements, it becomes a problem. The will to communicate decreases in a partner if they feel like they’re never heard.

Not Keeping Promises

Tensions can build up when promises are broken. If one promises to handle a certain task and doesn’t follow through, the other can feel overwhelmed with more on their list to handle. We all hold hope in promises made. Thus, we also feel very disappointed when promises are broken for selfish or uncommunicated reasons.

4 Things to Try When You Feel Frustrated

A big portion of our frustrations happens when our message isn’t conveyed properly. Sure, we can blame communication skills, but presuming that you’ve already established a certain kind of dynamic in how you argue throughout the years, it’s not easy to create immediate change.

Here are 4 suggestions that can help when you’re feeling frustrated with your partner.

Create Space for Alone Time

Once we’re upset with our partner, even the sight of them can set us off. To avoid that, spend some alone time to cool off. There’s no need to live separate lives for this, just take a few hours off to reflect and recharge your positive energies.

A few minutes of internal positive conversations can help us cope with stressful situations. Try to hold conversations with yourself in a second-person perspective while giving yourself genuine advice. This method helps people regain an objective view of their stress.

We go into more details on how to do this in another post if you’re interested.

Tell Them How You Feel

Speak with your partner about how you feel. Your partner isn’t intentionally trying to make you unhappy. Oftentimes, they may not realize that you’re even frustrated. Talk to them directly. It will help them understand that there are concerns.

Let’s also be mindful of the tone when we speak to our partners. If you’re frustrated with them for never putting their dirty clothes in the laundry basket, don’t tell them to, “stop it.” Instead, tell them that you would appreciate it if they could put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket, or in fact, how happy it makes you feel when they do. Choose your wording wisely so that they can understand how their action impacts your emotions.

Take A Break for Hobbies

Stress-relieving methods are important in lasting relationships. We recommend you find a hobby you really enjoy. When we focus on hobbies, we can turn our negative energies into positive ones.

In recent years, many couples choose to both work rather than hold traditional roles. If you are both working and busy, try to choose a hobby that allows for participation anytime, anywhere, and in small increments. This way the hobby doesn’t get in the way of the quality time you spend together with your partner.

Physical activities like dancing can provide both stress relief and better physical health. We go into more details in our past post about dancing and stress relief.

Share Your Feelings With Others

Simply, sharing feelings with a third person helps with stress. One university study found that 80% of the negative feelings we shared were “anger.” This means many of us already feel frustrated about something and tend to relieve it through sharing.

We feel lighter and gain helpful perspectives when we share our problems with our local community, offices, friends, or family. People with similar experiences can share their solutions and stories. Once we feel heard and well advised, we can head home with a better outlook.

If you feel hesitant talking about your problems to someone you know, you can also try talking to an AI chatbot. SELF MIND is an AI app developed to assist anyone through their life struggles.

Can an AI app provide mental support? Try the SELF MIND app for a FREE trial!
If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!

Maintaining A Healthy Romantic Relationship

No matter how close partners are, small indifferences and arguments can still happen. Instead of bottling your feelings inside, it’s important to have stress outlets so that you can cool off and come back feeling calm and collected. Once couples can communicate effectively through objective conversations, they can work on figuring out and working towards a solution together. Couples that can work through their problems may find their bonds grow stronger as well.

Reference：

Kawase, T. (2000). Why People Talk About Their Emotion? Miyazaki University Humanities Departmental Bulletin Paper, 7(1), 135–149. http://id.nii.ac.jp/1143/00000652/

Cascio, C. N., O’Donnell, M. B., Tinney, F. J., Lieberman, M. D., Taylor, S. E., Strecher, V. J., & Falk, E. B. (2015). Self-affirmation activates brain systems associated with self-related processing and reward and is reinforced by future orientation. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 11(4), 621–629. https://doi.org/10.1093/scan/nsv136

Okada, N., Nakata, A., Nagano, M., Sakai, K., Takai, K., Kodama, H., & Kobayashi, T. (2018). Stressors and the Sense of Coherence Related to the Mental Health of Nurses Assuming the Roles of Wives and/or Mothers – Investigation into the Effects of Leaving Jobs Because of Marriage, Childbirth, and Childrearing. Journal of UOEH, 40(1), 53–63. https://www.jstage.jst.go.jp/article/juoeh/40/1/40_53/_pdf/-char/ja

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The Challenges That Single Parents Face

A 2019 Pew Research Center study of 130 countries point out that the U.S. has the world’s highest rate of single-parent households. A 2019 Statista survey also shows that there are about 19 million single U.S. parents raising children on their own, with 15.7 million of them being women.

What are the challenges that these growing numbers of single parents face?

The Financial Challenges

Single-parent households are at high risk of financial hardship. Studies indicate that parenting alone heightens feelings of stress, uncertainty, and depression associated with finances.

The overall net worth of a single mother is significantly less than single fathers or married households. 25% of single mothers have wealth exceeding $3,500 and 50% have either no wealth or are in debt. It is said that almost half of single mothers are in poverty.

The financial challenges of the single-parent household creates an environment vulnerable to adversities.

The Physical Challenges

It can be physically tough to manage taking care of your kids and work at the same time. The younger the child, the more physical energy is required to keep up. Some parents put in a lot of work time so that they can reach financial stability and this can wear them down both physically and mentally.

Children are the motivation and reason for parents to keep pushing forward, but the physical strain, lack of sleep, and stress from all of it can affect their mental well-being at times.

Best Ways a Single Parent Can Care for Themselves

It’s a challenge for single parents to find alone time. They’re usually financially strapped as well, which makes it difficult for them to consciously engage in self-care. Single parents should put in the conscious effort to shift their mindset so that they can care for themselves.

Below we introduce the best self-care methods you can try right away.

Create a Photo Album of Your Child

One of the most satisfying rewards for a single parent is to see their kids grow. No matter how busy, try to keep a record of your child’s growth through photographs. This will motivate you in a positive way. Don’t just use your smartphone for taking pictures. Make physical prints to create a photo album so that you can share it with others and look back at your memories.

Whenever you feel stressed, flipping through these albums will help reduce stress. A university study shows that looking back at fond memories helps maintain our mental wellness. It’s a method you can try easily. We provide more details on how to do this in our past post.

Read a Little Bit Every Day

Reading is a great self-care method that is recommended for everyone. We use our imagination and try to absorb as much knowledge as we can while reading, and when we indulge in a book we can create a distance from our stressful realities.

If you’re a newly single parent, it may be difficult to find time to read. Try to find small fragments of time within your commute or before bed where you can read little by little.

Have a Talk With Your Employer

It is physically challenging to juggle between parenting and a full-time job. Talk to your employer and see if there’s room for negotiating remote work, shorter work hours, or other alternative ways to work. Sometimes, a change in the work environment can lead to better wellness.

If your company seems inflexible about changing the terms of work, as inconvenient as it may seem, we recommend that you switch jobs. Some companies proudly push forward their benefits of paid paternity leave, flex hours, remote work, and on-site nurseries. You can manage to work with less stress if you find a company that values your needs as a single parent.

Apply for Financial Help

There are programs and organizations designed to help single mothers and fathers in the U.S.

Child Care and Job Training

Temporary Aid for Needy Families (TANF) is a grant program that provides supplemental cash for up to two years to working parents. They encourage single parents through child care assistance and job training. To see more for eligibility and details, visit: TANF.

Food Programs

The Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP), commonly known as food stamps, can provide funds for food. You can check eligibility and details at: SNAP. For pregnant and nursing woman, WIC Farmers’ Market Nutrition Program (FMNP) also provides aid in supporting nutrition for mothers in need.

Housing Assistance

Rent is a huge part of our living cost. The Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) offers housing assistance through Section 8 housing vouchers. This program targets low-income households, many whom are single parents. You can check the program details, eligibility, and how to apply through their website at: HUD Housing Choice Voucher Program Section 8.

Financial Assistance for Education

There are many grants and programs widely available if you want to pursue a higher education. However, there are specific scholarships catered to single parents. You can check the long list of single parent scholarships on scholarships.com. The Pell Grants is also a popular federal government aid provided towards low- and moderate-income families based on need.

The programs mentioned here may create some financial relief for single parents who are in need of help.

Talk to Someone

People feel better when they share their struggles with others. With no partner they can rely on, single parents tend to bottle in their feelings, which can lead to worse mental conditions. The stronger responsibility they feel, the more they try to solve things on their own.

It’s okay to vent.

Talk to someone you trust. It can be a family member, a friend, or a therapist. Surely, it will make you feel a little better.

If the issues you face are hard to share with people in real life, an AI can hear you without any restrictions on time schedule, or location. It’s an affordable alternative counseling method with a free trial period. Give it a try!
→SELF MIND

No Need to Be Perfect, Grow Together With Your Child

We become a parent when a child is born, but that doesn’t make us a perfect parent. Single parents face many physical challenges that can impact their mental well-being.

We hope that you can try some of these methods listed above and find a self-care method that works best for you. Try to take it day by day as you grow together with your child.

References:

DaVanzo, J., & Rahman, M. O. (1993). American Families: Trends and Correlates. Population Index, 59(3), 350. https://doi.org/10.2307/3645248

Financial Help For Single Parents: Benefits, Grants & Programs. (2021, April 29). Debt.Org. https://www.debt.org/advice/financial-assistance-for-single-parents/

Hao, L. (1996). Family Structure, Private Transfers, and the Economic Well-Being of Families with Children. Social Forces, 75(1), 269. https://doi.org/10.2307/2580765

Kramer, S. (2019, December 12). U.S. has world’s highest rate of children living in single-parent households. Pew Research Center. https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2019/12/12/u-s-children-more-likely-than-children-in-other-countries-to-live-with-just-one-parent/

Live a life of a single mother : Describe what the society is and will be. (2018). Journal of Nagoya Management Junior College, 59, 129–140. https://doi.org/10.14995/00000435

Stack, R. J., & Meredith, A. (2017). The Impact of Financial Hardship on Single Parents: An Exploration of the Journey From Social Distress to Seeking Help. Journal of Family and Economic Issues, 39(2), 233–242. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10834-017-9551-6

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3 Common Reasons of Negativity

According to a study at a university, there are 4 elements that create negative thinking: Regret and Shame, Negative Expressions, Lack of Confidence, and Criticism Towards Others. If we sum it up, the following 3 reasons are the most common triggers for negative thinking.

Severe Long-Term Stress

Stress can be a direct cause of negativity. When we mess up at work/school or can’t perform well, negativity takes over our minds, making less room for positivity to grow. If we surround ourselves with negative people, sometimes we end up being heavily influenced by them too.

Past Traumatic Experiences

Past trauma can impact us in many ways. A person full of optimism and positivity can suddenly change negatively due to shocking incidents. Some people can fall into a negative trap where they can’t believe in anyone after experiencing betrayal from someone they used to trust.

Hormonal Imbalance Due To Poor Lifstyle Choices

A neurological chemical called serotonin has to do a lot with our emotional control and stability. A lack of serotonin not only makes us less energetic, but it can also make us negative too. For your body to properly produce serotonin, a stress-free lifestyle with exercise, a healthy diet, and sunlight becomes crucial. If we can shift our lifestyle with healthier lifestyle habits that promote serotonin, that can push our minds back towards positivity.

3 Reasons Sleep Heals Negativity

Typically, if the cause of our problems is clear, we’d have to fix that first. However, causes such as past trauma or long-term stress cannot be fixed overnight and that can feel like a struggle. Therefore, we advise that you start easy with getting plenty of sleep. In this section, we’ll explain how sleep can heal negativity within our minds.

It Heals the Physical Body and Brain

The brain can rest and condition the body’s hormonal balance when it goes to sleep. A well-balanced hormonal function can fight negativity and build stress resilience towards the incoming negativity we experience.

The body needs to feel energized enough before we start exercising towards a healthy serotonin function. Sleep also helps our whole body restore itself. Without fundamental sleep, it’s hard to make the change we desire.

Leads To Better Lifstyle Habits

A structured sleeping schedule, sunlight, and a healthy diet all contribute towards getting rid of our negativity. A good night’s rest promotes serotonin secretion which helps us back to positivity. Good sleep also helps us stay efficient during the day. Most of us have pulled all-nighters during the weekday only to try and catch up on sleep during the weekends. We can start working on positivity today, just by starting off a healthy sleeping schedule.

Stops The Negativity Loop

Once we fall into a negativity loop our problems seem infinitely larger than what they are. We need to reset our minds so that we can shift gears towards positivity. To easily do this, we recommend sleep.

When we sleep, our thoughts are forced to shut down and we can leave from thinking so much. This gives us the capability to look at things more objectively and calmly when we wake up.

If you have a hard time sleeping, an AI app can help you sort your thoughts through too. Try the SELF MIND app for a FREE trial!
If you’re looking for more tips on how to care for your mental health, check out some of our past blog posts!

Sleep Well for a Healthy Mind and Body

Good sleep nourishes our brain and body while it puts our negative thinking on hold. It’s a necessary step for proper serotonin secretion and the key to stopping the negativity. Next time you feel negative and down, stop what you’re doing and go to bed.

Reference：

Akutsu, Y., Odajima, H., & Miya, S. (2008). Changes of positive and negative affect by a stress task. The Annual Report of the Faculty of Education, Iwate University, 68, 1–8. https://iss.ndl.go.jp/books/R100000002-I000000001712-00

Konishi, M., & Yoshida, A. (2011). Life style and environment that influence serotonin secretion. Journal of Osaka Kawasaki Rehabilitation University, 5, 1–20. https://ci.nii.ac.jp/naid/120006866960

Shiraishi, S., Soma, H., & Shimazu, N. (2016). Characteristics of Japanese automatic thoughts in negative situations. Utsunomiya University Repository, 66(1), 3–12. http://hdl.handle.net/10241/10240

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What is Pet Loss?

There is no clear line in what qualifies as pet loss. Some medical associations call it a pet loss if a person has simply lost their pet, and some others include the trauma and grief that follows.

In this post, we focus on the grief reaction that comes after losing a pet companion.

The Mental Consequences of a Pet Loss

According to research, the following are considered the effects of pet loss:

・Sudden and unstoppable tears
・Incapable of making progress due to self-hate
・Whitnessing shadows of their lost pet
・Prolonged anxiety and negativity
・Easily panicked
・Nightmares

Additionally to the above points, pet loss is known to cause physical symptoms such as loss of appetite and dizziness. Generally speaking, pet loss can create mental states extremely similar to depression and should be taken care of if symptoms prolong.

5 Ways to Cope With Pet Loss

Some suggest that getting a new animal would help with pet loss, but for some people, owning a new pet too soon still feels like a betrayal to their lost love. The most important step in overcoming the sadness is to first fully accept the loss of your beloved pet.

As a way to completely accept the death of your pet, you can try the following methods:

1. Cry Your Heart Out

To face pet loss, you must first accept the death of your pet. Tears may fall when you think of your lost companion, but don’t hold it in and let it all out. Crying relaxes the sympathetic nerves so that the parasympathetic nerves can become dominant. This lifts mental stress.

Tears will shift the brain back to normal from a stress-controlled state, and this will allow a calm transition into acceptance of death.

2. Share Your Sadness With Others Who Feel the Same Way

Even if you logically understand that your pet has passed away, sometimes it’s hard to accept it emotionally. In these circumstances, it helps to talk to others who are also going through similar experiences.

Typically, when a person passes away, there are funerals with family and friends that gather to mourn and reflect on past memories together. This helps people understand death, but with animals, a ceremony like humans are rare.

We recommend that you connect online with others who are also experiencing pet loss. Whether it be a group or an individual, share your sad feelings and ideas on how to overcome them. It’s encouraging to know that you’re not alone in the grieving process and sharing experiences will allow your heart to process the emotional aspects of the death.

3. Keep Yourself Intentionally Busy

One way to cope is by keeping yourself intentionally busy. It can be mentally tolling to constantly deal with sadness.

Whether professional or private, shift your focus to other activities. This can temporarily alleviate some of the stress felt through pet loss. Eventually, you’ll feel free enough from sadness to calmly accept the passing of your pet.

4. Create Closure

Once you’re able to accept death, we recommend that you organize your memories with them. Your pet’s toys, toiletry, and cage will always trigger a flashback in memories unexpectedly. This can bring back the negative symptoms of pet loss.

Try to organize and let go of some objects, frame certain memories that you cherish, or make a keepsake box to store special items that are dear to you. This will help you move on to a post-death new phase.

A pet memorial ceremony is also very helpful. You can plant a tree or place a gravestone where you buried your pet’s ashes as a way for closure.

5. Seek Pet Loss Counseling

If nothing works, in the end, you can always seek professional help. It can be a general therapist, but we recommend a Pet Loss Counselor that specializes in these matters. They can empathize deeply about your loss as they understand specific difficulties a person goes through during the loss.

If the issues you face are hard to share with people in real life, an AI can hear you without any restrictions on time schedule, or location. It’s an affordable alternative counseling method with a free trial period. Give it a try!
→SELF MIND

Move Forward With All The Great Memories

In some cases, people suffer through pet loss for more than 6 months. It’s a sign that you’ve poured your heart into caring for your pet, so there’s no need to try and ‘get over.’ Instead, we hope that you can embrace their departure and learn how to move forward with all the great memories you’ve created together!

References:

KIMURA, Y., KANAI, K., ITOH, N., CHIKAZAWA, S., HORI, Y., HOSHI, F., KAWABATA, H., & MAEZAWA, M. (2016). A Longitudinal Study of Mental Illness among Bereaved Pet Owners. Journal of Veterinary Epidemiology, 20(1), 59–65. https://doi.org/10.2743/jve.20.59

Kimura, Y. (2009). GriefReaction and Care Associated with Pet Loss in Japan. Japanese Journal of Psychosomatic Medicine, 49(5), 357–362. https://ci.nii.ac.jp/naid/110007161315

Nikaido, C., Ando, T., & Kajiwara, H. (2019). The past and future of pet loss study in Japan: A literature review. Journal of the College of Education, Yokohama National University. The Social Sciences, 2, 11–22. https://doi.org/10.18880/00012307

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