What Does It Mean to Be Mentally Strong or Weak?

・No One Is Mentally Strong to Begin With

First of all, what does it mean to be mentally “strong” or “weak”?

Mental strength isn’t a given strength people have. It’s more about how good you are at navigating through emotions when a negative incident occurs.

For example, lets’ say a man was given the opportunity to do a presentation at his company. Over a few days, he gathers information, creates the necessary files for it, and presents everything at the end. However, the boss responds with very critical feedback. How does this man react to that critical feedback?

Scenario 1: Let me incorporate what he said and try again

Scenario 2: I’m not going to care about it too much

Scenario 3: I tried so hard, yet all I got was a critical opinion on it

Scenario 1 is a response from someone who is positive that tries to grow towards their next opportunity. Scenario 1 is the most ideal way to navigate your emotions. Instead of facing away from the problem, they improve their skills so that they can prepare and build their mental tolerance towards the issue.

At a quick glance, the scenario 2 response seems like a response from someone who is mentally strong. However, this does not consider fixing the situation to prepare for future possibilities. This response is effective in brushing off malicious and offensive acts carried out towards a person. It is important to assess how important the situation is before you choose this option

The most problematic is scenario 3. A negative response to feedback only grows negative emotions within that leads to a loss of self-esteem. This is spotted in people that are always too serious or are perfectionists. When they can’t achieve their ideal goals, they tend to self-sabotage.

・It’s Important to Shift Your Thoughts

When there’s an inconvenient event that happens, we feel unpleasant. After the unpleasant feelings, it turns into negative emotions of frustration or anxiety. This shift from unpleasant to negative emotion is part of how the brain reacts and we cannot change this mechanism.

Most people who are mentally vulnerable tend to be affected by these negative emotions that arise. Eventually, they feel trapped in a negative cell from the illusion that they’ve created.

People who are considered mentally strong are capable of shifting their thinking more positively before they get affected by these negative emotions.

This thought shift is a vital skill. If we use the example from above in the case of the presentation getting critical feedback from the boss, you can shift your thinking into the positive by focusing on your potential growth from this experience.

5 Mental Strength Training Methods to Try Now

Just like muscle strength or endurance training, we can build out our mental strength so that we become more tolerant of adversities. Below, we introduce the 5 training methods we recommend for you to try.

Method 1: Self-Reflect Through Self-Talk

By changing the pronouns while you talk to yourself, you can create a second-person dialogue. This allows you to see your situation from a distance so that you can see things more clearly and objectively.

You can specifically shift the dialogue by using first-person, second-person, and third-person pronouns. Below are examples if we continue the scenario of presenting and receiving critical feedback from the boss.

・First-Person
“I’m super nervous. I’ve perpared well, but I wonder if everyone will understand.”

・Second-Person
“Hey, you don’t have to feel so nervous. You’ve prepared well, so all you have to do is present with confidence.”

・Third-Person
“He doesn’t have to feel that nervous. He prepared well. I’m sure people will understand if he presents with confidence.”

As you can see, talking to yourself as if you were another person creates the necessary distance to gain clarity.

Method 2: Mindfulness Meditation

Mindfulness is a way of thinking that enhances the experience of the present “now.” Mindfulness meditation is applied in cognitive behavioral therapy within the mental health field.

It focuses on subtle sensory signs of the body, such as how it feels when a single bean is placed on the palm of your hand. The focus on these subtle actions helps steer our thoughts away from negativity. Once we displace ourselves from a position of stress, we can recognize new aspects that lead to solving the problem itself.

1. Sit with a straight back
2. Close your eyes and feel your breath
3. If your thoughts start to wander, bring back the attention to the breath

These 3 points are all you need to practice mindfulness meditation. Start from 3 to 5 minutes of practice and then expand to 10 minutes or 15 minutes as you go.

Method 3: Think Like a Fly on the Wall

The Fly On The Wall method is a great way to gain objectivity. As the word spells it out, you act as if you’re a fly on the wall as if you could understand the situation with a bird’s-eye view.

This method is test proven through an experiment at Ohio University and known to be effective as a stress care method. Similar to mindfulness meditation, it requires no tool.

The most important technique in this is to create an external view of what’s happening to yourself.

You’ll be affected less by negative emotions once you learn how to separate your emotions and actual reality. You don’t have to be a fly. It could be another bug, a cloud, a light pole. By continuing this practice, you train your mind to constantly take an objective perspective and this helps cool down anger when it arises.

Method 4: Organize Your Thoughts on a Piece of Paper

If a negative incident is straining your thoughts, try writing it all out on a piece of paper.

The content should be based on what happened and how you felt.

• I got into a fight with a friend – Unhappy
• I had to go to work on a day off – Sad
• I got stuck in traffic – Frustrating

When we write out how we feel on a piece of paper, the visualization of our feelings helps organize our thoughts. The understanding of why we feel unhappy or frustrated will give us the opportunity to recognize our biases and negative beliefs.

Negativity is contagious so it’s easy to roll down the negative spiral once you’re in it. Write out all your feelings and organize your thoughts. See if you can capture things in a more positive light.

Method 5: Learn How to Build Automatic Positivity

Mental weakness comes from us reacting negatively to incidents. This is called “automatic thinking,” and when our automatic thoughts are steered negatively it can trigger a state of depression.

However, this tendency can be fixed through training by continually focusing on the 3 points below:

1. Reflect on your past success
2. Think positive thoughts if you ever feel yourself getting negative
3. Think of the influences that positive memories bring

First, recall a positive success memory. It can be anything from receiving a compliment or a good score on a test. Think of what elements produced the results and try to unravel the secrets to your success and failures. Continually recalling your success will automatically kick your thoughts into positive gear.

It’s also helpful to recall how you’ve overcome failure. If you ever feel negative, remember the moment you grew from your failures. Perhaps it’s now a great story to tell or you recognize how important someone was to you. Try to understand the past as a positive event that made you who you are today.

If your friends encouraged you through failures, you can take it that you have great friends. If you’re able to make it into a great story from the past, perhaps you have the whit to do so. Sprinkle these positive aspects into your mind and this will help create an automated process towards positive thinking.

Strengthen The Mind and Body Through Mental Training

We talked about strengthening our mental tolerance through training, but weakness has its benefits too.

If you tend to be sensitive to small incidents, another way to see it is that you are expressive and have a strong sensibility. If you feel anxiety and pressure, it could mean that you feel more responsible than others.

If you feel that you’re mentally weak and need the training to build mental tolerance, just make sure that you don’t lose the great aspects that you already have. We hope you keep your unique greatness as an individual while building out parts that need support for a more enjoyable life!

Nowadays, an AI can help you on your mental journey without any restrictions on time schedule, or location. The more you interact, the more adequate advice it can give. It’s an affordable alternative counseling method with a free trial period. Give it a try!
→SELF MIND

Reference：

【World Health Organization】

【BlueCross BlueShield THE HEALTH OF AMERICA】

The post 5 Training Methods to Help You Achieve Mental Strength appeared first on SELF MIND.

The Merits of Opening Up

It isn’t easy to open up. You need the courage to expose your vulnerabilities and you also need someone you can trust.

However, there are merits to opening up. Our depressive symptoms and mental health improve when we share our struggles or adversities in life. When someone listens and accepts our problems it brings up our self-esteem and frees our sense of loneliness. Advice and sympathy can also ease anxiety so that we can take the next step in action.

When we experience unpleasant events there’s a strong urge to want to share the experience with others. This urge occurs because venting gives us emotional satisfaction.

The 3 Reasons Why You Can’t Open Up

Even when there are merits to opening up, the idea of showing vulnerabilities can be scary. That’s because we anticipate a negative outcome by sharing our struggles.

What makes us anticipate this negative outcome?

Concern 1: There’s a Hierarchy In Place

There’s a chance that the social dynamics and hierarchy would change when you expose your true thoughts. Some people fear being put in an inferior position once their weaknesses are known.

The idea of a possible downgrade in social positions can send a person into a loop of negative thinking. This won’t be easy to change unless perspectives shift.

Concern 2: You Care What Others Think

There are people who anticipate more anxiety and embarrassment from opening up. They care too much about their public image. The possibility of being looked down upon or making someone uncomfortable outweighs the idea of opening up.

Our own common sense does not equate to other people’s common sense. If their internal values are different from others, it may hold a person back from opening up.

Concern 3: You Don’t Want to Remember Anything Negative

When we open up, we have to recall our negative memories to talk about them. Some people want to avoid this.

If there’s a painful past or an unpleasant memory, it can be mentally draining to dip into the past. In other words, it can feel like wounds are being ripped open. In this case, courage and commitment are required for a person to open up.

People With a High Sense of Pride Care About Their “Image”

We all have pride in who we are. Part of it comes from positive self-esteem and what we feel good about ourselves. Generally speaking, our sense of pride is formed through two aspects. The confidence in our capabilities and the belief in self-value.

How prideful you affects whether or not you can be completely vulnerable to open up.

People who have a lower sense of pride tend to feel easily hurt by adversities. This is because they’ve never felt enough self-value or a sense of belonging. On the other hand, people with a huge sense of pride are more tolerant of adversities. This is because they can focus on the other fun things in life or the positive traits regardless of the situation. Their thinking focuses on the future rather than the past and this creates small room for negativity.

In other words, they don’t need to go and share their struggles that risk their public image. Most people don’t want to give off any negative impressions and to manage a front, they think it’s best to avoid showing any vulnerabilities.

It’s Important to Open Up

Not everyone can open up to show who they really are.

However, opening up about how you really feel can fix problems in a relationship. There’s also a risk that a situation worsens because things are kept a secret.

When we open up, it creates an opportunity to form closer relationships. The act of exposing weakness and shame takes away the divide between people. Human beings are capable of empathy. We can form strong bonds when we truly open up to another person.

If you still struggle to open up, we recommend that you try AI (Artificial Intelligence) counseling. There is an AI counseling app that can support your mental journey and make you feel calm. It also has functions that allow for record-keeping so that you can view your problems from a more objective perspective. An AI robot can listen to your problems without judgment anytime, anywhere.

It’s also much more affordable than traditional therapy. We recommend that you give it a try through a free trial!
→SELF MIND

Reference：

Katayama, M. (1996). The relationship between self-esteem and self-disclosure of negative information. The Japanese Journal of Psychology, 67(5), 351–358. https://doi.org/10.4992/jjpsy.67.351

The post How to Overcome Your Pride and Open Up to Others appeared first on SELF MIND.