What Does It Mean to Be Mentally Strong or Weak?

・No One Is Mentally Strong to Begin With

First of all, what does it mean to be mentally “strong” or “weak”?

Mental strength isn’t a given strength people have. It’s more about how good you are at navigating through emotions when a negative incident occurs.

For example, lets’ say a man was given the opportunity to do a presentation at his company. Over a few days, he gathers information, creates the necessary files for it, and presents everything at the end. However, the boss responds with very critical feedback. How does this man react to that critical feedback?

Scenario 1: Let me incorporate what he said and try again

Scenario 2: I’m not going to care about it too much

Scenario 3: I tried so hard, yet all I got was a critical opinion on it

Scenario 1 is a response from someone who is positive that tries to grow towards their next opportunity. Scenario 1 is the most ideal way to navigate your emotions. Instead of facing away from the problem, they improve their skills so that they can prepare and build their mental tolerance towards the issue.

At a quick glance, the scenario 2 response seems like a response from someone who is mentally strong. However, this does not consider fixing the situation to prepare for future possibilities. This response is effective in brushing off malicious and offensive acts carried out towards a person. It is important to assess how important the situation is before you choose this option

The most problematic is scenario 3. A negative response to feedback only grows negative emotions within that leads to a loss of self-esteem. This is spotted in people that are always too serious or are perfectionists. When they can’t achieve their ideal goals, they tend to self-sabotage.

・It’s Important to Shift Your Thoughts

When there’s an inconvenient event that happens, we feel unpleasant. After the unpleasant feelings, it turns into negative emotions of frustration or anxiety. This shift from unpleasant to negative emotion is part of how the brain reacts and we cannot change this mechanism.

Most people who are mentally vulnerable tend to be affected by these negative emotions that arise. Eventually, they feel trapped in a negative cell from the illusion that they’ve created.

People who are considered mentally strong are capable of shifting their thinking more positively before they get affected by these negative emotions.

This thought shift is a vital skill. If we use the example from above in the case of the presentation getting critical feedback from the boss, you can shift your thinking into the positive by focusing on your potential growth from this experience.

5 Mental Strength Training Methods to Try Now

Just like muscle strength or endurance training, we can build out our mental strength so that we become more tolerant of adversities. Below, we introduce the 5 training methods we recommend for you to try.

Method 1: Self-Reflect Through Self-Talk

By changing the pronouns while you talk to yourself, you can create a second-person dialogue. This allows you to see your situation from a distance so that you can see things more clearly and objectively.

You can specifically shift the dialogue by using first-person, second-person, and third-person pronouns. Below are examples if we continue the scenario of presenting and receiving critical feedback from the boss.

・First-Person
“I’m super nervous. I’ve perpared well, but I wonder if everyone will understand.”

・Second-Person
“Hey, you don’t have to feel so nervous. You’ve prepared well, so all you have to do is present with confidence.”

・Third-Person
“He doesn’t have to feel that nervous. He prepared well. I’m sure people will understand if he presents with confidence.”

As you can see, talking to yourself as if you were another person creates the necessary distance to gain clarity.

Method 2: Mindfulness Meditation

Mindfulness is a way of thinking that enhances the experience of the present “now.” Mindfulness meditation is applied in cognitive behavioral therapy within the mental health field.

It focuses on subtle sensory signs of the body, such as how it feels when a single bean is placed on the palm of your hand. The focus on these subtle actions helps steer our thoughts away from negativity. Once we displace ourselves from a position of stress, we can recognize new aspects that lead to solving the problem itself.

1. Sit with a straight back
2. Close your eyes and feel your breath
3. If your thoughts start to wander, bring back the attention to the breath

These 3 points are all you need to practice mindfulness meditation. Start from 3 to 5 minutes of practice and then expand to 10 minutes or 15 minutes as you go.

Method 3: Think Like a Fly on the Wall

The Fly On The Wall method is a great way to gain objectivity. As the word spells it out, you act as if you’re a fly on the wall as if you could understand the situation with a bird’s-eye view.

This method is test proven through an experiment at Ohio University and known to be effective as a stress care method. Similar to mindfulness meditation, it requires no tool.

The most important technique in this is to create an external view of what’s happening to yourself.

You’ll be affected less by negative emotions once you learn how to separate your emotions and actual reality. You don’t have to be a fly. It could be another bug, a cloud, a light pole. By continuing this practice, you train your mind to constantly take an objective perspective and this helps cool down anger when it arises.

Method 4: Organize Your Thoughts on a Piece of Paper

If a negative incident is straining your thoughts, try writing it all out on a piece of paper.

The content should be based on what happened and how you felt.

• I got into a fight with a friend – Unhappy
• I had to go to work on a day off – Sad
• I got stuck in traffic – Frustrating

When we write out how we feel on a piece of paper, the visualization of our feelings helps organize our thoughts. The understanding of why we feel unhappy or frustrated will give us the opportunity to recognize our biases and negative beliefs.

Negativity is contagious so it’s easy to roll down the negative spiral once you’re in it. Write out all your feelings and organize your thoughts. See if you can capture things in a more positive light.

Method 5: Learn How to Build Automatic Positivity

Mental weakness comes from us reacting negatively to incidents. This is called “automatic thinking,” and when our automatic thoughts are steered negatively it can trigger a state of depression.

However, this tendency can be fixed through training by continually focusing on the 3 points below:

1. Reflect on your past success
2. Think positive thoughts if you ever feel yourself getting negative
3. Think of the influences that positive memories bring

First, recall a positive success memory. It can be anything from receiving a compliment or a good score on a test. Think of what elements produced the results and try to unravel the secrets to your success and failures. Continually recalling your success will automatically kick your thoughts into positive gear.

It’s also helpful to recall how you’ve overcome failure. If you ever feel negative, remember the moment you grew from your failures. Perhaps it’s now a great story to tell or you recognize how important someone was to you. Try to understand the past as a positive event that made you who you are today.

If your friends encouraged you through failures, you can take it that you have great friends. If you’re able to make it into a great story from the past, perhaps you have the whit to do so. Sprinkle these positive aspects into your mind and this will help create an automated process towards positive thinking.

Strengthen The Mind and Body Through Mental Training

We talked about strengthening our mental tolerance through training, but weakness has its benefits too.

If you tend to be sensitive to small incidents, another way to see it is that you are expressive and have a strong sensibility. If you feel anxiety and pressure, it could mean that you feel more responsible than others.

If you feel that you’re mentally weak and need the training to build mental tolerance, just make sure that you don’t lose the great aspects that you already have. We hope you keep your unique greatness as an individual while building out parts that need support for a more enjoyable life!

Nowadays, an AI can help you on your mental journey without any restrictions on time schedule, or location. The more you interact, the more adequate advice it can give. It’s an affordable alternative counseling method with a free trial period. Give it a try!
→SELF MIND

Reference：

【World Health Organization】

【BlueCross BlueShield THE HEALTH OF AMERICA】

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The Infant Phase

One of the top moments a parent feels stressed is when we don’t understand what their infant is trying to communicate. This is a phase where we also have to deal with our own insecurities and frustrations of not being a pro parent yet.

・Embrace a Child’s Need to Learn From Their Failures

Typically, once an infant can walk, they start making a mess. Sometimes they won’t even listen to what you have to say, and that can be quite frustrating. Oftentimes we try to discipline them right away, but it’s important that we give the child an opportunity to fail and learn on their own.

For example, if your child insists on only wearing a t-shirt in the freezing cold outside, a natural response is to try and teach them to wear a sweater “because they’ll catch a cold.” However, a child that doesn’t understand this will reject the idea. This kind of small rejection leads to frustration for many parents.

When you want to discipline a child, it’s important that they understand the consequences. Instead of telling them what is wrong or right, embrace a child’s failure so that they can learn. In this case, let the child step outside in a t-shirt once so they themselves understand that more layers are needed.

・It’s Okay if You’re Not the “Perfect Parent”

Parents are role models for the children, but that doesn’t mean we all become perfect people once we’re parents. Regardless, we all try to strive for perfection so that we can meet our ideals of what a parent should be. This can cause stress and frustration. It’s important to let go of perfectionism and be okay with not being the “perfect parent.”

Parental demands can be stressful at times. If you’re feeling stressed, ask for help from a partner or family to take some occasional time off. You are your own person before you’re a parent. You should take good care of your mental wellbeing so that you don’t reach a point of boiling frustration.

Remember that you’re on a growth path together with your children and everyone in the family. That should bring a sense of relief.

・Visualize Near-Future Possibilities

No matter how hard we try, there are still unexpected moments where we feel the mental toll of being a parent. If you feel that your frustration might be pointed unfairly towards your partner or child, try to envision the following things:

• He/she is naughty now, but what are the chances that they grow to become someone incredible?
• What would my child be interested in once she/he enters elementary school?
• Would I be able to share the struggles of being a parent once he/she has their own child?

By visualizing a future, you can get away from the present reality for a while and also use the gained motivation to strive forward.

The Child to Teen Phase

The idea of individuality and independence sprouts between the child to teen phase. The parent needs to adapt to the rapid changes that happen during this phase. Otherwise, there will be lots of repetitive clashes that create frustration on both ends.

・Understand That They Are Different From You

Once a child enters elementary school, they become more and more capable of doing things on their own, and individual personalities start to grow.

If you come off as too overbearing during this phase, it will lead to countless arguments and stress. As your child grows, try to grow your own sense of understandings along with them. A healthy acknowledgment, that your child is a different person from you, will create a good sense of mental relief in keeping a healthy relationship.

・Respect Their Individuality

It’s very important to respect a child’s unique individuality.

For example, if a child wants to do other things than study, you might tell them, “Your future happiness depends on how hard you study.” A child may resent the fact that you took away their passion if you stop them forcefully. The rebellious phase is a tricky phase that can easily escalate to lots of arguments and frustrations.

Each person has their own way to value happiness. Even as a parent, you should be very mindful not to push your own values of what happiness means. If you can show respect to the uniqueness that they hold and try to be their support throughout, parenting will become less frustrating.

・Learn How To Better Manage Anger

Anger management is an important tool to self-control the anger that manifests within. If you feel anger arise, the next few actions can help suppress it quickly and effectively.

• Immediately count to 6 on the spot
• Create physical distance between the cause of your anger
• Recall positive memories from the past
• Take a deep breath
• Cook

These are just a few examples of the actions you can take to steer your focus away from anger.

A university study took 4 pairs of parents and asked them to exercise anger management. Results showed that it gave them a rational perspective on their anger and helped curb frustration.

As a child grows, they will become self-aware and disapprove reactionary anger that comes from a parent. The best attitude and practice to have as a parent is to start from within.

Change Your Outlook To Grow Happier Together

If you tend to feel stressed and overwhelmed from the responsibilities of being a parent, all you need is a little shift in your outlook to reduce some of that stress.

It’s also very important that you learn how to take enjoyable breaks through exercise and hobbies. To learn more about ways to relieve parental stress, check out this other post!

Reference：
Matsumoto, M., & Shibayama, K. (2011). Anger Management for Interpersonal Relationship Improvement. Memoirs of the Faculty of Education, Kumamoto University. The Humanities, 60, 153–162. https://ci.nii.ac.jp/naid/110008750850

The post 6 Ways to Reprogram Your Outlook On Parenting appeared first on SELF MIND.

• Recognizes details more than others, which tires them out
• Excessively nervous about environmental changes
• Others compliment them as “rich with emotion”

The Psychological Characteristics of an HSP

How many of the following points apply to you?

• I overthink over the small things
• I feel easily emotionally connected to characters in movies or stories
• I’m surprised by big sounds more than average
• I need space if there are too many people around me
• I tend to rush through when I’m given too many tasks at once
• My heart rushes when I see people expressing anger onto others
• I haven’t felt better in a while

The more points that apply to you, the higher the chance you have HSP traits. If you have a tendency to take a long time to think or are emotionally rich, those are big traits of an HSP.

The Traits of an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person)

If you have HSP traits, high sensitivity can make you susceptible to mental pain. There are many traits if we go into detail, but here, we will introduce 3 traits that are the most common.

1. Easily Hurt

Some people can stay optimistic after failure at school, sports, or work, but there are also many that keep dragging their failures with them. People with HSP traits tend to fall into the latter type where they feel easily hurt.

An HSP’s sensitive thinking puts them in a headspace where they keep internalizing and blaming themselves rather than expressing their negative feelings outwards. The lack of confidence leads to pessimism and difficulty in communication, which then accumulates more mental instability.

2. Easily Tired

People with HSP traits tend to imagine a lot from very little information because they are sensitive. Their awareness in constant small details wears them down mentally. Additionally, because they are so sensitive to their surroundings, they are easily emotionally impacted by others. When they are around negative people, they tend to turn negative too.

3. Empathetic Tendencies

An HSP is extremely empathetic. They empathize through conversations with their close ones and tend to cater their opinion to others. They also strongly relate to the emotions of characters in movies and books.

5 Ways to Live with HSP Traits

First and foremost, we need to understand that HSP is not a mental illness. It’s just a unique trait of being richer in emotions, so there’s no need to feel inferior about it.

With that in mind, we introduce the 5 methods to live with HSP traits. The common thread in these methods is to create a relaxed environment.

Method 1 : Read

Reading a book allows us to step away from the stressful reality to immerse ourselves in another world. In fact, a university study shows that reading curbs extreme emotional ups and downs. Fiction novels are great, but non-fiction self-help books can also educate how to better deal with HSP-related stress.

It can be difficult to allocate time for reading if you have a busy schedule but try to dedicate at least 30 minutes a day for reading. This can be while you take public transportation, wait for an appointment, or right before bed.

Method 2: Listen to Music

Similar to reading, listening to music has a relaxing effect.

For a person with HSP traits, mental control in gaining calmness is key to reduce stress. Mindfulness meditation is helpful for this. It’s a method where you close your eyes, relax, and meditate while you pay attention to your breath. Music is said to be helpful in assisting mindfulness practices.

The music can be anything relaxing. If you’re not sure of where to start, we recommend searching a playlist using the keywords; healing music, jazz, or nature sounds. You’ll surely find something calming within those categories.

Method 3: Get Enough Sleep

How many hours of sleep do you get per day?

Some data results suggest that the average sleep hours are about 7 hours 40 minutes if you are above 10 years old. Adults require significant amounts of time with work and parental responsibilities, so it won’t be surprising if the average sleep hours turn out to be less than 7 hours.

A university study indicates that if a person continued 2 weeks with less than 7 hours of sleep, their brain function abilities decrease as if they had pulled an all-nighter for 1-2 days. We can assume from this that lack of sleep not only negatively influences our body, but the brain, and mental as well.

For those who do not have the capacity to increase their sleeping hours, we recommend just waking up at the same hour every day. Excessive sleeping on days off messes with our internal clock, which then messes with our overall circadian rhythm. If you’re the type that tends to excessively sleep on days off, start by keeping a 7-hour sleep schedule every day. This will help relieve stress symptoms from HSP traits.

Method 4: Practice Positive Thinking

The tendency to overthink pushes people into believing negative ideas that they are the bad ones or of the fear of possible criticism.

To overcome this, we must nurture positive thinking. A good way to do this is by trying a method called “The Three Good Things.” You write down 3 positive things about your day in a diary. It’s very simple, give it a try!

Method 5: Consult with Someone

If you feel like your HSP traits are too overwhelming to deal with on your own, you can always seek professional help. There are professionals that specialize in HSP that can help you gain better perspectives and resolutions for your own HSP traits.

For those who are too busy to go consult a professional, we recommend trying counseling services through smartphone apps. SELF MIND is an AI chatbot app that can cater to each user’s needs on the go. 94.2% of the users find the AI’s counseling function helpful so far, and it can surely nudge you in the right direction for your needs.
→ Check SELF MIND in app store

Deal With HSP Traits at Your Own Pace

An HSP tends to feel easily stressed, so finding a way to relax becomes essential. HSP traits are also misunderstood as being negative, but people with these traits are very good at compassionately helping others and observing things in detail. Therefore, it is important that we understand HSP as a unique trait to embrace.

Let’s take it nice and slow. This is an opportunity to face your inner self at your own pace.

References：

HIRANO, M. (2012). Buffer Effects of Resilience on Psychological Sensitivity : The Japanese Journal of Educational Psychology, 60(4), 343–354. https://doi.org/10.5926/jjep.60.343

Minai, H. (2010). The Effects of Morning Reading – Analytics, Discussion, and Explanation. The Japan Association of Lifelong Education, 31, 23–32. https://ci.nii.ac.jp/naid/120003103893

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